homemade snow globes and I'm still here!

I've been getting emails and texts asking if I'm doing okay...it's been so long since I have posted here! And the answer is Yes! Doing great and living this season fully. (Also, my computer is in the cold laundry room, and has to be connected to an actual internet cable so that I can't move it anywhere...and it is so cold in this part of the house that I have very little incentive to come back here! But I just batch edited all my December pictures, so get ready...blog posts are on their way!)

Now let's talk about these snow globes. I found this tutorial the day before our Harrington Family Christmas and I basically stopped all of life in order to get these babies made to give as Christmas gifts to my parents. They are so darling. They were pretty straight forward to make, though the glycerine/glitter ratio was a little tricky late, late at night...just a heads up. But I wanted to post these pictures so that if you are looking for a last minute grandma and grandpa gift, you now have this darling idea. Fire up your hot glue gun!

Funny story from these snow globes. Before we took the pictures I showed the kids the original post where the idea was from and they got really excited. I told them to go put on their winter gear to take their individual pictures and Elsie left for a long time and then came back with her hair done, a dress and high heels. Oh that girl. She is a delight. And looks stunning in her snow globe. (Alden wasn't going for any of the winter gear, hence the pj's.)

So a few catch up stories:
Elsie- The road we take to church and Aldi has been closed since April. It finally opened back up and lo and behold they put in a round-about at the entrance of a subdivision. You should know that I am the president of the Round-Abouts-Are-Dumb fan club. I just think they're dumb. But Elsie, on our first spin around our new round-about (on a quiet road with barely any traffic) said to me, "This is my dream! I love these! And now we can ride on this everyday!" And it made puff a laugh and I was grateful to have Elsie in my life. And I swallowed my own opinions and decided to grab hold of Elsie's attitude.

Alden- He toddles everywhere, is quite hefty and talks a lot. When he wakes in the morning he bellows, "HaaaaaTeeeee! HaaaaaTeeeee!" And then when I get him out he leans forward whispering, "Essie? Essie?" He still calls me Dadda, and when I correct him and say, "I'm Mama" he will look at me and say cheerfully, "DaddaMama!" He adds joy and delight to every day. And rearranges anything not locked down in our house. Every day.

Ivar- We are reading The Viking Quest series right now. Actually, Ivar is reading each book first and them I'm dying for him to finish so I can start reading the next one. He told me while reading the first book that he really wanted me to read it...that I would love it. So late one night I picked it up and thought I'd read a chapter to be kind to his wishes, but then I got sucked in and read half the book! They are so good! They teach how to hear God's voice and how to believe even when everything seems impossible. And they are intense! If I had read the books first I likely would have waited until Ivar was 10, but I didn't, and he seems fine. I think it is more challenging reading, but Ivar told me, "when I don't know a word, I just skip it. It usually doesn't matter." Ha.

Hattie- Hattie is always talking about whose birthday is next. So now each day she'll tell me excitedly a couple times, "Baby Jesus' Birthday Comin' Up!"

Rory- We brought two ewes to auction on Monday and on Wednesday we brought our lamb Big Sister to butcher. We love our animals and these goodbyes are really sad. I loved one of those ewes so much...she was so friendly and tame. But it's also part of this life and becoming more routine. A strange reality to recognize.

Me- I've enjoyed this December so much this year. We decorated the day after Thanksgiving and then I got all crafty and made a huge wreath out of our evergreen, made big stars out of sticks and twine, made a bunch of paper snowflakes with the kids and hung some new decorations in new places. I really got a kick start on the season. But then I think I sort of sat on my hands for a while, so that now, the fact that it is December 20th is crazy pants to me and I still need to find a few gifts! I do this every year! The last minute run around is just a part of my December tradition, I guess. But it's fun, isn't it? Even in Walmart two nights ago I felt glad and happy to be out and about getting things ready for Christmas.

So that's all for now! And I've got more posts to come. But for now, know that we're doing well over here. I had a friend's girls over tonight while their folks hosted a work christmas party. I told all the kids over dinner, "Tomorrow the days start to get longer! It's the winter solstice!" And Lily moaned, "Oh nooooo. I don't want the days to be any longer before Christmas. I just want it to be here!"

Isn't that great? It was such a great reminder of Christmas as a kid. All the joy and anticipation for that one day. What fun!

Alden's Day 2018

You will never believe this. I woke up, mom got me out of my crib and brought me to her bedroom window...and there were guys on my roof. Lots of them. I stayed very, very still and kept a close eye on them. I knew right then this was going to be an interesting day.

Then Elsie woke up and she helped me keep an eye on the roof guys. Mom didn't seem concerned, so I relaxed a bit. Which was good because this day was going to get noisy!

It was only after making Peanut Butter and Jelly Toast that Mom thought of the last time I took over her blog and shared pictures from a typical day and she decided maybe it was time to do it again. The crazy thing is, it was almost a year to the day that we did this last year! So Mom committed to keep her camera out and take pictures all day long. To be noted, new this year, Elsie can make the PBJ Toast! This is a great step forward for Groveskind. Mom is so thrilled. Also, we don't always have PBJ Toast, but we go in streaks for breakfast foods, and right now we're once again on a PBJ toast streak.

Hattie got all sticky while eating her toast and was so glad to be told to go and wash her hands. That's basically all Hattie does anymore. She just stands on the step stool and squirts the soap, adds some water, squirts some more soap, makes faces in the mirror, makes bubbles, talks about the bubbles... and it goes on and on until Mom remembers that she sent her to wash her hands and tells her she needs to be done.

I'm not there yet. I just sit in my high chair until Mom takes the time to hold me with her one arm right under my arm pits, and then uses her other arm to quirt soap into each hand while I splash and squirm and try to get my feet into the sink. Sometime mom procrastinates on cleaning me because it can be quite the mess.

So she puts off the inevitable and makes her own breakfast while I watch. She's doing another Whole 30 right now, with a few modifications this time (like rice) and is happy to be off of sugar again.

But it's too bad she didn't wash my hands when she took that first picture! Because guess where I put my sticky fingers?!! When I said I was "all done!" I meant it. so get me out of this thing so I can go dump something on the floor!

Meanwhile, when Hattie washed her hands, and Mom ate her eggs and I discovered hair gel, Ivar and Elsie got to work up in Lego Land. This is part of the upstairs closet where they can play and not be terrorized by people like me, people who love to destroy lego creations. Also, if they are playing in Lego Land, it means they are done with their morning chores. Or at least they are supposed to be!

Mom loves this wall in her bedroom and just wanted to show you.

So I wish you could hear the audio of this day, but since you can't I will tell you that those workers were ripping off every shingle on our house and then nailing in new boards on the existing roof before pounding in the shingles. Sometimes the house positively shook. It was so loud and exciting! The workers were fun to watch, but we all agreed they looked terribly cold. So Hattie and Mom decided to make them Monster Cookies.

Hattie is always happy to help in the kitchen.

And I'm happy to help too, but it does seem I continue to get set in my high chair. This time I had feelings about that. I was so mad! I wanted to be right there by the mixer, making sure the blade was spinning in that batter by testing it with my own hand. So Mom put me in lock down...I mean, in my high chair and I was not happy. But then she gave me a little tootsie pop from the halloween candy and then I was happy.

Hattie and I went down for our naps, which was a little bit of a stretch since the workers were walking around right above our heads. But we stayed in our cribs and listened for a bit, while Mom got Ivar and Elsie working on school stuff. Ivar is learning about the 13 colonies as a part of his US History. Recently she was telling them about the constitution and Elsie said, "The thing that is embarrassing about the Constitution is that it sounds like constiTOOTion." Let me tell you, we are never at a loss for potty humor around here. Everybody just loves a good toot joke!

And Elsie is almost a full-blown reader! She has been working so hard and is almost done with her reading book and it is so fun to watch it all come together. Also, when Ivar took this picture he said to her, "Elsie, you look very beautiful right now." Later Dad told Mom that he had told Ivar to stop looking for things Elsie was doing wrong and to look for opportunities to build her up.

Look at this sweet Ewe. Just walked right up to Mom when she was walking out to the cabin. Our sheep are so tame and friendly.

And here's Dad working out in his office. He is writing a book right now and it is almost finished. Also, if this had been a Monday or a Wednesday, he would be working at the butcher shop. He is learning so much!

Now look at that guy! And I'm trying to sleep right under where he is working!

Well, my nap didn't last too much longer and guess who was in our house when I came downstairs?!! Hershey the Rabbit!!! Mom had rescued her because her hutch was covered with tarp and nails kept falling on her metal roof. So she went and got her for a day in the downstairs shower. Ivar was thrilled and brought her out to play many times this day.

Then Hershey went back in the shower and we tuned into our favorite show, Shingles at Sundown.

Then it was time to make dinner! This was a big day in the kitchen. Mom made cauliflower rice, monster cookies, scalloped potatoes, a ham and a loaf of bread in this one day. Her cooking ebbs and flows, sometimes she's into it and sometimes she's not. But lately she has been enjoying her time in the kitchen which is good news for good eaters like me.

 

This was our own pig, our own potatoes and our own onion. We love meals like this!

After supper we all tidy up the house. Elsie is super duper helpful in the kitchen and adds a lot of joy to Mom's work in there. That's fun when a 37 year old can be inspired by a 6 year old's chipper attitude.

And then we got the projector out and watched the videos of Mom and Dad when they went to Tanzania just after they got married. They liked remembering that season of life. They kept saying to each other, "do you remember our life back then? what were we doing with all of our time? I hardly remember our day to day..." I mostly liked snuggling with mom and Elsie.

And then we had Family Worship. That means: we sing a hymn, read a portion from the Bible and pray together before bedtime. Hattie and my favorite hymn is Holy, Holy, Holy. We sing it all night long when we are trying to fall asleep. Holy, holy, holy, holy, holy, holy, holy, holy, holy... Mom uses her Hymn Cards so we all have a copy of the words and it has become a very favorite part of the day. And Mom and Dad are so glad we are learning these important songs. Otherwise we'd never hear them! They are very aware that the Hymns rarely say "me" or "I" or "us" or "we." The hymns are mostly about God and how good he is. It is refreshing! So we end our days singing of how good God is, and then I hit the hay with the other three. And these days, Mom and Dad come to bed pretty soon after. Thanks for joining me for another day! And be sure to read the disclaimer at the end of last year's post if this all looks a little bit too perfect for you... ;)

halloween 2018

This year was a first, as I made one of our costumes. I was so, so proud! Ivar wanted a Batman cape and I hand stitched the whole thing. (I was too nervous to re-thread my bobbin in the sewing machine with black thread...) It is definitely one of a kind...I made half sleeves for his forearms and then what I am calling "backpack straps" to keep the cape on his shoulders. I knew he wouldn't like something tied around his neck, so this was my own innovation. Ivar was so thrilled that I made it. He told many proudly, "and my mom made this cape!" Made me feel like wonder woman. :)

My mom always made this pumpkin guy each year. Now I have the milk can thing (is this what it is called?) so I brought him back to life for another childhood of Pumpkin Guy! Here Batman is trying to take him out....

Elsie made a last minute switch from princess to lion (thanks for the costume, Beth and Presley!) and Hattie brought back the honey bee. Honestly, I just get out the dress up clothes and let the kids pick that afternoon. Then Rory showed up at 6 after a day at the meat locker, dressed up as a butcher. I asked him if he wanted to change his blood-stained pants and he said, "no the pants add authenticity to the costume."

And here is the Boo Crew! We met up with friends at a neighbor's house and then all headed to a local church for Trunk or Treating. It was a fantastic Halloween.

3 fun gatherings

Have you noticed my lack of photos? My computer is full with no more storage for my SD card. For two years I have been deleting other photos to make room, but now I'm having a hard time deleting photos because I still want them. Anyhoo, that's the reason I don't have pics on here lately...

I have three fun gatherings I wanted to write about though all set in our living room.

1) Lego Movie Night
Ivar had planned for this night for months and months. He is super into making Stop Motion movies using his legos with his friend Blake. So he had this idea to invite six families for a movie night where he would sell popcorn, monster cookies and apple cider to earn some money. And in exchange everyone could enjoy his great movies.

It was pretty awesome. He explained each movie a bit (most last like 10-15 seconds) and he had them organized in categories: the early years (his first videos), Batman and Robin, Barf Monster and Favorites. After the movies and concessions, we brought out two huge bins of legos I checked out from our library and all the kids could build their own creations. It was a super fun night of family fun.

2) Hattie-Rory-Ivar Birthday celebration with the Groves
We had the Groves clan here to celebrate these three and it was a really great day. We went to church and then came home for chili and corn bread. But something terrible happened. When I sat down to eat my chili, I took a bite and it was gross. Something was seriously wrong. Have you ever had this happen before?!! As a host, it's like the worst thing possible. I couldn't figure out what had happened. I make great chili and I genuinely found this chili inedible.

I told my table not to eat theirs, but they were polite. I brought it up to Rory later and he said he thought the chili was great. (ha! what on earth?!!) But he was wrong. It was the opposite of great. Not until everyone left and Rory went to put the leftover chili tupperware did we figure it out (I had told Rory to toss it all). But he still liked it and wanted to save it, so it was then that he found one solid inch of burned chili on the bottom of my huge kettle. I had come home from church, tried to heat the chili real fast, and as a result there was an added smokey (charred...) flavor to my usual soup.

Honestly, while it was happening I was thinking, "I think I'm done entertaining. It's just too stressful. I always forget something or ruin something..." But I think God heard that because after we opened gifts I had each family give a life update with prayer requests so we could know what was really happening in each other's lives. And that part was so, so good. There is a lot that doesn't come up during regular conversation and I loved hearing where everyone was at. And it was during that time that I decided maybe I would host another gathering again sometime.

3) Rory's 41st birthday
Which was a good thing that I decided that because I had four other couples coming over one week later for Rory's birthday. For months we have wanted to get these four other couples who are hobby farming like we are together in one room. So I sent out the invite and asked everyone to get a sitter.

We had each couple share their dreams for their farm and any prayer requests they had. And it was so rich. There were so many similarities in prayer concerns given our age and life stage and I felt so grateful for this time together. These were also families that showed up to help immediately after the tornado hit two of our farms. So we talked about the goodness of community and working together and already have our next gathering on the calendar to all help butcher one family's 120 chickens. And we are genuinely enthused!

So I will continue to invited people into our house. :) I will say that I never seem to get everything right, but I still think it is worth it to invite others over in the name of community, fellowship and friendship.

these are the days

***I just bent down to pick up a used band aid and yelped when I grabbed it because it was actually a piece of cold, wet ham.

***On a whim last Thursday we decided to potty train Hattie. She was totally ready. Understood what was going on, and proved so by only having two actual accidents. The best part is that every time while peeing she will happily announce, "water comin' out!"

***Alden was climbing up the steps and clearly had a lego wheel in his mouth. I told him to spit it out, and he just clenched his teeth. I stuck my finger in there and did a full mouth swipe, only to find there wasn't anything in there at all. I said, "well what is in your mouth?" And clear as a bell, he looked up and said to me, "teeeeeeeth."

***Alden's vocabulary is hilarious because he is quite verbal but seems to only say what needs to be said. For example, he calls Rory Dada and me Dada. It works. But if he sees something round and flat he will muster all his perfect diction to be sure he is understood, "Coo Key! Coo Key!"

***Today we took the kids to Cabella's so I could try on Carhartt coats and overalls. I don't actually want a Carhartt coat or winter overalls, but Rory said I should have winter farm work clothes so I will be warm working outside in the cold and stop ruining the coat that I wear all other places. So we went as a family and when I tried on the first coat, Elsie's face fell. She was positively mortified. Sure Carhartt coats look like an actual box on a woman's body, but it wasn't that bad. But Elsie has an eye for lovely things, and this coat did not make the cut.

Then I tried on the overalls in the dressing room. When I came out to show the whole get up to Rory, he was on his phone, price checking with online sites. Turns out Cabella's prices were better than online. Turns out while he figured that out, Hattie wandered off. We all split in different directions, looking under racks of clothing, down aisles, and then heard the intercom, "Hello Cabella's visitors. We have a darling little girl up here with us in Customer..." And Rory was up there before the announcement was completed. Followed by me, all stuffed and hot in my winter overalls and boxy Carhartt jacket.

expectations reset

Last night I had my home school mom meeting and at the end we shared our prayer requests. I shared that my temper is short some days, and that I hate that I am not filled with peace and kindness every moment of the day. I really want to be.

Earlier in the day I had just come back into the kitchen and found that Hattie had grabbed the bag of pistachios from a high shelf and dumped most of them on the floor. At the same time Alden was up on the kitchen table taking flowers out of a vase and dumping the water on himself, the table, a chair and the floor. And then Elsie ran in the house screaming that she hit her head with the shovel. She had on her rain boots, caked with mud and had run from the back door, on our carpet and into the kitchen where she paced and cried and I tried to console and calm her down. But mostly I was upset with my muddy, wet, nut-filled kitchen floor.

Another mom who has older kids shared very wisely that once she realized that most of her frustrations stemmed from unrealistic expectations. I tested her theory.

I have an expectation that my kids should note the lovely, put-together home they wake up to and then pick up their messes as they play all day. Ivar and Elsie are genuinely great help and pretty good about meeting my expectation. But Alden and Hattie miss the mark. Because they are 1 and 3. Hattie is actually very, very helpful and loves to have a task, so she is learning. She was pleased to pick up the pistachios. But she makes so many messes, it is hard to keep up. Alden is a professional dumper these days. Which is exactly what one-year-old's do. He sees books on a shelf and hustles over to brush them all onto the floor. He sees anything hanging off the counter or table and he reaches up to investigate. I should expect no less.

I wanted to share this today because I already feel a little lighter. My expectations were throwing us all off and I think by simply resetting my expectations we will have a better day. That includes letting go of the floor for a period of time, and deciding in each moment not to get annoyed by how quickly the house is messy again.

So far it's going great. Though I imagine it will be harder when the kids get out of bed...

the squeaky wheel

Well, after my little cry fest on Sunday Rory sent out an SOS to his family.  I knew this because my brother-in-law Kyle called me on Sunday evening and asked if he could take us all out to dinner on Tuesday night. I said, "did Rory tell you we're a bit of a mess?" "Yeah, something along those lines..."

So the call went out. Then I got a text from my friend Lindsay, a friend I haven't connected with in three whole years. And she asked if she could bring us a pot roast dinner for Monday night. She lives in Burnsville and came with her two little kids. I was so, so moved...she must have spent her entire day shopping, chopping, prepping and delivering. And the pot roast was incredible, as was our conversation while she was here. A friendship rekindled. What a gift!

In the mail that day I got a card from my friend Paige who just finished up seven months of chemotherapy for colon cancer. Paige has two young kids and has taught me SO MUCH about hope and gratitude and the goodness of God in the middle of hard, hard times. She sent a check for Rory and I to go out to dinner to celebrate our anniversary. The card, the gift, the sweet words from Paige...it all made me cry.

And the week kept rolling just like that. I got a text from my friend Beth asking if I had a favorite eating establishment in town and then had a gift card sent. Rory's folks came out on Tuesday so that Rory and I could go shopping for a washing machine and it felt quite nice just to be out and about, doing something as lackluster as shopping for a washing machine. That night Kyle and Lisa took our clan to Carbones and it was a blast. Just fun to be out and about again, fun to go out for pizza with the kids.

Wednesday my mom came and I made pesto out of ALL THE BASIL I had saved from the frost on Friday night. If I never write about it again, you must try pesto with walnuts sometime. Pine nuts are just so expensive, but the walnuts were awesome. Then we canned the salsa I had made the day before. It felt good just to do some home stuff like this. We even braided all of our onions! I now have five darling bunches of onions, hanging from the ceiling downstairs. I told Mom that we can now file this under "added life skills."

The week went on. A friend brought us a spaghetti dinner. I was summoned for jury duty and laughed my head off, because the timing is crazy. My niece Madi brought our family Chick Filet last night, a FEAST of nuggets, lemonade, salads and sandwiches that she brought in warmer bags. My kids were over the moon and we ate like kings.

And yesterday the crew showed up to put the barn roof back on. Today at 2:00 they finished and drove away. We are beyond grateful that this is done because every time it rained we had to go up there and sweep all of the water towards the "drain" we cut through the floor at the front of the barn. It was a tedious, time-consuming, wet job. Now we have fans working to dry the place out.

But what a gift that it got done so quickly! It's only been two weeks since the tornado! Menards said that storm damage often gets jumped to the top of the list of production, and even though all of our pieces were custom order, they still got them here in 10 days!!! File that under 'things that are going right in the world!' (I think we could all agree that we could use more in that file...)

So we are doing way better. We were at a play date this morning with many other mom's who have had significant storm damage. It was a gift to be together to process and talk.

And now my folks are back and Dad is moving tree branches and my mom is sorting our laundry. And I am switching out summer clothes to winter clothes. Which seems to take me days to accomplish. Anyone else?!! But I'm getting there. I've finished Elsie's, Ivar's and my clothes. Next I'll switch out Alden and Hattie's. Talk about Friday goals!

So that's the latest. I am just beginning to write thank you notes, and they are an absolute joy to write. Every word of gratitude I am pouring into those cards is so deeply felt and I just want everyone to know it. Community, family, friends, neighbors and new friends. What a joy to be a part of each other's lives! I am overflowing with thanksgiving, a great place to find myself. (With occasional bouts of overwhelm and meltdowns, for good measure...)

falling apart a bit...

Well that whole day-is-over-when-the-sun-goes-down lasted a good few days. But every day it is getting darker so much earlier! So it was nice while it lasted. We'll still light candles in the evening. And Saturday night we lit the biggest candle of them all: the wood stove. It was the first fire of the season and there is nothing like it. That radiant heat is so good. Warms you all the way through.

In other news, I fell apart today.

I'm not completely sure why, but I have lots of ideas. And I'm pretty sure this has to do with that female spaghetti brain thing. Because none of these are related, and yet because I am living them, all of them are related.

I woke up this morning and told Rory that I needed to have our anniversary do-over date on the calendar so I have something to look forward to. He said he can't think more than a few days ahead or he is filled with anxiety, so he couldn't commit to anything. I get that. He has so many details to oversee right now and the stress load around here is very high. But I just wanted the date on the calendar. I'm afraid it will get lost in the mix.

We were supposed to be in St. Louis this weekend, resting by my aunt and uncle's pool. I was really looking forward to the undivided family time. It was a great disappointment to have to cancel.

Our kittens have a bad habit of climbing into the warm engine of our cars and then not getting out when they hear us loading up. I tragically killed two kittens in this horrific way just as I was to leave for a homeschool meeting at the beginning of the month. It was as awful as it sounds. Actually, more awful than you can imagine. And then this Thursday Rory told me casually that the black kitten, my favorite one and the most friendly, was in his truck engine when he left for Menards and he had already buried it in the ground. I cried and cried for that kitten. Rory is on overload, and his waffle-iron brain had already ran the equation: kitten in engine--> kitten's fault--> farm cats are not pets--> move on to next thing. But my spaghetti brain had eruptions at every site. The death of my favorite kitten tipped the scale for me.

And then this morning my goat wouldn't let me milk her. I made a mistake earlier this week and haven't been able to milk her ever since. It's sad. I'm so frustrated with myself.

So when we got to church a friend asked how I was and right there in the parking lot I began bawling like a baby. And I never really got it together. I wasn't certain exactly why I was crying. Mostly I think I am exhausted. I made a stupid little sight sitting there through all the songs, blowing my nose and wiping my eyes.

And I know these things are all just half of the truth. The other half is good and filled with goodness. Saturday we had another amazing work day. My folks and friends from church all came out on Saturday. Even a friend who had more damage on her property than we had on our own. She just wanted to help someone else for a while. A couple from the Catholic church came to help us, as well as three high school sisters who go to a Lutheran church in town. We had never met these volunteers before and they came and spent their Saturday chainsawing, hauling and building community on our farm. It was so good. Community feels so good.

And our farm is looking better and better. The helping hours logged are truly remarkable. We are grateful.

And this is true: We will celebrate our anniversary another time, we will reschedule our family vacation, kitten deaths really do suck and Darcy will eventually let me milk her again. It may just be in a year after she has her next babies. And I also can stop eating donuts. Because I ate many on Saturday and I think part of this mess of moods is due to a flat out sugar/gluten crash. But it's hard to turn down donuts when you're battling disappointment.

So that's the latest. I'll be fine. Somehow this experience has stirred up murky waters inside. I've had neighbors say the same thing and Rory and I feel it too. There's a general un-ease and sorrow hanging about. And we rejoice that all were kept safe and that our homes were kept from harm. But for some reason it still feels bad. And sad. Which is why I need to go to bed now.

the sun is down, the day is over.

We were without power for three nights and three full days after the tornado came through. And since our well house runs on electricity, we were without water as well.

I sort of loved it.

Actually, I totally loved it.  Friday night I looked out the window and realized I had about an hour of light left to clean my house for Saturday. I knew my aunts were coming and would be running my kitchen, so I had one hour to get my house ready. I worked hard. I kept looking out the window at the setting sun to see how much time I had left. Rory was gone, so at dusk I walked out to the barn and did the evening chores. When Ivar and Elsie and I got back inside, I lit a ton of tea light candles in mason jars and the day was over.

There was nothing else we could do because it was so dark. The flicker of candles was so peaceful and the conversation was so rich as we sat quietly and talked about the day.

I sent a picture of our lit candles to the Groves family and wrote: "I wonder what we will learn in heaven about dusk and how we are supposed to end our day when the sun sets. I anticipated the dark an hour before it arrived and hurried to be ready and prepared for it. And now that it is dark my day is completely over. Can't do anything. Better go to bed. Amazing."

Our power came back on late Sunday night. But Monday I pretended like it was still out when the sun began to set. I got the candles ready. I worked hard, watching the setting sun as my clock, and ended the day when it was too dark to work any longer.

The Bible promises that "He gives to his beloved rest." (Psalm 127)

I am pretty certain this is the gift he is giving us when the sun sets. We are just so quick to turn back on the lights.

Try it tonight. Be completely done with the day when it is dark and sit in candle light. You're going to love it.

so grateful

I wrote this text as an email to my friend Dorothy. I'm going to cut and paste it here because I am so exhausted. I can hardly see straight at the moment and need to go to bed....

Oh we are so thankful. Our hearts are full and touched by all of the help that showed up this weekend. And our hearts are heavy and hurting for all the loss around us. We lost six oak trees, each that was 200-300 years old. Huge, beautiful oaks. You can see the gap above our barn that used to be filled with two giant oaks, both twisted on the ground now. We have friends who lost nearly every tree on their acreage. And yet their home and garage are completely fine. It feels quite miraculous as none of our neighbors had major damage to their homes from falling tees. And yet everyone lost old, old oaks and hundreds of trees through the neighborhood.

The loss of landscape is so sad, but the truth is, Friday and Saturday turned into total parties. We never had a moment either day when there wasn't someone here. And we got so much done! Saturday we had 60 people come through, all ready to help or bringing food. Uncle Jake brought his cherry picker, Uncle Carl was on the barn building a temp roof with Rory over the stairwell, Aunt Louie and Aunt Annie brought enough lunch to feed 40, Sarah and Brooks and Jessica and Dan all came with kids and trucks were flying all around pulling out branches, moving loads to the massive burn pile. I had a friend from my homeschool group come with her family and her neighbor's came too. Our friend's Randy and Jake showed up and cut up oaks, hopped on the roof and pulled big branches with their 4 wheeler. The kids were all holding kittens and shucking corn for fun. That night we had the young adults from our church for 2 hours of help, a big shared lasagna meal and then we had barn worship in the upstairs under the stars. It was so great.

And the churches in our town have been incredible. Saturday morning I got a phone call from a friend Bonnie asking if she could bring a hot lasagna meal for dinner on behalf of Canvas Church. She said, "and how many are we feeding tonight?" I said, "well, we have six in our family..." And she said, "yes, but what about your help? Can I bring two pans of lasagna?" It was so amazing! Showed up and I was able to feed a crowd with salad and garlic bread and apple cider and brownies! 

Sunday we went to our good friends and neighbors who were the ones who lost nearly every tree. They are close friends and we decided to all stay home from church and have a house worship together on their porch. It was really special. We ate lunch together and talked through the next few days and it was just so good. And Rory and I got to take hot showers there because they had their water hooked up to the generator. Which was AMAZING. Then we came home, and I took a nap while Hattie and Alden napped. And when I woke up I was over it all. Total mood change. Exhausted. Overwhelmed. So tired. But Rory had big plans for us to lay poly sheeting on the barn floor together, getting it just so. And it wasn't our finest hour! It was our 13th wedding anniversary and I seemed to think we should be doing something a little less practical and a bit more romantic. But he is a good, wise farmer, pressing on until we have things set for the rain Monday night. 

In the end he took me to Culver's, but his parents (who were babysitting for us) saw the unflattering side of me. Tired, crabby, exhausted. And disappointed because we discussed how we can't go to St. Louis this weekend, as we had planned. So I was frustrated and bummed. And did I mention, tired? Though the power did come back on when they were here, which was great! We had gone 3 nights and 3 days without electricity or running water (toilets were the greatest challenge...)

Rory assures me we'll celebrate the big year number 13 another day. 

And now I'm off to bed.

Again, we are so grateful that we were kept safe, as well as all of our neighbors. We needed your prayers in that moment. I know that for certain. We just started saying Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. And he held us.