one little word

Some of you might remember how I chose one word to focus on for 2010. This is Ali Edward's idea, a favorite blogger/scrapbooker of mine. Last year my word was Trust and I thought about this word a lot throughout the year. When I picked it, I knew we were hoping to get pregnant and knew that if we did get pregnant we'd want to be closer to family. And I knew that this would affect my work and Rory's work. Rory had an office space leased out for three years so we had no intention to move back to Minnesota. There were a lot of unknowns and so the word I chose was chosen to keep me calm, at peace and remembering that God always has the bigger picture.

This year I have chosen the word Try. Truthfully, this year, my word picked me. Last year I had to read from the list of words to choose from and ended up selecting four words and then finally narrowing it down to one. But this year, I just had one word come to mind the very first time I thought about choosing a word.

There are a few things on my life list that I really want to pursue, but out of fear of failure, have yet to take even the first step towards the goal. I know that to not try is the actual failure. I get so worried about what others might think that I end up paralyzed. But in 2011 my word is Try. I'm just going to try, and if I fail then at least I tried which means I didn't actually fail.

I know this all sounds very vague and that I have nothing in this writing for you to actually sink your teeth into. But for now I'm going to keep the particulars to myself and let them unfold in real time. I'll keep you posted on how this one goes.

I would encourage you to pick a word too. There is something grounding about the process. It sort of helps you keep a continual focus for 365 days. I wrote about the process last year here. And Ali Edwards has written about the process here.

the holy family

I was so excited for our Halloween costumes this year. I had it all planned out. Rory would be Joseph, I would be Mary and we would drive all around to friends and family houses in a panic, with Rory pleading for room in their Inn, telling them that his wife was great with child. In my head, this was genius. I had my mom get costumes from church and I was ready for the drama to unfold.

In an odd twist, I actually was going into labor on Halloween, so I never got to live out this brilliant costume idea. Instead, about the time I was hoping to be going door to door, laughing about going into labor, I was actually in active labor, trying to survive from contraction to contraction. (It should be noted, however, that the picture above of me as Mary was taken moments before we went to the hospital the first time. As we were leaving the house I was lamenting the fact that such a perfect costume would not be used and so I put it on and had Rory take my picture. This might be added to my birth story: If you are trying on halloween costumes on your way to the hospital, you probably aren't in serious labor yet.)

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when Ivar was asked to be baby Jesus at my home church. Remember how we just weren't quite comfortable having a 5th grader carry our newborn up stairs while wearing a robe cinched up with a rope? Our baby just felt to fragile to hand over so soon...

So, imagine our great surprise when last weekend, as we were walking into church for the Christmas program, we were intercepted by the nativity coordinator and asked if the three of us would be Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus on Christmas Eve. Rory's reply was, "For crying out loud!" (I think he knew this holy family thing wasn't going to just go away) We agreed because this time we would be holding our baby and as Rory put it so eloquently, "well, we'll be there anyway..." Thank you, Joseph.

So on Christmas Eve, Ivar got to be Jesus. And he was fantastic. He kicked his bare feet and wiggled his hands the whole time. I'm afraid I looked more like Cousin Itt than Mary, as my hair covered my face the whole time I looked down to keep Ivar content. But it was great, and a truly sweet moment for our little family.

eight weeks

Dear Ivar,
You are eight weeks old today. And I love you to pieces. When you wake up in the morning I walk to your crib tired and slow and then I see you and my heart overflows. It's such a cool feeling. It's like I am surprised by happiness first thing each day. And now you've started to smile and have the beginnings of a laugh- sort of an open mouth excited inhale. We love this laugh and have found it to be quite contagious.

It's been a really full eight weeks. Your dad and I took you for a picnic your fourth day of life and to church on your sixth. And then I started taking you on outings on my very own. The first was to your cousins Jack and Josie's middle school play. I was so cautious as I drove my most precious possession all the way to Apple Valley. And I was so excited to be out and about with you. I felt able and even a bit free. You and me, we made a good team and I was just beginning to realize how much more fun every part of life was going to become. I like running errands with you. I like loading you into the car and having a companion in the backseat to sing to.

Your dad has fully fallen for you. He's always plucking you out of my arms, wanting his turn. You give him the biggest smiles, and he knows it. You two stare at each other and smile and talk and grunt and clearly love each other’s company. In the mornings after you have a fully belly, your dad will take you into the living room and sit you in his arm while he reads the Bible. You're always so calm and quiet during this time of the day as you take in the sunlight on the ceiling and listen to your dad.

Your cry is still pretty quiet, but it is growing louder. You talk mostly in grunts and throaty swallow-sounds. You are super interested in ceiling fans and much to my surprise, your crib mobile. I had no idea that those mobiles were so practical. I actually thought they were more for decoration than anything, but you love it.

You are a sweet snuggler. When I put you on my shoulder to burp at night, you tuck your legs in as tight as you can and make a tiny little ball propped on my arm. I love this so much. And once the sun is up I'll sometimes bring you into our bed and sleep for our last bit with you breathing deep on my chest. There is absolutely no better feeling. It's my favorite thing in the world.

You love your paci, but we love your paci even more. It truly does pacify and I love how it helps you succumb to your sleepiness. You still wake up throughout the night about every three hours, but you're starting to stretch those hours a bit more now and we're thrilled at the thought of longer stretches of sleep.

You have changed our lives forever and all of the clichés are true. We’ve never been so in love. We can’t imagine life without you. .

We love you Ivar.

my boys

This was Ivar and Rory today before church. I am so glad I got this picture because I'm starting to notice a strong correlation between the cuteness of Ivar's clothes and blowout diapers and/or massive amounts of spit up. It seems the cuter the outfit, the faster he does something bodily that necessitates a costume change.

Today we lasted three minutes in church before I felt wetness on my leg...which was coming from the wetness on my son's back...which was coming from the wetness in his diaper. I wasn't at all put off by the mess we had on our hands, but I was so sorry he had to change out of his cute outfit before I could show him off!

vanity, vanity...

happy baby

merry christmas from Becca Groves on Vimeo.

Isn't it amazing to think that God came to us as a baby? I've been thinking about this so much this season, wondering what it must have been like for Jesus to suddenly be so dependent for all of his needs. He was God, after all, able to do all things. And then he came to earth to love and save the world, but born as baby who cried and ate and slept and smiled just like every other baby in the world.

My friend Shannon wrote in an email to me this week, "How amazing that a BABY born in the world and in us makes us open to life in a way that redeems us." I am feeling this amazement this year like never before.

I wish you the most joyous Christmas. I hope the birth of Jesus, God with us, overwhelms all of our hearts once again.