our huge church turned tiny

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You know when you invite a friend to church how hard it is to sit back and enjoy the service? I have had this experience so many times, praying for a good sermon, wishing the special music was more special, critiquing how long the announcements drag on. When you bring a friend to church, you want momentum. You want everyone’s best foot forward. You want the spirit to show up.


When I was growing up we called an exceptionally powerful service “a real barn burner.” It doesn’t quite translate from sports because it’s not like it was “a close game” but more that it was “an exciting service.” If I thought Dad’s sermon was above average and if the choir sang something amazing and if the Spirit was felt I’d tell my dad, “Now that was a real barn burner this morning.”

You can feel it when everything comes together.

We had a real barn burner service at Cedar Valley this morning. The whole time I was wishing I had invited every single person I know.

The worship songs were powerful, the preaching was spot on and exactly what a sermon should be. But the thing that made this service come to life was that our huge church turned tiny for a few moments in the middle. It felt like an intimate family, all thousand plus of us gathered.

I don’t think I’ve written about this before, but we are in a life group with good friends Scott and Emily. Emily announced she was pregnant right about the time Ivar was born and sometime before Christmas last year they had their first ultrasound. It was discovered that their little baby boy had his heart, liver and most of his intestines growing on the outside of this body.

Prayers and tears and hope filled lots of conversations until we got a text one night in May that Emily was going into labor. Calvin was born almost full term and for 7 ½ months lived in the ICU as doctors tried to graft new skin, stretch existing skin, and make life possible before they were able to take him home with the help of 24 hour home healthcare.

This morning at church Calvin was dedicated.

It was the very first time Rory and I have seen him in person. With the risk of germs and disease, they are obviously quite strict about who can see him. But this morning we saw Calvin with his sweet cheeks and bright eyes. We saw a living, breathing miracle. His whole life is a testimony, with two parents who have faithfully prayed for their son and a church who has rallied behind them as they walk this unimaginable road.

Calvin was dedicated and then had to leave through the back door, back to his own car to his own home. Away from all of the coughs and colds that came along with us to worship.

Then the youth pastor came up and announced that he and his wife have taken a call to a new church in Mesa. This youth pastor is beloved at our church and this was a real blow. He and his wife cried as they made the announcement and thanked this church for being their home, thanked the senior pastor for being his spiritual mentor, thanked the pastor‘s wife for the love and care she has shown their family. It was heartfelt and left you grateful for a whole multitude of things, namely the gifts these two have shared with the church and that God continues to call and lead and direct all of our steps.

And finally, Pastor Roger then took the microphone after the youth pastor sat down and announced that he was diagnosed with cancer of the kidney this week and was asking for prayer. Pastor Jerry invited all who are in need of healing to come to the altar to be anointed with oil and for prayer. Almost 100 people stood up and walked forward. The woman in front of us stood, and suddenly I realized her wig. And how frail she was. And the sadness in her husband’s face. They walked forward and I wondered how it was that I had just greeted them before church and didn’t have the eyes to see any of that. But suddenly with the holiness that had entered our church, I could see.

These three moments, one after the other, were overwhelming. Baby Calvin, Youth Pastor Jesse and Pastor Roger all brought their broken-in-need-of-a-savior-selves before the church and the church in turn reflected all of our broken-and-in-need-of-a-savior-selves right back.

Only the Holy Spirit can bring that sort of vulnerable power into a room. Only Jesus can save all of us gathered. Only God can heal our brokenness and hurting hearts.

It was a real barn burner.

beautiful boundaries

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I was asked by my home congregation to lead five nights of confirmation, all centered on meeting God in creative journaling, free writing, art and imagination. It was the perfect invitation. I got super excited about it and 24 hours later called the youth director and said I couldn’t commit.

The next day I was asked to lead one morning of a women’s bible study at my current church. I was honored, got super excited, and in the end turned this invitation down too.

Around this same time I was asked to head up the decorations for a huge kids banquet at our church. I was thrilled at the thought. And then I said no.

Here’s the thing. I rarely say no. I’m a pretty obedient Yes Girl. But before these invitations arrived, I had mapped out three large projects I wanted to tackle in the new year. Projects that are often put on the back burner, but require some time and energy and I want to see them through.

So I said no to three incredible invitations. Even writing each of them out made my heart sink a little. They were hard to turn down.

All of those invitations came in November and December but now it is in January that I am feeling the relief of not having over committed. I’m not sure I’ve ever known this sweet feeling before. I’m so grateful for boundaries!

So this is just a post to remind you, it’s okay to say no. Even to good things. It’s important to still listen for where God is calling you, but sometimes I think God is calling you to still waters. And clearing my life a bit with some foresighted no’s in December has made for a really lovely January.

when did this happen?!!

Ivar is changing before my very eyes into the beginnings of a very little boy. I see it in his face and it catches me off guard. His teeth, his parroting words, his personal will, his happy dancing, his conversational babble, his joy...little signs of all that is to come, living life with this little guy.

I read two great pieces on motherhood recently and wanted to pass them along for a bit of weekend reading. The first went viral on facebook and you may very well have read it already.

It's called Don't Carpe Diem. It's got some good, honest stuff to say and I really appreciated what it had to say about kairos time versus chronos time. I think about this often now.

The second blog post I wanted to share is called This Big Sister's Advice. And it's sweet and tender and a good reminder of what this whole mamahood gig is all about.

Along those lines, on Tuesday I joined a mom's group at my church for Bible study. It was the best thing ever. I told Rory it felt like empowerment therapy. We shared a lot, but it wasn't a commiseration fest either. I left inspired, ready to live out my call as a mom with a second wind.

If you are a young mom and not a part of a mom's group of any sort, I beg you to start looking for something similar in your area. I know MOPS has a great reputation (your children don't have to be in preschool!). And I would hope most churches have something similar. It is so necessary. I am building friendships with ladies who are so easily able to relate, and there could be nothing better. So check out a local church, the MOPS website, community centers in your area...just find a group of girls and walk this road together.

clean house

I like to keep a tidy house. But Ivar and his many toys seem to have taken over. Some days I can handle this, but after days of feeling too sick to clean up after the boy, our house went to pot.

(What does that saying mean? Like pot the drug? Or a pot for plants? Why does the word pot looks so weird right now?)

Anyway. I read a super inspiring blog post about putting all the toys and books together and making three piles, one to keep out, one for short term storage and one for long term storage. (I'd like to say there was a pile for good will, but the kid is one and it's hard to throw anything knowing another is on its way.) The part of this plan I loved the most was the short term storage. I got a huge rubbermaid and filled it up with great toys, but toys that have many pieces, toys that seem to spread all over the house.

And now, the plan is to swap out a new toy each day. (Though so far, he is totally entertained by the few toys I left out.) He has one train set in the living room and his bedroom cleans up in a jiffy.

(What is a jiffy?)

Here's the crazy part that I want to share. Ivar plays for longer stretches of time now, with fewer toys. He found a tennis ball tube that he fills with trains and then dumps out and then fills again and dumps out. This was all out before, but now it's the only stuff out. And he stays focused longer.

I'd say I put away 60% of his stuff. And we now have a less cluttered home. And our son occupies himself for longer stretches of time.

That is a win win.

the nuts and bolts of my Kitchen Table

Within the last week, I have had a meal on the table six out of the seven nights. One of those nights Rory put the food on, and another night I was too sick to make anything and getting myself to the table wasn’t really an option.

I’d say a really solid start.

After a week I have a few plans that I hope to stick by:
1. Meal is on the table by 5. This is so early, I know. And yet we eat lunch around 11 at this house and by five there are three hungry bellies to be filled. We started out at 5:30, but Ivar wouldn’t have it. So we moved up our suppertime.

2. I keep my laptop off of the table now. The kitchen table is no longer able to be the catch-all place. I try to keep it relatively clear throughout the day. This helps when it's time to set it and fill it with food.

3. The meal doesn’t have to be homemade. Hopefully one thing on the table is, but there just needs to be a meal on the plate. That’s the goal. The night Rory cooked we had sausage, eggos and strawberry's. It was very nice.

4. Coborn’s Delivers. More on this another time, but let me tell you, I adore this service. After a terrible experience involving me and Cub and a gagging spell and hitting a wall of exhaustion so hard I thought I’d curl up under my cart in the cereal aisle, I decided to look into this grocery delivery service. We’ve had four deliveries so far and all I can say is that it still feels too good to be true.

5. My four week meal menu. I have had so many people contact me with great meal planning ideas, great recipe websites, even their own excel spreadsheets (thanks Marie!). I find much comfort knowing that lots of others need a system for meal prep too. I listed out all of the meals our family enjoys and set up a weekly calendar with a food-type for each day the week. So far, week one was a complete success. We're now on to week two. I'm not strict about what we eat each day, but this calendar is so helpful as a place to start! (On a few days I use the slash to list two different options, one that might take more time along with an easier option.)

So that’s the plan. I’m sure I’ll modify it as we go along, but until then, I’m so happy to be feeding my family!