why I love being a mom

Elsie was supposed to be in nap time/quite play time but clearly had made it into the bathroom where she had mascara time. Impressively, she got quite a bit of mascara on her actual eye lashes. And even more impressively, she is not blind after using so much mascara so closely to her eyes!

The moment was hilarious to me. It felt like I had arrived at a quintessential moment in raising a little girl. She watches me when I put on my makeup and always asks who wears makeup. We talk about how her cousins Ruby, Mara, Sonna and Svea do not wear makeup yet. But that Josie and Maddie do because they are older. She'll ask if Grandpa Paul wears makeup or cousin Jack. And we talk about how makeup is just for girls when they are bigger. She's very interested in all of it.

I maybe should have taken less adorable pictures in this moment and scolded a little harder, because the next day she found my same mascara (I know, I know) and came down just as proud and pleased. So then we put the kibosh on using mom's makeup and mom also put her makeup on a high shelf.

These moments in motherhood are so sweet. They're such an honor. To get to explain how some things we have to wait to do until we're older. To teach and show and direct and explain. I'm really loving this part of the mama gig lately. Ivar and Elsie have these fresh eyes on the world and are full of wonder. Their enthusiasm this spring for dandelions and violets is helping me see these beautiful things with my own fresh eyes.

I have the honor to get to introduce them to the world, but at the same time, they're reintroducing me to the awe and wonders of the world that abound when you're a kiddo.

Sara has a song called I Can't Wait, and I'm just realizing she has already summed up in song what I'm trying to say in words. The chorus says, "And you'll teach me of hearts and dreams, and all the most important things, and all that I have lost along the way. And I can't wait."

Happy Mother's Day Everyone!

blooms everywhere!

This springtime is stunning. Our tulips are glorious, the apple blossoms and cherry blossoms are amazing and now the lilacs have bloomed and the whole world smells like something you could never put in a bottle.

Elsie asks us every day, "what day is it today?" We say, "Friday." And she says, "No! I want it to be Springtime!" Which I could not figure out for weeks until she was singing herself to sleep one night, her favorite song from ECFE, "Spring is Coming, Spring is Coming, Hear the Birds! Hear the Birds! They are busy looking, they are busy looking, For big fat worms. For big fat worms." The next morning I told her we could change the song to Spring is Here! Spring is Here! And I think she was satisfied. Because it really is here!

burn piles

At ECFE yesterday (the weekly parent-child preschool we go to) the kids got to finger paint with orange, yellow and red and then glue logs on top to make camp fires. After class, Ivar's teacher told me that Ivar was the most enthusiastic about the project and told his friends, "I'm going to give this to my dad! He loves burn piles! He does a burn pile like every day!"

Oh this made me laugh. We actually have only had two burn piles this week, but we also burned down the rest of the barn (we'll call that one very large burn pile), so there have been quite a few "camp fires" at the grovestead lately.

It certainly makes for some exciting days for little boys and little girls watching their dad use a chainsaw, watching trees falling over, getting tractor rides and seeing big fires (of course they are always a good distance away from all of these dangerous things!) We are clearing out a lot of undergrowth under our oak trees. A year ago we had a guy from the DNR come out here and tell us that our grove is actually an Oak Savannah and if wild fires came through every so often like historically they would have, all of the undergrowth would burn off, leaving only the oaks, as they can survive wildfires (your fun fact for the day!) 

In decades past, the people who lived here either had pigs or goats that kept the undergrowth at bay. Neighbors have told us they used to gallop their horses through our groves, they were literally that wide open. Now it has been so long since the previous owner had goats that we can hardly walk back into these groves. So we're going in there with a chain saw, a tractor and ultimately our own wild fire (Rory's burn piles) and taking back the Oak Savannah.

home education

Believe me, I know there are some mighty strong opinions out there on this topic. Rory and I are currently wading through the pros and cons of homeschooling and I know lots of people have lots of passionate ideas. Maybe I am so sensitive to it because my whole life I thought homeschooling was weird mostly because I loved my own public education experience so much.

But something has shifted in my thinking, and it's due largely to a lot of the home educated kids I now know in my own town, and their families. So Rory and I have been reading and listening and even attended a three day conference at the River Center for Christian Home Educators.

I have so much to share, but I want you to hear me on this point: whether we end up sending our kids to public school or decide to home educate, my role and responsibility is the same: to raise well adjusted kids who know what they believe and why they believe it. The whole time I was at this conference I thought it was a shame that it was only home educating parents in the workshops because these topics are so universally helpful.

For example, Rory and I attended a number of workshops: Staying connected as husband and wife while raising little kids, Successfully scheduling your day, The Preschool Years, What the Bible says about the role of the parent, Etiquette for boys, Etiquette for girls,  Learning Styles: Parents and Kids, The importance of Motherhood.

All of those are applicable to every parent under the sun. And we learned SO MUCH. The content was rich, the speakers were encouraging. We came home and radically changed how we structure our days and it has made a world of difference. Already, whether we go this route or not, we have gained and learned so, so much.

Here are my favorite take-aways:

Learning Styles:
We walked through a few different profiles, and then took a survey for each person in our family. In this inventory I came out quite Abstract Random and Ivar came out very Concrete Sequential. And as we sat there listening to the different traits I was able to recognize that every night when Ivar asks, "Mom, what's the plan tomorrow?" He not only wants to know, he needs to know. And first thing in the morning he asks for me to draw a schedule of our day. If I deviate, he struggles. I sat there and felt so convicted. I have no problem flying by the seat of my pants each day, but my son does. And I owe it to him to have a set routine that he can depend on. I definitely have to teach him flexibility within that routine, but I really felt the desire to offer consistency to his days. So we've started a schedule and in the two weeks we've used it, our days run more smoothly and much more happily. I'll write more about that another time.

The Preschool Years:
Rory and I went to this workshop and sat in the front row. The instructor has eight kids and basically gave practical tip after practical tip on how she runs her household. It was pure gold. But she told one story that stood out from the rest. She told of a day she brought six of her kids to Target and how it didn't go well at all. When her husband got home from work she explained the failed and embarrassing outing. After dinner the dad sat the whole family down and talked about what was expected while shopping in stores as a family. They had explicit do's and don'ts and after talking it through, they loaded the whole family back up and went back to Target simply to practice how to behave. Rory leaned over and said, "we are so reactionary." And it's true. We are in a season of saying no, no, no, to our kids all day long. And we realized how much we have failed in actually instructing our kids of our expectations before we have to react to the negative behavior. Oh this has changed everything in how I now view my role!

Etiquette for Girls:
I got so much out of this session. And most of it had to do with how we are groomed to be courteous and polite as girls, but that there are times when we can allow things to feel awkward by refusing a hug when we don't want to hug someone etc... To raise a girl to become a lady has a lot to do with teaching her what to expect out of a gentleman. And then how to not feel obligated to behave kindly if a man is not acting as a gentleman.

Etiquette for Boys:
This was a lot of practical door opening examples and how to raise a boy to have a servants heart. But so much of it had to do with when they are young and setting an example between brother and sister, husband and wife. The teacher was from Tennessee and told of how all of her boys, from a very young age, stood by their chairs until she had sat down at the dinner table. I giggled a bit at this since at this point we're trying to get our kids to stay in their chairs, so we'll work on that later. But I did love the basic respect and responsibility that is passed along when you purposefully teach your kids good manners. The instructors blog can be found here, and it is really fun to read.

Successful Scheduling:
This teacher spoke of the importance of having something to anticipate each day, as well as the importance of having enough heads up to know something unpleasant is coming up. She talked about how when we as adults know we have something coming up that we don't want to do, we really do psych ourselves up to get through it. Which means a kid has to have enough heads up to know to prepare themselves for the unpleasant thing. I thought of Ivar again and how he struggles with knowing how long an hour is. If I tell him we'll leave in ten minutes, it really doesn't mean much to him. So at the vendor fair I purchased a 60 minute timer that when you set it the whole clock turns red, and then as the minutes tick by, the red becomes smaller and smaller around the clock. It's portable and we use it mostly for clean up times, quiet play times, and "we need to leave in..." times. It's a concrete way he can feel a bit more in control of the clock. It also holds me accountable!

I guess I just wanted to pass all of this along because it was so, so helpful for me. I have more to report on practical ways we are changing the way we do things around here, but I'll save those for another (shorter) post. Until then, know that I am so inspired and encouraged in my role as the mama. It's the best feeling in the world.

baby bump

Well this is the week the rest of the world realized I was pregnant. My whole body shifted...enough so that when I walked into our Thursday night small group (a group of people I see weekly) everyone stopped and commented that my belly popped out. And then at church on Sunday lots of women came up and said they didn't know before, but they knew now. And, as a friend pointed out, I'm wearing maternity clothes now, which is also giving me away.

This week I popped. And lots has been shifting in my body to make way for the growing belly.  I have a hip that's chronically "asleep" and driving me bananas, enough that I've been to the chiro a few times and now have renewed my Y membership so I can join water aerobics. It's time to get my body ready for another 20 weeks of carrying this baby. (Better late than never!)

I'm feeling fine on the whole, energy is back up from first trimester, though I still have many moments when I tucker out quickly and have to stop to think where my stamina went. I was cleaning out the garage this weekend and realized that I just move slower to get the same amount of things done. One day while trying to prepare the area for our barn to be taken down I thought to myself, "who usually helps me with these sorts of projects?" And then I remembered...oh, the not-pregnant me.

It's fun to to be visible now, it's a miracle to feel kicks on the inside. It's a wonder that even at the times I have forgotten I am pregnant, there is still a little life growing stronger and stronger inside of me. Tomorrow marks 20 weeks, and I'm proud of that. Half-way there, and feeling grateful.

a one-daycation

At some point last week I saw a forecast that had Saturday's high hitting somewhere close to 80. Eighty. Summertime weather. So I dreamed up a plan to head to Lake City for the day with the family. I told Rory about my idea with plenty of heads up time.

Which is actually probably worth writing about. I have figured out one major difference between how Rory and I operate. I love spontaneity and surprises. But Rory's definition of spontaneity involves days of foreknowledge to get himself prepared for the spontaneous event. Now, this could totally bother me and I might see us as incompatible. But this trip to Lake City was such a huge victory for me because I worked within both of our personalities: I planned a lot further out for Rory's sake and he enthusiastically participated in a day trip that involved as much driving as actual time at the destination for my sake. And it was great. We brought good music, I packed an awesome picnic, we got to sit by a huge body of water that I adore and we ended the day with ice cream cones. We were home by two, in time for the whole family to take a nap before hitting the list of things Rory wanted to do with his Saturday: mowing, cleaning the garage, prepping another burn pile... 

It was an awesome day, and mostly because we were so aware of what the other needed and wanted and saw to it that it all happened. 

I love Lake Superior, but it is a haul up there from where we live. Lake City is my second favorite, because it's doable in a day. And with the water, the tourist feel, the antique shops and ice cream cones it somehow feels like a mini-vacation all wrapped up in half a day.

a hope note

On Wednesday Ivar woke up and told me that he was going to make a hope note for Vernon. I asked him what a hope note was and he told me, "it's a card with a picture that tells Vernon I hope he comes back." I loved the simplicity of this idea. I loved how sweet he was when he said it. I love that we hadn't talked about Vernon in weeks, but that he woke up thinking about our well-loved cat.

We got Vernon when he was just a kitten. You who have read here for a while know him well, as he's been well documented. He had the personality of a dog. Super faithful, always nearby. If we went anywhere on the farm, he followed. There were even a few times I'd drive to the end of our lane and notice a shadow moving on the top of our car, to realize Velma and Vernon were perched on top, ready to go to town with us. Our family photo session was photo bombed frequently by Vernon. I think in the end we actually had to lock him in the garage so we could get some pictures without the cat and super distracted kids.

Vernon has been missing for a few months now. I suppose that's the life of a farm cat, but it's also a surprise because we had him for two whole years, which is a long time in farm cat years. He has disappeared for weeks at a time before, but this is by far the longest stretch. And we miss him.

I suppose this is my own hope note, hoping he comes home.

elsie at 2 1/2

Elsie runs everywhere. Everywhere. She never walks, she jogs. Even if it's from her place at the kitchen table over to the silverware drawer to get a new spoon, she jogs. If we're outside and she suddenly wants to be somewhere else, she runs, pumping her arms, kicking her feet up to her bottom. It really is something to watch.

As a result, she is also the most likely to get hurt in a day. She takes some nasty spills. It's become so common that our responses are quite tempered. Last week she was on our tile taking off her winter coat and slipped on a table runner that had been used as a farm field earlier in the day. Her arms were caught in the coat and she fell forward onto her face, splitting her lip, hitting her front teeth (for the umpteenth time in her short life). We might have reacted in a more dramatic way if it wasn't so downright crazy that she fell on her face again.

Elsie wakes up in a splendid mood and is proving that she does not need nearly as much sleep as her brother. She has begun skipping her naps and instead plays quietly in her room during quiet playtime. In the mornings she will come jogging into our room sometime between 7:04 and 7:07 to tell me, "I went poopie and peepee in the potty, so now can I have a marshmallow? Mama, can I have a marshmallow? Can we go down and have a marshmallow? Mom, can you get up and get me a marshmallow? Can you sit up and come get me a marshmallow?"

It's funny because we hardly used the marshmallow at all during her actual potty training. But now she's figured out the connection and likes to play it up as much as possible.

She is quite the mess. We just started having her wear a bib again, which was a brilliant idea (that only took us a year and a half to figure out...) She is the first to find mud, dirt or food. Tonight she pulled Rory's tall glass of coca-cola off of the counter to see what was in it, right onto herself and the whole kitchen floor. We go through a disproportionate amount of hand towels and kitchen towels in this house for only having four members. But Elsie actually accounts for about seven of them a day.

She and Ivar are the best of friends. It's really a joy to watch. I heard them playing house out in the garage yesterday and they were playing so hard. At night I hear them singing songs back and forth to each other, babbling about the day, telling each other the plan for the next day. It'll melt a mom's heart.

She has started telling us about the baby in her belly. She'll let us know, "my baby loves chicken!"

She's got some strong opinions and she is happy to share them. She keeps us on our toes, trying to train her to be polite while maintaining her fun and wild spirit. I told Rory recently, "Elsie's hair matches her personality perfectly." And it's so true. Fired up and wild, we just love her and her crazy hair to pieces.

a barn razing

This weekend our little barn went down. This actually was a building next to the big barn that was burned before we moved here. I'm not sure what it housed back in the day, but we loved it for its character, its history and the charm it brought to the farm. Unfortunately, it just wasn't safe. We couldn't let kids go in there and we had no purposes of our own for storage or any other use. So after two and a half years of helping us make pretty pictures, it was time to go down.

On Saturday, Rory's dad came and they moved mountains. They spent the morning emptying out the pole barn (not pictured) as well as this barn, driving truck loads of things to a temporary spot on our farm or to the garage. The kids got to ride along in the cab of the truck, which as you can see below, is about the greatest thing on planet earth. Everyone was having a jolly time. And so much got done. In the afternoon they pulled off the leaning roof that was already partly off the building. I've been waiting for that to happen for a long time and it was fun to watch.

Sunday the weather warmed up and we got a new crew of helpers: my folks, our friend Derrick and his son and our pastor's son. Derrick and Rory took off as much barn wood as possible, and the boys pounded out the nails.

My dad was on the inside pounding boards from that angle. And my mom made brownies and kept everyone hydrated while watching my kids. I took pictures...and a nap. I've got some pregnancy stuff going on and was happy to watch the work being done.

We saved as much barn wood as possible. We have a couple of ideas for its use, and it will be fun to bring it back in new ways.

Once all of the barn wood was removed that we could safely remove, it was time to pull it down. The actual event was quite exciting...to watch a tractor pull down a building that size is pretty awesome. But the more I watch the video the more sad and sorry I am for the building. I am the queen of personification anyway, and when it falls, it just looks defeated. I understand it is just a building...but I'm good at adding in an extra dose of emotion where I feel it is needed. Especially when I'm pregnant.

In the end it did go down. As Rory said, "by the hands of two pastors, a computer programmer and two eleven-year-olds." At some point this week we will have quite the inferno on our hands. Derrick told me I should call that blog post, "barn a-blazing." I'll keep you posted.

the first watermelon of the season

I have blogged about this a few different years. It seems I think the first watermelon of the season is a very big deal. Because it really is. It marks the start of a whole six months of possibility, projects and good produce.

I should tell you though that this watermelon cost me ten dollars. For real. I had an appointment today with my midwives and they sent me to the Co-op to get magnesium and fish oil and right in the entry way they had samples of this organic-all-the-way-from-mexico watermelon. And it was amazing. Crisp and cold because they were in a bin outside, I grabbed a nice heavy one on my way in the door. I did the math in my head and knew this was going to cost me, but I had to have it.

Of course, Rory would never ever understand this. He would never support spending ten dollars ($9.73 to be exact) on a watermelon. Or any produce. Which is why I made two transactions. I paid for the vitamins with our joint account, and paid for the watermelon from my Fun Money debit card. You may already know that at the first of the month we each get Fun Money that is solely ours to spend. My clothes, shoes, haircuts, outings with girl friends, gifts and watermelons come out of this little account. It means I can spend money on nice shampoo and not have to explain it later to Rory. Anything that I think will come up later at a budget talk is purchased with my Fun Money card. It has saved us many a money argument throughout the course of our marriage.

That said, it seems I'm always out of my Fun Money while Rory saves his for months until he has enough to buy a surveillance camera to see what is roaming in our garden at night. But I tend to spend my Fun Money. Rapidly. At this moment I can't afford new shoes, but my belly is really happy that it is watermelon season. And thankfully this ten dollar watermelon did not disappoint.

bee friendly seeds: on sale now!

I'm just so excited about this and also really proud. Our bee-friendly seeds are now on sale over at The Grovestead. Rory has worked diligently researching the seeds we would sell and ordered from various vendors to ensure these seeds are not genetically modified. He figured out the packaging and design and last night put the final details on the payment page. As of this morning, the seeds are now on sale.

I was thinking about how excited I get when I'm driving on an interstate and see one of those blue signs with a little sign for a Jimmy Johns. That's my favorite place to eat on a road trip. And how basically each person who plants honey bee friendly flowers is setting up a little buffet for honey bees. Bees will fly for miles in a day looking for good pollen and nectar. I'm imagining them getting just as excited to find our little bee friendly gardens as I am when I find a Jimmy Johns.

Please bop on over to The Grovestead to check it out. He's got pictures and details of the flower seeds we are including, frequently asked questions and a brief back story. If this interests you at all, please join in and plant a bee friendly garden and help us spread the word. It's a bad feeling to feel helpless. It's an awesome feeling to feel like there are little things we can all do that might make a world of difference.

So now, go! Check it out!

tea time with toddlers

Today I got out my tea set from when I was a little girl. My mom had a special tea set growing up that she still cherishes to this day, housed in her china hutch. When I was still in elementary school I knew it was important to her that I have a set of my own. I remember purchasing this tea set so vividly. We were up at family bible camp and one afternoon we went into Alexandria with the intent of finding a tea set for me. We went into antique shops and gift shops and finally we found this set. I can't quite remember how old I was when we did this...maybe upper elementary?

This morning I got the set out with 2 two-year olds and 2 four-year-olds and gave them very detailed instructions on how I wanted them to treat these treasured dishes. They completely rose to the occasion. It was a very polite and calm tea party. We talked a lot about manners and polite ways to ask for more as well as grateful ways to say thank you. I brought out one treat at a time and they sat so nicely and were excited about every new item. Their favorite part seemed to be asking for "more tea, please!" which was just water poured from the tea pot into their tiny tea cups.

The tea set will now go up high in my hutch and only be brought out when I can fully supervise its use. And I'm already excited for the day when I can go shopping with Elsie to be sure she has a set of her very own.

celebrating a new baby

Oh man, this baby boy was so sweet. Rory's cousin Kerah just had her first baby fifteen days ago, and in the spirit of family, she ventured out to the country for a little lunch with a few Groves cousins. Her sister was visiting from California and it was awesome to be all together.

Over lunch, Kerah shared her birth story. And I'm not kidding, I think it might take the cake for the very longest, hardest labor and delivery story I have ever heard before. I was in awe of her endurance as she told the story, and because of her, in awe of woman-kind! I listened to her story and then remembered that sometime at the end of September, I'll have to birth a baby too.

Now I can't even explain it, but the more she shared her story the more excited I became to get to do it again. I felt the real privilege and the honor of getting to carry and then birth a baby. And maybe it was because I was holding her little boy in my arms as I stood and bounced him by the picnic table, but even as she told of the hours labor, my heart swelled when I realized I'd have one of these teeny-tiny babies again, of my very own.

Kerah was a rock star for coming out to the farm. Her big water bottle, the babies feeding schedule, her own need for rest and good food all brought back a flood of memories. And I'm so excited to do it again.

stair step forest

Last fall we discovered one of my new favorite places on planet earth. It's a little county park, just a mile from our house. We had driven by for years (literally) before we finally ventured down the steps. I wrote about how we were there for the first time at the very moment my friend Mama J took her last earthly breath. And then we visited again when the leaves were falling so quickly it was as if we were caught in Times Square on New Years Eve. The leaves were like confetti fall around us.

It was on that visit that I ran into a woman while walking back up the stairs and said to her, "this place is magical." And she asked if I had seen it in the springtime yet. She said that in the spring the floor of the forest is covered in white flowers so that it looks like snow. It doesn't last but a few days, so be sure not to miss it.

Well you can imagine my anticipation all winter long. I can't imagine they stay in bloom for very long and I don't want to miss it. I thought about leaving my number on the sign up front, begging for a phone call when the flowers were blooming, but then I realized I just need to do my own investigating. So on Saturday we went and found lots of green, and just a few blooms. Then tonight (writing this on Wednesday night) we went again and found many more blooms. But I have a feeling the real show will be this weekend. Maybe early next week. And I can't wait.

Until then, I have pulled out my wildflower guide and am now adding wild flowers into the mix of discovery along with song birds. I'm not sure what is happening, but this spring God has my full attention. I am hearing things like I just got new hearing aids. And I am seeing things like I just got my first pair of glasses. The world feels so alive to me, and I'm so grateful for these heightened senses.

Learning wildflower names always reminds me of the time my Grandpa Phil took my cousin Sarah and I out on a hike in the desert when we were in 7th grade. He pointed out every flower and told us each name. And then we came to a patch of white flowers and he looked and said, "I haven't see that one before. I don't know what it is." And Sarah and I looked at each other because we knew...it was someone's popcorn they had spilled. Oh we laughed later. And Grandpa had cataract surgery soon after.