don't not read this post because you've seen this book before!

I feel like I have to write fast. I feel like you're going to disregard this post from the start.You know the five love languages. You know your own love language. You know your husbands. You have read the book before. Besides, the five love languages are so 1990's.

But wait! Hear me out!

Rory brought this book along to Arizona and actually said, "hey, aren't you proud I brought a marriage book on our vacation?" And I was like, "yeah, thanks for that."

Because inside I was scoffing. I mean, who doesn't know the five love languages, and the seventeen spin off books by now? Rory and I took a class when we were first married so we know them well: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

Rory was the one who read the book first on our vacation and then said, "you should just read the first three introductory chapters. They're short."

And people. This is good stuff. It's a bit surprising because the five love languages are so seemingly self explanatory. I mean, who can't figure out what "quality time" means. Except here's the thing: I read that chapter and had a zillion aha moments and realized that I had quality time all mixed up. I read this chapter and realized I am dying for quality time. But before reading the book I would have said I wanted "acts of service" because lately a surprise unloaded dishwasher can get me quite excited.

Anyway. Dig this book out. The content inside is really, really helpful and practical. If you have it on your shelf, dust it off and take a look again. Go to your library and check it out. It is immediately applicable, clarifying and led to some awesome conversations about our day to day marriage and how we want it to look and feel.

joy in the ordinary

The day after my birthday I was sitting in the sunny room while my kids napped. I watched the UPS truck pull up and I went to meet the driver in the garage and wouldn't you know, the package was for me. I opened it up and it was this book, given as a gift from my friend Shannon. Is there anything better than an unexpected gift in the mail?!!

The book is a memoir spanning three years before the author's firstborn goes off to college. She's in the midst of a midlife crisis, looking for her purpose apart from motherhood and making major life changes along the way. She is an eloquent writer, painting her life in brilliant detail, taking us all along for the ride.

A lot of the time while I read this book I had an ache in my heart remembering the truth of what so many older mothers love to remind us moms with little ones: it goes so fast.

So it was a perfect book to read poolside, child-free, while sun bathing and sipping a cherry coke. I read it and thought of the sweet pocket of time I find myself in these days. My kids are awesome, they are so fun. They are determined, hilarious and good company. And I am enjoying my gig as their mom so much. I feel content and grateful.

The book was great. A lovely read, and fun to walk the steps of her life during those huge years of transition. My worldview doesn't line up with hers. And I would have loved to have read of her journey from the perspective of a Christ-follower who believes in a God who makes all things new. But she is an incredible writer, thoughtful and attentive to her life in ways that open the reader's heart along the way.

It's a great book to help keep the long-view in mind. To not get so bogged down in the day to day. Often, my biggest lament to Rory when we crawl into bed is, "I have nothing to show for my day." And after reading this book, I'm not sure I ever will if I continue to measure against an outside immeasurable standard. But if I look a recent ordinary day: kids dressed and to the library, followed by an impulsive trip to the cupcake shop, home for lunch and naps, dishwasher unloaded and loaded, kitchen floor swept and living room floor picked up, a long walk outside with the kids, hamburger helper for supper, bedtime routine, snuggles and just as I walk out the door one last plea, "hey mom?" "yes?" "will you just come and snuggle with me?" "I just did that." "hey mom?" "yes?" "will you come and lay down next to me?"

If I look at this ordinary day, written out bit by bit, I can see a bit clearer. This book reminded me that even in this simple, mundane routine, I have a whole lot to show for my day. They're growing up right before my very eyes.

I read this book in the happiest of places, convinced that I would come home and live out my ordinary days with the unending joy they deserve. But in an ironic (and probably predictable) twist, the kids are really sticking it to me today. They're making sure I feel the pain of having just left them for four nights. They're both super needy, super crabby, super impatient. And the house is a post-vacation train wreck. I turned off Ivar's lamp at naptime and proceeded to step on a minion followed in the next step right onto a hard red parrot. Both feet! I limped out of his room biting my tongue with each hobble. I was so mad.

So there's that too. The gift of an ordinary day is truly a gift. This book helped me remember that, even in the midst of minions and red parrots.

arizona

Back in January, when Rory and I were in Orlando for our three nights of fun, I ended our trip with a bit of a meltdown. Which might be the mild way of saying that I cried hot tears through the evening fireworks show at Epcot. Not because they were beautiful or I was moved. But because I was angry and, in retrospect, exhausted and coming off of a serious sugar crash after eating my first Cronut. 

Anyway, it was one for the record books. We had a great day all day long, but the sun had gone down while we were in the Nemo ride. And suddenly the fact that we were flying home in the morning hit me like a ton of bricks. There was so much we were supposed to have accomplished on that trip. Lots of topics we had said, “we’ll talk through in Orlando.” But the two days came and went, we played hard and suddenly our trip was coming to a close and I panicked because I still had a laundry list of things I wanted to connect on.

Instead of rationally bringing this up to my husband, in my cronut-crazy state of mind I got all mopey and dumb and lame. And botched the whole evening.  I believe the high point of the melt down was when I cried, “we haven’t even talked about when we’re going to have our next baby!” And Rory replied exasperated, “This moment is not helping us get any closer to that happening…”

Which is sort of hilarious now. (And for the record, we're not planning any babies for a while here yet...) The meltdown was epic. One that will not-be-soon (actually, never be) forgotten.

And also for the record, the cronut is over-hyped. Either get a doughnut or a croissant. But don’t get both at the same time. It's too much. And you might end up loosing your mind on your husband when you come off all that sugar.

We overdid it at Disney. It was fun to play. It was fun to be kid free. It really was super fun. But it left us both wanting a vacation, after our vacation.

So we started planning another trip. We’re in a sweet pocket of time right now with little kids that are old enough to enjoy a few days with each set of grandparents. And we're taking great advantage of this fact. 

The plan for this trip was simple: lay low. No agenda. I told Rory when the airplane landed in Arizona that my personal goal was to be attune to my own napping schedule, no one else’s.

So we just spent four nights in Scottsdale. It was lovely and in the upper 80’s, lower 90’s each day. I read one and a half books, did not get a burn and enjoyed the good company of my husband.  We hiked one morning, met up with friends for dinner one night, and visited Rory's old youth pastor for church on Sunday morning. But other than that, we were poolside, drinking cherry cokes. And the books I read greatly shaped our conversation and our time together. I'll write about those next.

eieio elsie

eieio elsie from Becca Groves on Vimeo.

Elsie has a favorite song lately and I finally got a bit of it on video. She also really likes the B,I,B,I song...not quite the B,I,B,L,E, but we'll get there...

april fools

I woke up yesterday feeling the need to do something for April Fools day. And thanks to a quick google search found this funny trick: making "juice" out of jello.

Ivar helped me make the jello, put a straw in each jar and watched as I put the jello in the fridge. A few hours later, after nap time, he asked for his juice. And when he took his first big sip through his straw he was horrified, "Oh no! My juice won't come up!" Which means either this was an awesome April Fools joke or simply Jello 101 for my son.

Later the real April Fools joke came waddling into the living room in the form of a jello covered Elsie. Rory had given our one-year-old a jar of jello set on a chair to eat on her own and then went out to meet a guy to talk about apple trees on our property. April Fools Mom! Your daughter has fists full of powerful stain-making jello in her hands and you have half a second to get her and her slippery jello back into the kitchen.

Good joke, Ror!