april at the grovestead

+My wake up walks continue to be an awesome addition to my day. I love how instantly grateful these walks make me feel. Grateful for bird songs, grateful for the grass that is getting greener every day, grateful for lilac buds. I start my day filled to overflowing with gratitude and that's the best part of these walks.

 +Rory is back in his office. This makes for a very fun destination when we need to go find an adventure. Except for the time I sent both kids out there to say hello and he was on an important phone call.

 +The chicks are in the garage! There is no cover on their cage and thankfully all cats seem disinterested. But I am so grateful to have access to my downstairs bathroom again! The smell was keeping this pregnant woman from utilizing that bathroom which is tricky when this pregnant woman has a baby sitting on her bladder all day long.

 +This lovely weather has brought back lots of farm walks to check on everything. Our apple trees look great after a long winter. Unfortunately our second hive of honey bees did not survive the winter. Our bee keeping friend inspected the hive and was happy to report there was no foul brood or other signs of disease. It seems the queen didn't survive and without her, the hive would slowly die out. We will try again this year, eager to continue to grow our own bee-keeping knowledge.

 +Ivar got a new set of wheels! Auntie Lisa brought this bike over yesterday after she cleaned out her garage. The tread on those wheels were made for the country! Ivar can ride it on the gravel, on the grass and even in our field. He loves it so much.

 +It's time for this barn to come down. We're looking into all sorts of options for the barn wood, but I think we're all ready. It's pretty, it makes for charming pictures, but it's not super safe and it's just time.

+Rory is in full swing, dreaming up the plans for the summer ahead, sketching out the next projects, making many visits to Menards each week. At one point this winter he told me that he didn't think this spring and summer would be nearly as busy as the last few years, and that made me laugh a bit. So far, he is busier and has bigger plans than ever. It makes for a full and exciting life. :)

 +Our farm cats have been quite cooperative with our kids. I find it pretty remarkable. In this game, our kids kept stuffing Thomas the cat into the mobile chicken coop, closing the door and then opening it and watching him shoot out like a rocket. They laughed so hard every time he would shoot out of that little door. And the cat kept letting himself be caught. I would have felt badly for the cat, but he's a cat. He can run, climb trees, hiss, scratch and run away. And since he never did any of those things, the game continued.

kid quotes

There are some words I refuse to correct, because they are so cute to me.
These are Ivar's:

            -He calls the remote control a camote untroll

            -And a permanent marker is called a provident marker

            -When we drive by Buck Hill (a ski hill we drive by occasionally) he'll yell, "It's Ski Ball Mountain!"

            -Today he started calling our woods the Spooky Branches Forest

            -He'll yell, "It's the PBS man!" when the UPS guy drives up to our house

And these are Elsie's:
Big Softy = the big blue bathrobe Elsie sleeps with along with Pinky, her pink blanket

She'll ask, "Mommy, can you scramble this?" when she wants me to open up a plastic egg for her

When I put Elsie down for bed she says, "and now you go have a sucker with daddy?"

When Elsie doesn't want to do something or feels sad she tells us, "I'm feeling a little tender."

When Elsie knows she's in trouble with her dad she'll start crying, "Daddy! I am feeling a little worried!!"

the FUN to-do list

Friday night I was sitting on the couch thinking through my Saturday. I was supposed to go with my dad to a writing seminar, but we had gone on Friday which suddenly left my Saturday wide open. I started making a list: sort through kids clothes, tackle the laundry, hit the kitchen, put Easter decorations away.

I sat there a little longer and thought about how I wanted to try making pot stickers. So I wrote that down. And how I would love to spend time reading a book.

It was then that I started a brand new to-do list. I decided I would only write things that I actually wanted to do. Things that would feel restorative. So I wrote the list above and went to bed so excited for my Saturday. I got up and got ready to take my morning walk at Stair Step Forrest (our county park nearby that we adore) and by the time I got in the car the whole family wanted to come along. I got the stuff for pot stickers at Cub and began my quest for the perfect homemade pot sticker. When the kids went down for their naps I knew it was my time to take a blanket and pillow out in the yard to take my own nap. I skimmed through a poorly written book and started a new book. And I ordered the bird guide my cousin recommended to me.

Interestingly, after dinner, I got a second wind and cleaned the kitchen, started some laundry and gathered up the Easter decorations. And I was happy to do these things, mostly because I had done other awesome things all day long.

This Fun To-Do List felt indulgent. It felt caring. It felt fun. And I can't wait to write another one for another weekend day. I'd probably add a hot bath and baking cookies the next time around.

bird songs

Four mornings in a row I have gotten up and very first thing, taken a walk outside. One morning I was struggling to get myself out of bed, but I could hear a bird in our oak tree. And I knew there were all sorts of surprises for me, if I could just get myself out there.

That morning I saw that our tulips are all nearly four inches tall. And I heard so many different birds. One in particular, the one I had heard while still inside, was still calling but I could not find it in a tree for the life of me. I heard it, but could not spot it.

So I came in the house and googled minnesota bird sounds and that is when I found this incredible interactive page with minnesota birds and their bird songs.

Friends, I believe this puts me in a category of bird watchers, bird enthusiasts and general dorks. But let me be the first to say, I have found that usually the dorkier the activity the more life-giving, awesome and rewarding it is. (I would name examples here, but I don't want to offend more people groups than necessary...)

Anyway. I'm officially a bird watcher. In high school I had to take a test on bird calls, and now I wish I had paid more attention. But I did remember having to purchase a bunch of field guides for that class, so I came in looking for my Peterson's Field Guide and was so sad when I could only find my trees and wildflowers field guides. I'll have to purchase the Bird Guide next.

Promise me you will visit this site (and download flash if you don't have it...I had to). When you click on a bird, it plays its song. So prepare to spend a lot of time clicking on all of the birds. Today Ivar came in and was so excited that he had heard a bird singing. He tried to mimic it for me and we figured out that it was a red cardinal. And the happy bird that calls me outside each morning is a black-capped chickadee singing it's two tone whistle. I'm a total dork, I know. But come on! God has all of this music playing for us, if we'd only have ears to hear!

wake-up walks

Sunday morning Rory and I woke up early to a neighbor dog barking and then he remembered, "there's a blood moon! let's go out and see it. I'll make coffee." So at 6:20 I got out of bed and we stood in the kitchen waiting for the coffee. It was then, while reading more about the blood moon on my phone that I pieced it together. The blood moon would peak at 6:43 on April 4th. But was April 5th.

So there we were, bundled and ready for a morning walk. We still went out and enjoyed a full white moon on a very crisp Easter morning.

It turned out to be the best way ever to start a day.

I had recently read of a movement starting called the 100 day project where lots of people online are committing to doing something for 100 days. I like these sort of efforts but hadn't landed on what I might do until we were out looking for a blood moon on easter morning. We didn't find a red moon, but I did find a glorious day waiting for me to enjoy. The birds were singing, the trees were still and there was fog on the horizon. It was stunning.

So I made a goal: I want to get up before my kids and take a walk. Just to get outside and have some personal time before my day begins. There isn't a distance or exact time of the morning I'm aiming for. The goal is to get outside and go for a walk.

Rory is nervous about the 100 days part, but that's also not the goal. I'm not going to be legalistic or defeated if I miss a day. And I'm not actually participating officially with the online movement. But I do want to feel accountable to something so I decided to track this on my instagram account. If you want to follow along with my daily #wakeupwalk (or even join in!) be sure to swing by my instagram page.

oma zina

Zina is my sister-in-law Lisa's, mom. She moved to Minnesota a few years ago and we are so lucky she did. You might remember Zina from other posts, like when she fried up our pumpkin flowers (I still think about them and can't wait for pumpkin flower season to come!) or when she brought all of her bee keeping equipment that her husband used decades ago. Every time she comes she brings bread for the chickens...loaves and loaves that have been delivered to her apartment from a bakery that doesn't sell day old bread. My chickens love her.

When Zina comes to my house, stuff gets done. She helps in the garden, she folds all of my laundry, she washes all of my Easter dishes. I can't even explain how magical it all feels. Lisa is the same way. They came on Saturday to drop off the ham and then stayed to fold four loads of laundry, run three loads of laundry and help set the Easter table.

And definitely the most meaningful, she prays for my kids every single day. She's such a gift to us.

Happy Easter!

Every Easter Sunday growing up we would say a responsive reading at our church that my dad wrote. And every Easter Sunday since I wake up with these words in my head:

He is Risen!
He is Risen Indeed!
He is Risen!
He is Risen Indeed!
People of God, whom do you seek?
Jesus of Nazareth, the crucified one.
(then there's a whole middle part that I seem to have not memorized...)
The grave could not hold him.
The cross could not contain him.
And nothing will ever be the same!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Today I actually got my hymnal out to look up my favorite Easter hymns. Made me think I should make a set of hymn cards for Easter. I've always meant to make a set for Christmas...

This was my third year hosting Easter and I think I'm getting the hang of it! It helps greatly that I have a family that brings almost all of the food. What a dream. This year I decided to throw some brunch items into the menu, but it ended up being a crazy amount of food. We could have had twenty more people here and I think everyone still would have been fed and full. I'll adjust for next year. Oh but I love hosting for this day. And I love decorating for Easter. Everything becomes so colorful and cheerful. I got three bundles of tulips at the grocery store and and used peeps again for the place cards. Some peeps were partially eaten by the time the guests arrived, thanks to my sneaky children, but I still like using them. And this year we made an Easter Egg tree. My mom always cut a lilac branch the week of Easter, put it in a coffee can filled with rocks and water and by Easter it would have green leaves. Ivar and Elsie loved having an Easter tree and even put the eggs on themselves (I later spread them out onto more than one branch).

Elsie told me she wanted to be "a pretty pink princess" for Easter, so I splurged and got her a new dress at Target. She wore it proudly all day long, part of the time with her winter coat on while in the house... The kids loved hunting for their Easter baskets (hidden in the same places as last year) and really loved the outdoor egg hunt with all the cousins. Auntie Lisa led the pack outside and later we had everyone taking a turn at chopping wood with the ax and walking across a slack line tied between to trees.

Most people got in a nap at some point in the afternoon as the rest of us sat and talked and ate our way through the nine desserts to choose from. It was a really nice day and made for a lovely easter.

I'll end with my favorite moment...finding five family members talking theology in my downstairs bathroom while visiting the awkward adolescent chickens. Of all the rooms in my home, who knew the downstairs bathroom would be the hub of conversation and togetherness!

hey, we're fun!

While in Mesa we left our kids with my folks and took their car on a day long date (thanks for the kid-care and the car, mom and dad!) We started by getting sausage egg mcmuffins, something that delighted us both because we never seem to get to eat off the breakfast menu. Then we went for a hike.

I was very explicit in my expectations from the start. I wanted a short hike, not strenuous in the least. But at a certain fork in the trail, one of us said we should go left and the other of us said she didn't think so. But we went left and the trail began to gain in elevation. It hit 93 that day and it was about 10 in the morning as we hiked, so it was also on the warmer side. One of us started to feel awfully sorry for herself, pregnant, hiking on slippery rock, in the desert, on a trail she did not pick.

The other of us kept checking in with the pouting one, but she was pretty silent and crabby. Crabby enough to be analyzing her crabby attitude while living the crabby moment. She thought about how if she were with anyone else on the planet she wouldn't be this toddler-like. But somehow with the person she loved the most, she was throwing a downright silent fit. She was huffing and puffing, making absolute conclusions in her head like, "I will never hike in the desert again. It's just not my thing." But of course stopping long enough for the kind couple they met to take the happy picture above.

Eventually the trail began to go back down the little mountain and she started speaking to her husband again and by the end of the hike they even kissed and made up. And then they talked about how much better they are at quick fights, getting over it, moving on. And that's a step in the right direction. It was all very gracious of her husband, who probably had also concluded never to hike with her again in the desert.

But as it turns out, the rest of the day was nearly perfect. We had a picnic at Canyon Lake. I have said it before and I will say it again, there is no meal I love more than a picnic outdoors. Ham sandwiches and string cheese become my favorite foods in the world if eaten outside. I am a very happy girl if I am dining outside.

Then we drove to Tortilla Flats for ice cream cones and a few gift shops, and then down a very steep and narrow and curvy gravel road to Apache Lake. We were listening to my dad's John William's Greatest Hits CD and listening to Jaws while eeking around trucks coming up the hill made the adventure just that much more exciting.

The views were amazing and we ended the day eating steak and french fries in a little ghost town. It was an awesome day. I do wish I could have pulled it together for the hour of our hike that was uphill, but we'll blame it on the hormones. And that I'm human. But the day was a blast. A good 14 hour date. On the drive back I told Rory, "hey, we're fun." For four years I have already lamented my kids moving out of the house (you know, when that happens in twenty years...) But on this little adventure I realized that's going to be a fun season too. Rory and I know how to laugh and tell stories and save each other from moodiness. Twenty years from now is going to be a fun season too. 

We ended the day by going to see Cinderella. I had already seen it once, but wanted him to see it too and he was game. I love that movie so much. And Rory said he smiled through the whole thing. It's so good. I liked it as much the second time as I did the first. Oh, and I had gummy peaches, a personal favorite candy. Definitely an awesome ending to an awesome day-long date.

a personal revival

I was with a group of friends on Friday night and was telling about the prayer counseling I did this past summer. I heard about this program offered at our former church, Cedar Valley and the way this friend talked about it left me slack jawed and wanting what she had. She was free, fully herself and confident in her identity in Christ. I filled out the online form from their website and then had a consultation with the woman who runs the program. What she said at that first meeting was so new to me.

She said, "I'm going to schedule you for four sessions. Maybe five. But no more. Because all of the topics you have brought up will have one root. We don't know what that is yet, but God does, and he wants it removed so that he can fill that space. It doesn't take long for God to show how all of our troubles come from the same cause. And if we are willing and able, he is swift to pull it up and fill that space with his presence."

So I went for four sessions. And they were good and I was grateful and some big stuff was dealt with. Sessions were just an hour and easily half the time was spent in prayer. It was remarkable.

Then in the fall, Rory and I started our marriage counseling at our own church and something came up that the counselors wanted to deal with directly, just with me. I was hesitant at first, but ended up going and meeting with two women at my church for a three hour session of prayer.

And we found the root.

They had me tell my whole story, whatever parts I wanted to share, parts I thought were of importance. Unto itself, the gift of listening ears, eager to hear my story told fully was quite amazing. But even more amazing were the parts I chose to share. Things I hadn't thought about in a long, long time. The things the Holy Spirit was bringing to the surface.

They listened and we prayed and then they began to explain soul ties. That through relationship and connection, we give parts of our selves to others all throughout our lives. But this isn't actually healthy, allowing others to judge and critique us. Christ Jesus is the only one who our soul should be tied to.

My root was my need for approval and affirmation from others. I was raised in an awesome church where I was beloved by the congregation. I got strokes and affirmation constantly. And so as I moved on in life, I was still looking for those hits of approval and recognition.

Suddenly every part of the life story I had just told started to share the same theme. The professor at the seminary who wrote the hurtful words on my paper, the professor in college who used my final project as the pawn for her own inner-colleague battle. Stories of betrayal and heartache and still feeling misunderstood. All of the stories shared the same theme: I was still wanting resolution and approval from all of these people.

So slowly we began to pray, one person at a time. They helped me get started and then I used the words. We prayed first for my biggest soul tie, that in the name of Jesus we were cutting this tie. That anything this person still needed from me would be forgiven, and that the parts I had given them (ability to judge me) would be taken back and plugged back into Jesus alone.

We prayed like this for hours. I cried. I felt relief. And freedom. And peace. I had so many soul ties out there! At one point I saw myself wearing a hula skirt, all of these soul ties, dangling around my waist. And as I prayed each one tied back into Christ Jesus, my actual source for approval and affirmation. He calls me his child, he loves me without condition, he knows my sin more fully than I do, and yet he loves me with a love I can hardly fathom.

And oh, I slept like a baby that night. As Elsie would say, I slept like "a baby sister daughter." Because that's what I am in the eyes of my God.

I was thinking about all of this transformation that happened in my 33rd year. And as I drove home this past Friday night, after sharing a bit of this story with these girl friends, I realized how much God has done in my heart in one years time. I was so taken aback by all of the ground I have gained this year, while not really recognizing it at the time. And then I remembered that it was almost a year ago that I spoke at women's Bible study about praying for a personal revival. I hadn't been feeling much connection in my own faith life for a while and spoke candidly about this and that I knew the answer was to ask. To seek. To knock. To pray for a revival in my own heart.

And now, a year later, my eyes are wide open in awe and wonder. So grateful for all I have seen and learned. I have absolutely experienced a personal revival. Because this year I also have been reading through The Story with my church and discussing each chapter with our weekly small group. And the revelation and renewed belief I have gained through this time of exegetical study has been nothing short of a wonder. I am seeing the new testament come to life through the lens of the old testament and each week I am left more and more amazed at the story we are all still a part of.

I sat down to write this all tonight because earlier this evening I went to a Seder Meal at my church. For two-and-a-half hours we walked through the entire feast as a Jewish family would celebrate it. And for each prayer or practice our pastor showed in scripture how Christ has come as our true Passover lamb. The meal was holy for me, a feast of food but I also had a heart of gratitude for all the ways I have seen Christ come alive for me. The meal was a celebration of remembering my own exodus from the bondage of seeking the approval of others. To God be the Glory.

A life of faith is an interesting road. I do my part: I pray, and I can wait, and I can seek. But there is so much that happens that is without my doing a thing. It's sort of like this baby I'm carrying right now. I'm eating and sleeping, but other than that, miraculous things are happening every day in my womb and I can take no credit. A life of faith in Jesus Christ feels like that for me. I open my Bible and read God's Words, I go to church and pray for a personal revival. But it is not I who controls what He has next to teach me... or show me... or to grow in me.

I'm just now looking back on the road I have been on over the last year and I am grateful. And will be on my knees praying for another year of gentle teaching.

late night check in

+Well, if you checked my cupboards right now you'd say, "looks pretty tidy." But if you looked at my counter tops, floors and general upkeep of my house you might be skeptical that any cleaning is actually being done in this house. As my mom always said growing up, "a room always gets messier before it gets clean." And it's true. Even with three carloads of donations to goodwill I still have a lot of stuff and it tends to be all over my house at the moment. Baby steps.

+Our house has the sweet aroma of maple syrup this week. I'm becoming quite fond of this time of year for the smells. The evaporator fills our whole farm with the smell of bonfire, and the final syrup, brought inside to reduce, is awesome aromatherapy. Sap season is officially done. We collected a haul during the last snowfall and the next day Rory came in and said, "Sap is buddy. That's a wrap." It's pretty marvelous. When the tree needs the sap for it own leaves and development, the sap turns bitter and is no longer tasty. I love God's created order. There is a time we get to benefit from the sap flow, and then that time ends and the sap is just for the tree.

+I ordered my first Stitch Fix. It came and I liked everything in my box. They now do maternity fixes and after a frustrating shopping trip with Rory looking for maternity clothes, and decided to give it a shot. I am keeping two items and returning three mostly because they just didn't fit right. I have this ever growing body, and clothes are just awkward right now. But I'm going to continue with this shopping service. The online style assessment was intensive and if you don't like anything, you ship it all back (within THREE days! Annika caught this for me, after SEVEN days...but I think I'm in the clear) and they just charge the $22 styling fee. You pick the price ranges, you pick your style, they pick your clothes, you pick the ones you keep. I love it. And if you give it a try, use my referral code and I'll get $25 towards my next fix and then I'll blow you kisses through my computer. Referral code: 4879592

+I had a whole post ready to go up on potty training, but at the last minute decided not to post it for a few reasons. First, every kid is different and I know a lot of parents who are working hard and gaining little ground in this area. It's discouraging and I didn't know if a post of a success story would actually be that encouraging. Second, I have a friend who said her first two trained with no problem and then her third came and gave her a run for her money. I'm sort of waiting for that to happen. Third, the 3-day-method is out there and easy to find information on. We went cold turkey...no overnight diapers or training diapers. And it took just a week to figure that out. We are grateful. And finally, this was one of the first times when I thought, "I bet this personal story of my daughter doesn't need to be on the internet." I usually insert myself into the stories I tell...and when I did this I thought, "thank God my potty training struggles and triumphs isn't searchable!" Ha! What a hilarious and terrible thought! (Even if it was successful...I don't even know. I've never asked about my own training...) So that's my two cents. I'm happy to share tips and tricks (I have a few) through email or one-on-one.

+The chicks that we hatched from eggs are no longer chicks. They are chickens. But they are still living in our downstairs bathroom because it is too cold to put them outside and it is too early to introduce them to the bigger chickens. When Rory started incubating those eggs he reassured me, "Oh, this is just a trial run. I don't think I'll be successful until I have a bit more trial and error." But he was successful and now we have two large birds in our bathroom to keep guests company while they use our facilities.

+Rory taught a class on Saturday morning on "How to start your own business." I am a part of an online forum for area home school parents. We haven't fully decided if we are going to go this route, so I've been attending their meetings and keeping tabs on their forum and learning so much along the way. Anyway, in this forum (a few months ago) a mom said her 14-year-old son was antsy and looking for something to do during these long winter days. I read her post to Rory and he said, "he needs to start a business." Rory is so matter-of-fact like that. So I told him he should offer a workshop to this group and the response was awesome. He had all ages show up and did a really nice job explaining all the types of businesses and how to think through its viability and the bones of writing out a business plan.

+I sold a lot of stuff this week on our local facebook online garage sale. It meant I was logged into facebook all week long (usually I just pick one night a weekend to log in) and man, I cannot believe how much of my life is sucked away by that site. I just can't be on it indefinitely because it is such a distraction for me! The once a week, just one night thing is the best solution for me. Rory still has my password...I can't log in myself. And after a full week back on, I was happy to log out tonight.

+Along those lines. I sold a kitchen chopper for $15 and told the woman who purchased it that I would meet her at the cupcake shop in town to make the swap. So I brought the kids, swapped the chopper for cash and proceeded to use five of those dollars to buy two cupcakes for the kids. Then we walked down to the bagel shop and I got a bagel with cream cheese for three dollars. And there was something so educational about trading a tangible item for cash and then trading that cash for food that will exit our systems in the next day. Felt very wasteful. Rory was glad I learned this lesson, but then I had to defend myself that I also was supporting two businesses that I adore on our main street and I would be very sad if our cupcake shop every closed!

+I need Lent. I love Lent. I love the somber, holy feeling of these forty days, going to services on Wednesday nights and feeling fully prepared mentally for holy week and finally the overwhelming gift that is Resurrection Sunday. Our church has an Ash Wednesday service, but for this season, I need to find a church that has Wednesday night Lenten services too. It's funny, because I remember in my childhood thinking those services were kind of slow and quiet and sleepy. The music was somber and the sermons deeply reflective of why Jesus came in the first place and why he had to die. Now I crave those sleepy services. They were dark, cozy, quiet and candle lit. Anyway, I'm writing this mostly as a reminder to myself to find a traditional Lutheran church next Lent and then go. The fact that tomorrow is Palm Sunday is crazy to me. I don't feel like I've properly prepared my heart for the start of holy week.

+It's 11:43 on Saturday night and I just felt like writing. If you're still reading, you are very kind. It seems I had much on my mind tonight. Fun to have a space for a brain dump.

Joyfully,
Becca

tidying up

I just hit second trimester, the weather turned to springtime for a few weeks, and while in Mesa I read the book: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I don't know it you could make a more complete trifecta to get a girl to deep clean her house. I'm nesting, it's springtime and this book was awesome motivation.

I have always loved home organization. When we were first married I had my awesome mother-in-law Marlene tape the shows Clean Sweep and later Clean House on VHS tapes for me to watch at our house since she had cable. I love the before and afters of a nicely cleaned and kept house. For a while Rory would ask me kindly, "tonight, when we sit on the couch, will you just sit by me and watch the show and not sort the junk drawer?"

We moved houses when Elsie was 6 days old, and a lot of our house was moved in and has functioned for two years but after reading this book I knew there were some things I could do to make our house more tidy. We have lots of things that don't have a permanent home, one closet upstairs that all four of us share and no actual toy storage.

The author is a home organization guru from Japan. Her book is a quick read, but offers a lot of new ideas for keeping a tidy home, a few that were pretty new to me. She has an order in which you are supposed to tackle your home, so as not to lose motivation. Clothes, books, kitchen and bathroom, papers and finally pictures. She also doesn't believe in spending months purging your home. It should be done quickly.

We flew in late on Friday night and Saturday morning I hit my house. I didn't even unpack my suitcases. I just started sorting my sock drawer. And by lunchtime I had three huge trash bags filled with clothes to give away. Because getting rid of stuff gives me some sort of contagious high. Once I start, I want to keep at it.

Her main technique is that you pick up every item individually and ask yourself, "does this item spark joy for me?"

The book is enjoyable because it's a little bit hilarious. Marie is really into the personification of objects and owning the feelings associated with getting rid of things. So she'll says when you find a shirt that still has tags on it you should say to it, "thank you for the joy you brought me that day in the dressing room." and then put it in the giveaway bag. She's really into talking to your stuff. "Thank you hand bag for carrying so many of my important treasures around all day. I am grateful for your help." I giggled a lot while reading it. And yet, she is hitting on something that really was helpful when I came across an item that I felt obligated to keep. Whether it was a gift, or something with a teeny bit of sentimental value, I could detach a bit and put it in the giveaway bag with no real unease.

In the days since Saturday I have removed every item from every cupboard in my kitchen and bathroom. I have hauled so much to our local clothes closet. I brought an entire huge rubbermaid full of kids books. We have a library in this house already and I feel awesome passing them along.

Incidentally, when I dropped them off I also donated the rubbermaid. Because this woman believes that, "organization containers are for systematized hoarders." Oh I laughed when I read that. Because I LOVE containers of every size and shape. But when I read that chapter I realized she is spot on. I am just moving stuff around, even if it is well organized. In the end, she says, get rid of it all. The stuff inside, the containers, less is more. So I've even been donating baskets, tubs and bins.

I have a pile to sell on an online garage sale with hopes that I'll get a bit of money from my cake platter, bundt pan, fondue sets, mini-crockpot and cappuccino machine that have all rarely been used. I love having them out of my cupboards and I LOVE the way things are set up in my kitchen now. I've adjusted shelves to fit specific items and next is going through my pantry and donating random foods to the food shelf that we haven't used since they were purchased.

I'm excited about this deep clean. The book is worth a read, and believe me, you will giggle too. But I think you'll also find yourself crazy inspired. I've been going strong for four days now, and hopeful to have the entire house purged fairly quickly. I did sort the kids toys, but of course they found the bin that was for giveaway and suddenly those are their favorite toys again. So we'll ride out this wave and then I'll sort them out again.

adult birthdays

I wrote this blog post almost a year ago and I never posted it. But I recently read it again and it made me laugh a bit and I still think it's true. So today I'll throw it out there...

I have something to write about, and it's not very flattering: I'm having a hard time making the transition to adult birthdays.

The birthdays of my childhood are all pretty epic. The days were celebrated from sun up to sun down and I felt special all day long. But adult birthdays sort of come and go. There is no mom letting everyone know it is your birthday. There is no teacher waiting for you to bring in Tootsie Pops for all of your classmates (always Tootsie Pops, for me). This year I realized I had my facebook birthday still set to January 1st. I could have gone in and changed it mid-day, but I didn't want to come across as too, you know, needy.

But the truth is I have needs unending on my birthday. Many I don't even know about until they go unmet. Mostly a need to feel special, a need to have a day different from all other days. And somehow adult birthdays don't really allow for this. There are still diapers to change and kids to wrangle into car seats.

This might be some sort of passive-aggressive post towards my husband. Except that he did pretty well on my birthday this year. He planted me my very own bulb garden for my gift. Thoughtful in every way. And he had the kids make me cards. And we celebrated a bit at night.

The truth is, after ten years of birthdays with him, I think I'm finally letting him off the hook. Our very, very first fight in our history of togetherness was on my birthday. And it was over the lack of fanfare for my birthday. Not a pretty story, but a true one. He had big plans for me for the weekend after my birthday. And he learned a very important lesson that birthday about the need to celebrate on the very day. Never, ever, ever, ever after.

I get that none of this is very flattering of me. Many of you reading may even be thinking, "I'm glad I'm not married to her." But I have a feeling you are married to her. I brought this whole adult birthday problem up with my friends at ecfe and it was pretty much a resounding amen around the table.

Hence my openness in this blog post.

The trouble with my expectation for my birthday is a tricky one: I expect to be surprised. Not with a big party (in fact, I'd rather skip the big party.) I'd like little surprises. Like coffee in bed. Little surprise notes. Little surprise gifts. Little surprise outings. Or a surprise babysitter. I want to feel special all day long. I want to feel remembered and appreciated from sun up to sun down. And I don't want to have to be the one to plan it.

Can you see the problem? That last little expectation is a huge one: I want a day full of surprises and I don't want to plan it. I just want it to happen. But I have expectations, so when I'm up with my kids at 7:30, I'm already disappointed. Because I wanted coffee in bed.

So do I spell it out? Because then the day isn't full of surprises. Then the coffee in bed is obligatory.

My friends, I do not have the answer on this one. I do know that winter weather has thwarted my initial birthday plans two years in a row now and I'm beginning to believe the answer might just be to get out of dodge. To not be in Minnesota and instead have an annual warmer weather get away. I also have a friend who has a group of four friends who go out for lunch and each get a massage on each other's birthdays. They have taken birthdays into their own hands. I find that birthday plan pretty brilliant.

I don't write all of this to gain pity.  But rather just to say it. Adult birthdays are hard. They're a bit doomed from the start, in my opinion.

That was the end of my sorry post from last year. I read it before my birthday this year and knew I had to become the adult that I am, and ensure my own birthday was lovely. There were lots of ways I could have done this, but I chose Mesa, Arizona. We chose to go that week because I couldn't risk another snowy birthday with roads that would wreck my Minnesota plans. And my birthday was lovely. It was a beautiful day in Arizona, the plan from the start. And then my mom hosted a lovely party with family friends and aunts and uncles complete with my traditional bunny birthday cake. It was a fun party with lots of my favorite picnic foods, doubly awesome because we were in Mesa. 

So the lesson I learned during this 34th year is: Your adult birthdays are in your hands. Because you are an adult. So plan accordingly. :)

mesa, arizona

In anticipation for this trip we played many make-believes where Ivar would say to Elsie, "get on the couch! This plane is going to Arizona!" And Elsie would shake her head, "No! I'm going to Mesa!"

Lucky for us, they're in the same place and our actual plane knew where to land. We spent five nights with my folks in our own little house and had an incredible time. The weather was fantastic, the pool a definite highlight and all breakfasts were blissfully eaten outside on our little patio. We drove a golf cart around between my parents place and ours and got to spend time with my aunt and uncle from Alaska and my Uncle Don. 

The trip was planned by yours truly, to fall right over my birthday. This was my attempt to take my birthday into my own hands...something I think you have to do when you are an adult. (I have a post on adult birthdays written from a year ago that I never posted...I'll put that up tomorrow.) Rory and I even got away for a full day, also deserving a post of its own.

It was so good to be together. When we got off of the plane (midnight our time!) Elsie was sound asleep. I carried her down to arrivals and then I spotted my mom. I said quietly, "there's Grandma Margaret!" And she lifted her groggy head and scanned the horizon looking for her grandma. When she saw her my little sleepy head started laughing and smiling so big and lunged from my arms. It was a sweet, sweet moment I hadn't anticipated. My kids were as excited to see their grandma and grandpa as I was excited to see my mom and dad. 

juice

The very best thing I have ever eaten in the whole wide world was Watermelon Juice. It was while studying in India, on a hot and dusty day when I found myself in a bigger city zooming around on the back of my host-mother's moped. She was taking me shopping for a Sari and between visits to different shops, we stopped in a little shack of a storefront where a man took a watermelon out of a fridge, hacked it into pieces and placed it in a blender. He strained it a bit and handed it over the counter and I swear it was the greatest moment of food consumption of my life. It was perfection.

Interestingly, I have tried making Watermelon Juice since I returned from India many times, with no great results. It's good, but not as good as it was the hot and dry and hungry day in India. I am realizing it's probably due to the Au Gratin Effect, and effect I learned while camping with my girl scout troop on a freezing spring weekend. We made Potatoes Au Gratin over the fire and they blew my mind. When we got home I made my mom buy a box, just like the ones we had at camp. And one night, plated with ham and corn I at those potatoes in the comfort and warmth of my own kitchen and strangely they did not taste nearly as good. Hence the Au Gratin Effect: the right food at the perfect time under the most appreciative of conditions.

All of that is a tangent. I actually came on here to write a post about Rory's latest hobby: juicing.

We recently got rid of all of our television channels and now only have Netflix. It was time to be done with tv, and not having tv has greatly cut down on my own viewing time. But since then, Rory and I have really gotten into the documentaries section on Netflix. We watched one on Tiny Houses, another on    and then we watched Sick, Fat and Nearly Dead.

It started slow, but it picked up and was so compelling. We were totally sold. In the documentary, you watch two men go on a juice cleanse for 60 days. It's radical, and both of them were in a place where they had to do something radical to stay alive. But the transformations are so compelling and the guys themselves are endearing and basically, we fell for it, hook, line and juicer. 

Rory came home the next morning with a brand new juicer, organic kale, fresh ginger, lemons, green apples and celery. And he's been faithfully juicing his breakfast ever since. 

Strangely, the smell of kale and celery juice first thing in the morning is terribly unappetizing for this first trimester pregnant wife of his. Also offensive is his tomato, cilantro, carrot juice. 

But I've made a yummy orange and pineapple juice that was delicious. And I'd like to think that one day, on a settled stomach, I might be able to enjoy the Green Juice Rory is so faithful to make each day. Until then I'll keep dreaming of ripe watermelons and giving it another go, when they're back in season.

For now, check out the documentary. It's entertaining and worth a watch. 

Bee Friendly Seeds

Thank you for all your love and enthusiasm for baby #3! I feel overwhelmed and grateful for the joy and anticipation this baby is surrounded by already. I've been feeling okay, on the whole. But come dinner time, I'm sort of done with the whole day. Lately my hobbies have included a lot of television viewing while laying still on my side. And it is from this sideways look at the world that I have seen my husband run circles around me, back and forth from his computer to his files to the yellow chair and back to his computer.

He's got a new venture up his sleeve, and I think the fact that I have been so very unproductive has made his incredible productivity somewhat of a marvel to me. I've heard him on the phone with seed suppliers. I've watched him open packages with all sorts of envelop sizes and samples. I've seen his spread sheets for pricing out postage. I've helped him with the art and design mock ups for his packaging before he hands it all off to an awesome artist next week. I have heard him on the phone sorting through permits and licenses. And I've seen his plans for packaging and branding. He's on the phone with vendors asking if the seeds are organic.

And in the meantime, I have watched a whole lot of Downton Abbey.

Rory is working really hard on a line of Bee Friendly Seeds. He's packaging eight different seeds that are all beneficial for honeybees, as well as other pollinators.

A few weeks ago when I had the flu, I was watching youtube videos of Wendell Berry, our favorite farmer-author. He was being interviewed for a morning show and was telling of his environmental work in Kentucky where he lives. The guy interviewing him said, "what is the solution to the water quality in the Kentucky river? Do we need more regulations on mining?" And Wendell slowed way down and shook his head. And he talked about how big problems can never be solved with big solutions. It's what got us into big trouble in the first place. But the only solution for big problems are small solutions.

It's pretty well known by now that we have a big problem with honey bees and other pollinators that we are greatly dependent on. One of the factors is the loss of wild food sources from mono-crop farming. The bees are looking for food, and it is hard to find. Our small solution is to get more people planting the right flowers to help the honey bee.

Bee Friendly Seeds is our small contribution to a much bigger problem. Last year Rory was looking for a few of these kinds of seeds but some are obscure and they were hard to locate. He went to different nurseries and looked online. After a lot of effort, he was able to track some of the seeds down. Our hope with these seed packs is that they will all be in one spot, easy to locate, easy to access and then easy for everyone to plant their own bee friendly flower garden.

We're really excited about these seeds. Honeybees have become a big deal for us. And we're so thrilled to get to do our small part.

our growing family

babytres from Becca Groves on Vimeo.

We are overjoyed with this news. We are twelve weeks along as of today and due at the end of September. A few have asked if we were trying and yes, we were trying. :) When the baby comes Elsie with be 3 and Ivar will be almost 5.

About a year ago we were watching America's Funniest Home Videos (all four of us get a kick out of this show) and there was a clip of a daughter announcing her pregnancy this way to her parents, faking the picture and actually taking video. I filed it away for when the time came and I'm so glad I captured these reactions. Hilarious.

Another favorite moment was after I called to tell my brother and his family, I received an email from my nephew, Simon. He wrote, "Hi!!! Currently, I am very excited about the new baby." That's been my favorite line for weeks now. Currently, I am very excited, too.

We wanted to tell the Groves cousins when we were all together so that Ivar could share the news. The adults all knew but he was so excited to share. We hadn't prepped him at all on how to say it, he just stood up and told the room:

after the combines from Becca Groves on Vimeo.

Oh I laughed so hard. At some point I had given him the timeline that first the snow would melt, then the farmers would plant the corn and then the corn would grow over the summer and then the corn would turn yellow. And about the time the combines would come to harvest the corn the baby would come. But that was weeks earlier. And here, he had pieced it all together and made such a sweet and special announcement, "After the combines come out, we are going to have a new brother or sister baby." Hooray!

food update

I haven't been talking much about my Pretty Much Paleo eating plan partly because writing about food is a little weird, and partly because I discovered Carbone's deep dish cheeseburger pizza and the discovery caused a full on Paleo rebellion. 

But as I stated when I first wrote about he eating plan, the sincere ultimate goal with this eating is to: get back on the wagon. And I have been doing that this week. It's not perfect. But I'm finding little "cheat foods" that feel like a treat even when the rest of my family is eating pizza and pasta. For one, I have found that the Byerly's Tomato Basil Soup (in the frozen section in a box) is a great meal for me when the family is eating pizza. It's a fatty soup, full of calories, but no grain. And it feels like my own treat while smelling the goodness that is pizza.

I also have been making peanut butter balls with oatmeal, raisins, honey and protein powder to have on hand all the time. They're delicious. And helpful for when I'm hungry and hangry.

And finally, the snack above was brought to ecfe today, and I literally drove straight to Target to buy my own. In the past I haven't loved roasted red pepper hummus. But paired with these little cheesy gluten-free rice crackers, something awesome happens. For the record it still tastes "healthy"...but it also tastes a whole lot like velveeta rotel and corn chips. It's a good treat and I'm thrilled to have a new snack/lunch option in my fridge. 

impulse buying

I took the kids to Cub Foods today to buy tulips and daffodils. When we were checking out Elsie told me, "we forgot food!" But we went specifically for flowers. We are at that part of the winter where springtime flowers really do a world of good for morale. While I was picking out my daffodils ($2.99 for 10!) I saw an older man and felt compelled to say, "Are you married?" And he said yes. And I said, "You really should buy your wife some daffodils today. They're a good price and she'd love it." And then he looked at me funny like I probably didn't need to be talking to him about his wife or about daffodils. And when I walked away I thought to myself, 'with a confused reaction like that, that guy really should buy his wife daffodils.' Later I saw him at checkout, flowerless.

Then we went to Target. I should mention that the wind today is biting cold. It sucks your breath away. And even though the forecast looks great for the weekend, the few days we have to make it there feel like sucker punches (-9 tonight!). I got my kids in the store and then proceeded to impulse shop like only a mother at Target in the dead of winter can. We found new sunglasses for the kids. And a baseball cap for Elsie. Elsie got a new headband that has flowers all the way around that is adorable and will be worked into an Easter outfit. They had raincoats and matching boots and umbrellas for little girls that made me swoon, but I did have the good sense not to go completely overboard. The truth is, I could have bought the whole store today. Which probably would have helped Target during this sad time of layoffs. But it would have meant a lot of explaining when I got home. Instead I made sure the kids were good and excited to show dad their new sunglasses and hat and headband before we have the next budget talk.

We're going to make it to springtime. My sister is inviting her neighbors over next week for an outdoor Welcome Spring Chili Feed and Bonfire. I love that idea so much I might to have to steal it. We're almost there. We're so close. Daffodils will help us in the meantime.

a day in the life

At 9:00 this morning I decided I was going to get the kids out of the house and head to the zoo. At 9:48 we were loaded in the car and driving down our lane. At 10:30 we arrived at the zoo, and by the time we put our coats in a locker, found the mini-potty for everyone to "just try" it was announced that the 11:00 bird show would be starting shortly.

We had a huge owl swoop over our heads and the kids were mesmerized the whole time. When the show was over we went to the cafeteria where we got 20% off today because it was member day. I got Elsie chicken strips, which was a huge mistake because upon seeing Ivar's corn dog she suddenly realized that's what she actually wanted. Ivar insisted on helping pump the ketchup into our ketchup cups and together we ate our lunch with all the other moms and tots who decided they had to get out of their house today.

It was as we walked up towards the tropics trail that I started listening to the words coming out of other mom's mouths. I first heard one mom, "nope. you said you wanted to bring it in, so you need to carry it." And I wondered how many times those words have been said aloud. Then I heard another, "You need to change your attitude. Because the rest of us are having a nice time and you are the one choosing to have a bad day." Towards the top of the ramp I heard another mom say, "we're going to go to the bathroom first, just to try." I had just said those words myself an hour earlier.

We walked towards an enormous sand box, set up for just the last week and I saw a dad pick up his kid and wrestle the boy's socks and shoes back on telling him it was time to head home for naps.

I ran into friends at the sandbox and sat with them on a bench where we discussed cathartic topics like how much we loathe cleaning the kitchen after every meal. Then we moved on to how little motivation there ever is for bath time. Because it is a fight to get the kids in the tub and then a fight to get them out again.

I want you to know I am not writing any of this in a foul mood. In fact, today I felt downright amused. Encouraged, even. Today I felt a sweet kinship with every other parent at the zoo, and it made me feel very much validated. We're all saying the same things. We're all working really hard to raise good, awesome kids. We're all just as impatient and dog tired as the next person.

I got our coats out of our locker and went to buy the trail mix Ivar had been asking for since we arrived. We were in the cafe area just in front of the penguins when Ivar tripped on my shoe and his trail mix went flying across the floor. And the boy came unglued. He threw a tantrum bigger than I have ever seen. There was rolling and screaming and inconsolable crying. From my end there was comforting words, then firm words, followed by angry words and then threatening words. In the midst of it, Elsie kicked my mocha on the floor, spilling half onto the carpet, and a nice dad came and set it upright for me. The whole while there was an older couple with no grandkids that actually turned in their chairs to watch. That's not in my head. They just starred. And I realized the absurdity of the moment, how we were one hour past nap time and that this whole episode had very little to do with m&m's on the carpet and much more to do with an overtired little boy. But it was epic. Ivar finally pulled it together, Elsie announced that she had to go potty and as we left I said to the couple, "you didn't know you were getting coffee and a show, did you?" And they sort of smiled sort of not.

And we left to find the mini-potty.

Again, none of this is written in anger or embarrassment or shame. I'm just amused at all the work and patience and care that goes into parenting. We got home and Ivar got the chills on the couch. He's got a fever, aches all over and now I've got a sick boy up in his bed. No rest for the mama. When I tucked him in I said, "Buddy, you have to sleep. Sleep is the way your body heals so you can feel better." And I wondered how many parents have said those words to their own kids.

Papa's Epic Birthday Party

On Thursday night the Groves family gathered at Kyle and Lisa's to celebrate my father-in-law's 70th birthday. Lisa came up with the anchor theme because Madison is the anchor of this family. She had pennants and pictures and anchor cookies and even made cookies shaped like cupcakes because she knows my kids are crazy about cupcakes at a birthday party. They loved the cookies just as much (I think they each ate four.) 

We ate an incredible meal, and actually I'm going to link to all of these recipes because you've got to try them. The food was sooo good. Lisa made this Greek Chicken. I made Pioneer Woman's Greek Salad. Sara made Brown Rice and Zucchini Casserole (links to come) and Lisa made Samoa Sheet Cake...a cake based on the girl scout cookie! 

For Papa's candles, she bound 70 candles together. Most hilarious was Elsie's lack of a reaction to the blazing inferno in front of her. 

Then we gathered around to open presents. And each person shared a story or told why they love Papa. I told about how when Rory and I were dating I wasn't sure I was going to stick around and marry him. And at some family gathering Lisa and Sara and I left the house and went out to Sara's car to sit and talk. I told them that I knew Rory and I worked now, but I just wasn't sure. Sara told me that at some point when she and Troy were dating she realized that if Madison was the man Troy aspired to be like, she was all in. And when she said that, I was too. Because I knew Rory respected no one more than he loved and looked up to his father. And if I was marrying someone who was going to grow up to be a guy as great and solid as Madison, then I was all in too. 

And that all turned out to be true. Madison was Rory's best man. He still is his greatest sounding board. And I am so, so glad I stuck around!

The night was filled with stories of servant giving, family loyalty, stories of thanksgiving and gratitude. When we drove home I thought about the fruits of a Christ-following family. The fruits are many. The fullness I felt in my heart and the gratitude I have for being in such a clan is such a sweet gift and a gift this good can only come from God alone. I would wish this deeply-full feeling, rooted in the solid foundation of faith and family, for every person on the planet.

I know not every one has this in their family, for lots of different reasons. But I left so inspired to run my own race and raise my own kids like Marlene and Madison have raised their three boys, so that one day when I'm 70, I might have some awesome descendants lip syncing gospel songs for me too.

Oh we laughed so hard.  Every lyric, solo line, and harmony was perfectly executed. Ruby covered the baritone notes, Toby was the announcer and it. was. incredible. It doesn't get much better than this. It was a sweet night. And so easy to celebrate such a quality guy. Happy Birthday, Madison!