grandma b

When my grandma was young she was caring for her grandmother who was old and not well. Her grandmother asked her to give her a bath, "so that I will be clean when I meet my Savior.” Grandma bathed her grandma, put her in a clean night gown and propped her up with pillows in her upstairs bedroom. Her grandmother then told her it was time to get her grandfather. Grandma did, and when the two of them came back up the stairs, they found her Grandmother still, absent of breath, at peace with a sweet and calm expression, having left this world and passed to life eternal.

My grandma has told me this story so many times and always ends it by saying, “and that’s why I’m not afraid to die. There is nothing to fear. I have watched so many breathe their last and it’s not scary. They know where they are going. They’re going to meet the Lord.”

Grandma B is going to meet the Lord. She is on hospice care with a surprise aggressive lymphoma overtaking her body. A week ago she looked, in the words of my cousin Mark, vibrant, and now she is yellow, frail and so tiny in that hospital bed.

When we walked into her hospital room she told us, “I have asked the Lord to take me home so many times, and now he’s got my room ready.”

My dad read scripture for us by her bedside and then prayed with his mother-in-law. He was overcome and couldn’t continue so grandma did. She prayed and prayed and to listen to her was like eavesdropping on two friends in sweet communion. She talked to God like she was a little girl and he really was her daddy. She prayed for a pastor in the Philippines who she sponsors who is bringing the gospel to ears who have never heard. She prayed for their hearts and for the wonder of the work he does. She said, “oh Lord, we think of Martin Luther and how he was able to use the printing press to spread your Word, and now just think of all the different ways we have to spread your love. And oh, there are so many who don’t know you, Lord. And you love them so much.”

Then she ended, “I know you’re preparing my room Lord. Remember lots of birds. I’ve always loved your birds.” And it’s true. She’s always telling of pretty birds she has seen, birds at her feeder, geese flying across the sky. She's already decorating her new home.

Grandma has been coherent and present and has shared many prayers, blessings and kind words with her family. And she is not afraid. She has peace and love abounding. She's not afraid, but I’m afraid of how empty it will feel without her in our family. I am afraid of losing my last living grandparent. I am afraid of how much I am going to miss her.

one is fun

Dear Ivar,

Can't handle how much we love you. You continue to bring us joy everyday.

Your latest favorite activity is frequently visiting your dad downstairs. You know how to get to him now, which is so fun to see. You crawl to the door to the basement (which is ALWAYS shut after a terrible baby tumbling accident in September that included you, 15 wooden steps, a concrete floor to land on and a super miracle that you crawled away less traumatized than your mom. Ish.) You crawl to the basement door and start saying, "Dada! Daddo! Da! Dada!" I scoop you up and you duck your head as low as you can as we descend on the steps so that you can see your dad. You clap your hands, laugh, yell and then dive into his arms.

We do this several times a day. And even though your dad has typically worked best with no interruptions, he has yet to say anything about our 5-6 visits a day. Turns out he lights up as bright as you.

You love to eat. Bananas, kiwi, ham, cheese, cooked carrots and pasta are favorites for sure. When you want more you politely look at me and loudly say, "mmmmmmmm." Which is the sound I make when I put the food on your tray.

You clap your hands with joy and it is a favorite thing to do. I sing a song I learned in church school and you know this song means we clap and bounce. Clap your hands, stomp your feet, spread the love of Jesus to everyone you meet. Oh Clap your hands, stop your feet, spread a little love around. You laugh and bob your head and clap through the whole song. Needless to say, it gets sung a lot.

You also love to drum on your high chair tray. We play this game at every meal with dad and I banging on the table. But if you stop drumming, we do too. And when you start up again, we join in. You love being the leader, and love that we are following your cues.

When you're done eating you enjoy rubbing your hands through your hair, just to be sure I know you're really done. I brought you to Aunt Jan's on Monday with so much oatmeal in your hair I was embarrassed. You got a bath right when we got home.

You let us know what you don't like to eat with a preemptive uh oh before you throw that food on the floor. This was funny the first few times, but now you are now getting a stern, "No." And it sometimes hurts your feelings.

And that's the other new thing. We're telling you what is and isn't okay and this often crimps your style. You like to roll over while we change your diaper and this gets you a firm hand on the leg and a serious, "Ivar, No." Again, it hurts your feelings, but its the only safe thing to do. Can't have you rolling around on the changing table.

You love riding in the shopping cart and point out all of the balls and circles in the store. Signs included. Target is basically your utopia, as their aisle signs are circles and they even decorated the outside of their store with giant concrete red balls up and down the sidewalk. You actually are hard to hold onto when you see these balls, like you might just jump out of your skin.

Today you're running a low fever and are super snuggly. That's really abnormal. You usually don't have time to cuddle, but today you do and I'm soaking up every minute of your head on my shoulder. We watched our first PBS Kids shows this morning on the couch and you seemed amused.

It's so fun to watch you grow. We love you so much.

Love,
Mama (who you currently are calling Dada, along with the real Dada)

ivar's birthday cards

Ivar got some fun gifts for his birthday, but the cards really stole the show. Toby and Kirby always draw a comic in their birthday cards. Toby's is spot on. That's how I feel about how fast he's grown! Kirby's comic is four frames. Frame one: Ivar, frame two: people singing Happy Birthday to Ivar, frame three: people confused because Ivar fell asleep, frame four: Ivar happily dreaming of balls.

This card from Sonna makes me smile because you can see the very letter where she made a mistake, got too frustrated and had her mom take over and write the rest of the message. I also love that since she started preschool she includes the letter L for Larson when she writes her name. Not to be mistaken with the other Sonna's in the world, she is Sonna L.

 Claire Helen made this super fun card, and ever time Ivar sees it he waves his hands and says, "ball!"

Penny traced her name and glued pictures of her favorite cold weather gear. :)

Simon made an interactive card and wrote, "Please draw a picture for me of balls!" And provided the ghost encircled frame to draw our picture.

And Ruby wowed us with all of the letters she has learned! It says, Ivar I love you Ruby.

Thanks for the cards cousins! They've all been put safely in Ivar's Special Things box. 

My church turned 30

My parents were called to start a church 30 years ago. Thirty years later, that little seed has grown into a mighty congregation full of life and faith and service to our God. It's probably the coolest thing I've gotten to be a part of. I've been reflecting on the role this church served in my life, and it's huge. Really huge.

We had a celebration last night at Shepherd of the Valley. A trip down memory lane with lots of pictures and stories of days gone by when the church was much smaller...when I was much smaller. It was an awesome night filled with music and laughter and catch-up conversations with old friends. So much to be thankful for.

My dad asked me to speak, which I always love. Especially when I get to tell stories about the church that made me. Here's what I said:

All my life I’ve been asked if I like being a pastor’s kid. And the answer to that question has always been an easy one for me. I adore being a pastor’s kid. There are perks with this role that I’ve never taken for granted. For example, I always knew where the tins of hospitality shortbread cookies were stashed. And I utilized this knowledge. Often.

I also had full access to the Christmas costumes, so that when I decided to be Little Bo Peep in 3rd grade for Halloween, I was able to complete my costume with a shepherd’s staff.

But there is a part of being a pastor’s kid that is a bit unnerving. And it happens on Sunday morning in churches around the world. Pastor’s Kids are listening closely to the sermon, wondering if their parent is going to drop their name, and if so, what damaging story is about to be told.

Now to be really honest, there was a season in my life when I was eager to be a sermon illustration. I would ask Dad early in the week what the gospel was for that weekend. And I would respond casually, “Oh the feeding of the 5,000? Have I ever told you about the time I…”

But it was the unexpected stories that you had to be ready for.

I was 16, and on a Friday after school I went to Lifetime Fitness in Eagan to workout. I was going straight to a dance at Rosemount high school and got ready at the club but stopped by Subway to get supper before going to the dance to meet up with my friends. When I got there I decided just to eat in a booth instead of in the car. But as I ate my sub a group of peers walked in.

That night after the dance, I went into my parent’s room and told them how strange it is to feel so fully confident, but then to worry so much about what you look like from the outside. I knew I had plans. I knew I had a fun night. But I still just felt so dumb.

The next night I was sitting with the High School Praise team at the Saturday night service. Dad was telling of mountaintops and valleys in our everyday lives. He told about my sister Annika who was traveling in Thailand at that time and how each day brought adventure and excitement and something new.

Then he transitioned to his daughter Rebecca…
who had just learned the loneliness…
of eating alone at Subway…
on a Friday night.

Can you imagine?! I died. I was sitting with friends. Kendra Rick was buckled over in laughter. She thought this was the funniest thing she had ever heard.

That was 15 years ago, and I guess I just wanted to take this time to clarify on this, the 30th anniversary of Shepherd of the Valley, and be sure you all knew that I had plans that night. Ok? Okay.

***

The night was so fun. Can't get over how powerful it is to relive your roots, remember your history, and celebrate all God has done in all of our lives.

If you missed the night, there are tons of pictures on flickr and are so fun to see. I identify so strongly with the growth of this church. The picture below is when the church and I turned four.

ivar's first birthday



We celebrated Ivar's birthday in grand style. I came up with the theme pretty easily as Ivar's favorite thing is pretty obvious. When I get him out of his crib in the morning he looks at me, smiles and says, "ball." When I ask him if he'd like more ham and cheese he replies, "ball." When we go for walks around the neighborhood he lights up with every pumpkin sighting, "ball!" He gets downright slaphappy in the produce section...all the balls...the onions, apples, melons, tomatoes, potatoes, plums and peaches, lettuce, grapefruit. Balls everywhere.

So we had a ball party. Singular. And it was good, good fun.

Our menu was simple: meatballs, baked potatoes, peas, grapes, buns, a cheeseball and cake pops. Lisa made the cake pops and they were awesome. I got a cake for free at Byerly's just by bringing in Ivar's birth certificate. The plan wasn't originally to give him the entire cake, but the family gathered insisted we let him go for it. So we did.

Mimi and Papa won the prize for best dressed. The invite asked for polka dots and they came dressed to party. It was awesome. And Toby wore his dog named Polkadot taped to his body. I was so excited to see Polkadot again...I hadn't seen him since I used to tuck him into bed with Toby when I'd babysit him as a baby. It was like an old friend surprising us for a visit

I'll share more on the games we played and the decorations I made. It was a homemade party and so super fun. Ivar is so blessed by all of his family. He was born into two fun groups of people and that was very obvious at his first birthday party.