marsupial mama

This Peekaru was given to us by our Colorado Frick family. Ivar is sitting in his baby bjorn and then this fleece vest zips up the side to keep him warm. I used it on Friday while shoveling with him and today we went out to take a walk.

I cannot tell you how much I love this thing. At first I thought it was more funny than functional, but it is awesome! Ivar LOVES it. As soon as I put it on I check in the mirror to make sure he can see and he is always smiling so big. For a Minnesota Mama who desperately still needs to get outside from time to time, this is the perfect gift.

can I have a do-over?

I spoke at a women’s conference this weekend. I was so honored to be asked to be a workshop speaker by one of my favorite people in the world and immediately wrote out my notes feeling inspired and confident.

When I got to the conference, I heard the key note speaker and she spoke on a subject different than what I thought the conference was centered on. So I decided to adjust my session a bit. And then I realized that I had really geared my talk towards middle and high school girls (the conference started out just for them but then grew to accommodate all ages) and when I got into my breakout room, there were more post high school women than anyone else.

So I started talking and suddenly decided to change things up a bit to better reach my audience. This begins my train wreck. My organized thoughts suddenly became a mess in my head. My main points were scattered and I could see it in the eyes of the 50 or so faces looking back at me. I think pregnancy brain was also messing me up a bit. But I kept going. I tried to get it back together. But then Mean Voice started to talk louder. Mean Voice was seriously crowding my thinking saying not helpful things like, “tell me again why you thought it was a good idea to restructure this talk while giving it?” and “pretty sure you’re not saying anything insightful or new. You can tell everyone has heard all of this before.” And the more I battled Mean Voice, the more I sped through the stories I had to tell, the more I brushed over relevant points without giving each thought the depth I wanted to share. Mean Voice made me want to get out of there…fast.

In the end, my session concluded and the 50 women in there probably thought I was just a nervous communicator. But I knew better. I know that I had something to share and that I really botched it up.

It’s such a bad feeling. Rory was there watching Ivar and afterwards he took me out for a big chocolate chip cookie and we came home and pulled the curtains, watched a movie and I took a long nap. And when I woke up, I still felt crappy.

The crazy thing is that I know how human this is, and how normal it is just to blow it once in a while. So today I’m working on forgiving myself and finding the grace to do so. I’m trying to tell myself that this is just one experience and not to let this one throw me for future speaking opportunities.

But sheesh, I hate these life experiences! And I hate Mean Voice.

In the end, I suppose all that really happened through this experience is that my pride took a hit and I was humbled again realizing that I, too, have really off days that are painfully refining. Ugh.

I just got old.

I was shopping for an everyday top to wear that is easy to nurse Ivar in. Flannels seemed like the good choice, and when I tried this one on I found this tag. I think I officially became my mom when I read this. Keep the crinkles? Crinkles are in style?!! And by crinkles, you surely just mean wrinkles, right?!! Made me laugh. Didn't get the flannel. But at least now I officially know how clothing gets its wrinkles.

how to say his name

It never crossed my mind that we were naming our son a name that could be pronounced so many different ways. But I've heard a lot of different vowel sounds since he's been born. That 'a' seems to mess a lot of people up. But his name sounds much more like Iver, with a strong I and an er ending.

As my brother-in-law Jedd likes to say, "It's Ivar like MacGyver

the art of the thank you

I got this thank you in the mail from my 5 year old niece, Mara: And this one from 3 year old, Sonna:

And they came in this envelope from my sister, Annika. It says, "I love you, Sis! Great to 'see you' on Skype lately. Sonna: "Mom, you are good at flushing!" Always the encourager!

A few thoughts. The envelope note made me laugh. First because the content is hysterical. Sonna complimented Annika's ability to flush the toilet. That is funny stuff. I can't wait until Ivar can boost my ego with such complementary words... And second because our dad is the King of Envelope Notes. This is how he operates. Most weeks at college dad would send me the church bulletin in an envelope with an envelope note. Short, to the point, and consistent. I loved it.

Annika is amazing at thank yous. She always gets hers out on time and writes something thoughtful and considerate. I got this thank you in the mail and it snapped me out of my thank you note denial. I have another 70 to write since Ivar was born and so far I've been playing the New Baby card very well. But I believe it is time to write five a day until they are done. After all, I am so grateful and its time I thank the proper people for their generosity. It's just so daunting.

But something about Mara taking the time to write all of those words and to draw a picture of Twister, and Sonna working so hard on every one of those letters made me think it's time for me to work hard too and get them done.

Until then, for all of you still waiting for a thank you for a gift you sent: THANK YOU for your patience and generosity. A thank you should be coming shortly to a mailbox near you.