weekend update

Well this has been quite the week. I began the week with a 24-hour flu that somehow didn't spread to the rest of my family. But it was awful. In the midst of the flu, we were potty training Elsie. More on this another time but the girl loves her potty chair and most of all her Princess Sophia underwear. All the while, Rory was watching his eggs, waiting for them to hatch. They were supposed to hatch on Tuesday and if you could have seen my sad husband on that day, your heart would have softened a bit. He was very sad and concerned something was wrong because they didn't hatch. But Wednesday morning came with the surprise and joy of a baby chick! And Thursday morning he woke me at five o'clock to watch the second chick hatch. We watched the whole thing: from little hole in the egg, to a floppy chick kicking off the rest of the egg. It was really special. After the chick excitement, we celebrated Rory's dad's 70th birthday, an epic celebration for one quality guy. Prepare for an awesome post about an awesome party.

The weather is brutally cold again and Ivar informed me this morning that, "all of my toys are just so boring." And as his mom, I sort of agree. How many times can you whip out the same puzzles and blocks and make them look fun and fresh. The boy needs to be outside, and it's just too cold. So I decided to step up my game and make sand boxes in the kitchen with trays and...corn flour. A decision I very much regretted pretty much right away.

We're hitting the part of winter that drags the most. Historically, I do fine with winter (even love it) right up until President's Day. And then I'm over it. Ready for the sound of melting snow. Ready for walks down our road. On the whole, I'm doing way better than I have the last few years, and for that I am grateful. But I'm still going to admit that this winter is getting long. (Even longer than the sticker train Ivar stuck to the plastic on our big window.)

I have a post in the works to tell all about Madison's Epic Party. It was such a sweet celebration. Hopefully that will go up tomorrow. Until then, keep an eye on The Grovestead. Rory has documented all of the egg to chick excitement this week and has much to share.

a one hour winter adventure

On Saturday Rory loaded his family up for a winter hike at a nearby county park. The temperature had risen to 21 degrees with more sub-zero temps in the forecast. It was time to seize the day. He started out with three less-than-thrilled family participants, but by the time we got out of the car at the park we had switched our attitudes. And it was a really great adventure. We found a hollow tree we could get in and a little hole in another tree that we imagined was an owl house. Ivar excitedly pointed out all of the "wooden rainbows!" in the woods...trees that were arched over so the tops were touching the ground. Elsie was a trooper, walking the whole way and everyone was kept nicely motivated by the gorp I brought along, complete with valentines m&m's. 

Ivar and Elsie lost steam for the very last hill back up to our car but thankfully their daddy is strong and loves them to pieces. Once out of the woods we made our way to the picnic shelter but Ivar was really done then. He wasn't exactly sad or mad. Just done. And licking the snow.

It was a good reminder for me to find the fun in this weather. I recently saw a blog post of someone who went camping over valentine's day on the Oregon coast and I was struck down with the whole "why is it so cold where I live?!!" thing. But Saturday turned that attitude on its head. I still wonder why it has to be so cold, but it also is beautiful and full of its own adventures too. 

a sledding hill

I remember visiting my childhood home a few years after we had moved. And the thing that weirded me out the most was that the sledding hill in our back yard  wasn't actually that great of an elevation change. It was a tiny slope, and yet somehow sufficed for a childhood of sledding memories.

On Monday my sister and her girls came over and found the only change of elevation on our property. How their sleds even continued forward was a bit of a mystery to me. But they made it work and I felt happy that we have a sledding hill.

Have a happy weekend, everyone. This morning we are starting the three-day potty training plan with Elsie. It worked like a charm with Ivar, but from the start I think Elsie has a bit more fight in her. Might take more than three days, but we'll see. I'll let you know on Monday. :)

cardboard creativity

For Valentines this year my sweetheart built me an Ikea dresser. I purchased the dresser on January 4th, but it took us a solid five weeks to muster up the will to open the boxes and follow the picture instructions. We've built enough dressers to know exactly what we were in for. It probably won't go down as the most romantic valentines days of my life, but it was awesome. We were in fun moods and we now have four hemnes dressers of all shapes and sizes organizing our clothes.

The very best part of the dresser delighted me all week long. It was the cardboard box it came in. It has given us five solid days of entertainment and is still going strong. Ivar made a pizza to fit in the pizza box that held all the small parts for the dresser. Below he made a robot and the bottom picture he proudly told me "is a statue!" The mileage from that big box is incredible and it is a joy to watch my kids create. I didn't do much guiding on this one...my kids found the tape and scissors and asked for the crayons. On the whole, they are just getting more self-sufficient.

I also am learning the art of letting Ivar take the lead. The first day he had me cutting up tiny squares to make "bricks for the roof!" I cut the bricks and helped decorate them and knew there was no way these things would end up making a roof. After all, I have 28 years of fort-building expertise on the kid. But I followed his plans, did what he said and in the end, after trying lots of failed options he happily decided that the bricks on the roof could be "decorations on the wall!" I was proud of him for course-correcting. And even more proud of myself for not taking over the role of project manager. :)

I never want to forget

Each night on my way to bed I slip in to check on Ivar and Elsie, to adjust their covers and to give them a kiss on their cheeks. Usually they've already been asleep a few hours and their breathing is heavy and loud. My heart swells twelve sizes and I know I've never been so happy. I move Ivar's entire body so that his head is back at the top of his bed and I reposition Elsie so that her covers are snug around her neck.

I feel something more fulfilled and content and satisfied in this daily ritual than anything else.

It's often right then that I'll step on a little john deere tractor or a duplo, right in the arch of my foot, full body weight. Which keeps it all real. But that feeling of peaceful satisfaction is just as real too. 

And in the night Ivar will need to go to the bathroom and Elsie will cry out because her covers are off. And I'll feel frustrated at the interrupted sleep. But then in the morning, if I'm lucky, I'll open my eyes to two heads watching me, smiling, excited for me to get up and begin the day. And even though I'm tired, my heart swells twelve sizes again. Because I know I've got a pretty great gig.

is there a book inside you?

We've had this book on our bookshelf since were were married. Rory remembers buying it when he was in high school. I've thumbed through the pages but mostly answered the title. Is there a book inside you? Me? Are you talking to me? Why, yes. Thank you for asking. Yes there is.

I've always known this. I love writing. And I've always had the desire to find the discipline to write an entire book. The hang up was that I never felt I had anything unique to add to the mix. I have lots of stories. Lots of story material. But I knew it wasn't a book. A few years ago I decided to table the idea of writing a book until I had something to say. (That was a smart idea!)

This year at the Groves' Family Christmas my brother-in-law, Kyle, asked me if I thought I'd ever write a book. I told him I thought I would one day, but for now I didn't know what I'd write about. And I'm not sure how it snowballed, but soon most of the adults were discussing one idea I had mentioned and the conversation gained momentum and I got excited. My father-in-law brought up something that felt like the clincher to bring the whole thing together. We drove home that night and I knew I finally had something to say.

(I'm going to pause here for a minute to flat out apologize for being so vague. Because I'm not actually going to tell you what the book is going to be about. I'm afraid if I do, I steal my own thunder and write a blog post about my book, instead of the book itself. That's probably super annoying, but hopefully it is super motivating for me to write the thing and super inspiring in the end when you read the thing. But again, I apologize.)

A few weeks after the Groves' Christmas conversation I brought something up at ECFE that sort of summarized the idea behind this book and after a friend wanted to talk some more. As we talked I mentioned that I want to write about this and she was so encouraging. The ideas felt original to her and she was so excited that I might write them out formally.

I went home that day, gave the kids lunch and put them down for quiet play time and nap time and then sat on the couch and wrote out the entire outline for such a project. I had nine chapters. I had subtopics. I had illustrations plugged in. I have had this book inside of me for a long, long time.

The reason I am writing about all of this at all is because I think it's going to affect my blogging. It actually sort of has to. I've got little margins of time during my day and I'm realizing that if I'm going to pump this sucker out, I will have to stop blogging so regularly. Which is a bummer, but hopefully will lead to actual pages in your hand in the near future. I would imagine, just knowing myself and my blog, that I won't be able to stay away for any serious long stretches, but if I do go missing, I would love your prayers that I would write something worthwhile, helpful and heartfelt. (And then be sure to keep tabs on Rory. From possums to hatching eggs, he'll keep you entertained...)

I have given myself a little six month deadline. It's totally doable. The book is written in my head. At night I wake up and write entire sections in my head. Rory told me I probably need to start getting out of bed and writing them down when they're feeling fluid and inspired. I might start doing this, but I also am trusting that when I sit down with an hour to write, God will give me focus, clarity and confidence to write the words that need to be written in that window of time.

I'm so excited. Can you tell? I have a strange and awesome confidence going into this project because I know this book is supposed to be written. I would love your prayers for focus and to see this baby through. I am anticipating that at some point this confidence and excitement will turn into insecurity and heaviness, so pray against that. I'm announcing this project as a means of accountability. Pray that I see this book through to its completion.

I've got a book inside of me! And it's busting to get out!

giving away my first book

The picture above is of me and my friend, Amanda. I've known Amanda since she was three, friends through church and our mom's sang in the same singing group. When I worked at Mount Carmel Family Bible Camp recruiting their summer staff, I recruited Amanda. She was thrilled to come and I was thrilled to have her spirit on our staff.

She is one of my favorite people on the planet. She's like sunshine. She's a happy, joyful, fun girl and to be with her means you're probably also feeling happy, joyful and fun.

When she came to work at Mount Carmel she was at a crossroads, deciding what direction to take. At camp she was surrounded by awesome people and solid teaching. And then she decided to grab hold of the truth and she has been in a dead sprint following after Jesus ever since.

Since then, there have been so many times that I have looked up to Amanda and her solid foundation in Christ and wanted to be more like her. She is such a bright light and so encouraging to me. She's a dear friend who always leaves me wanting to run the race a little harder, shine a little brighter and love and serve with all my heart. Isn't that the sweetness of having a sister-in-Christ? She spurs me on when I'm feeling weary, and I can spur her on too.

I think it was three summers after we worked together at Mount Carmel that I was pregnant with Ivar and we were up at camp at the same time. She and our friend Lindsey came to eat dinner with me and Rory and wanted to know everything about pregnancy. And they begged me to write down everything I was learning and feeling so they could read it one day. I'm not just saying that. It was like they both had me by the arms, telling me to write about this first baby.

So I started right then. With the two of them in mind I started writing little pieces about pregnancy all the way to Ivar's first birthday. I called the book Two Lines to One Year. (The two lines being the two lines on the pregnancy test). A few of the pieces I published on the blog, but most of them I didn't. After Ivar was born I would bring him to my in-laws, Marlene and Madison's, house and then go and write at the Prior Lake Library for a few hours. Looking back I can't get over how fortunate I was to have this time to myself and time to process all I was feeling as a first time mom.

In the end (and with a whole lot of motivating by Rory) I self-published a very rough draft. I had two copies printed and when they came in the mail I felt so proud. I read it through and then I got pregnant with Elsie and the two books made the move with us to the country.

It was not until a few Sunday's ago as I sat in church, thinking of all the things I needed to do before going to Amanda's baby shower that afternoon that it dawned on me: "I wrote Amanda a book! I get to give her that book!" The book is dedicated to Amanda and Lindsey and it says, "if you are the only two who ever read this little ditty, I can think of no greater readership." I came home and pulled it from the bookshelf and wrapped it up.

I drove to Eagan and sat with all of Amanda's awesome family and friends and then got to give my friend a book I had written. It was the best feeling in the world. I felt proud of this little rough draft and so grateful to give her something to read while she is walking the same rocky road of being a new mom. She loved it. Cried big tears and I was so glad for the time I took to write each word.

I got home and took the other copy off of the shelf and went up to bed and read the whole thing. Some stories I'd omit now. Some I'd greatly edit. But on the whole, I loved it. I loved my heart behind it and some of the stories were hilarious. I was proud of that little book.

Now I don't intend to actually ever publish that one. But it stirred something in me. Something that's been brewing for a long time. And since I'm getting a little long winded here, I'll save part two for tomorrow.

the sacred ordinary

Our days have been pretty ordinary lately, and it seems my eyes to "find a story" are less creative than usual. But in an attempt to find the sacred in the ordinary here's what we've been up to:

+We've spent most of our time building and rebuilding and building again a zoo. We've got a pony stable, an aquarium, a mini-bear and a lion exhibit. It's really pretty impressive. And we're always in the middle of another building campaign.

+The kids are so loud lately. Loud when laughing, playing, fighting, running, having-trouble-sharing... One day last week I found myself shushing them over and over and finally at one point I realized I was the only one in the house. Their volume didn't matter. They were going bananas because we've been cooped up so long. So I decided to join them. I got super loud and played loud music and joined in their silly loud play. And it worked. It didn't annoy me as much when I joined in.

+Rory built an incubator and has four eggs that he rotates four times a day. He has an external thermometer that tells him the temperature in there. He wakes up multiple times a night to check the temp and then runs downstairs to adjust the dimmer switch so that the temperature stays within three degrees. He is a very devout mother hen. You can read more about his incubating adventures here.

a quick hello

It's not like me to have such a gap between blog posts. But this has been an unusual week. On Monday I found out about a writing fellowship and decided to apply. The application took all day and I got it in by midnight. Yesterday I made a meal that we brought to a friend's house for dinner. Today we've been to ECFE, McDonalds (hence the ketchup on the face) and at the moment I am most excited for a nap, so this will be a quick little drop in.

Because I did want to share the conversation Ivar and I had on the way to ECFE today.

Ivar: Mom! Look out your window! Do you see Baby Jesus is gone! It's just the stable left. (a house we pass on our way into town has had a nativity set up all season)

Becca: Oh right. That's because Mary and Joseph took Baby Jesus to Egypt where he'd be safe. An angel warned Joseph in a dream so that's where they went.

Ivar: No. Mom, those were just decorations. So they're probably in a box in the garage.

sister daughter

If I ever call Elsie my baby she will protest, "I'm not a baby! I'm a sister daughter!"

Today we were playing house and they were assigning roles. Ivar was the daddy, Elsie was the mama and I said I'd be the baby. But Elsie corrected me again, "No. You be the sister daughter."

the best ice breaker questions

As a part of Women's Bible Study this semester, I was put in charge of coming up with a weekly ice breaker question. I just spent entirely too much time reading through other people's lists and came up with my personal favorite get-to-know-you questions. The first question is original. I'll be sure to answer that question some day on the blog...

• Have you ever ordered anything off of tv? Was it as good as they said it would be? 
• What interest haven't you pursued but have always wanted to and what draws you to it?
• What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten? Best thing you've ever eaten?
• If you could choose one day to live again, what day would you choose?
• What is your favorite thing to do in the summer? In the winter?
• If you had a time machine that could travel to anytime in world history (the past) what time period and where would you visit? (And then after Jesus' living years, where would you go?)
• If you could hop a plane and go anywhere in the world with anyone, where would you go?
• What is a gift you will never forget receiving?
• Would you rather go without television or fast food for the rest of your life?
• If you had this week over again, what would you do differently?
• What book, movie or tv show have you seen/read recently that you would recommend? 
• What was your first job? What is the best job you've ever had? The worst?
• Do you have any pet peeves?
• Who, from your childhood, were the people who most greatly shaped who you grew up to become?

And if you're looking for one incredible resource for group mixers, check out this link.

how to make a friend

I spent four days this weekend in Mesa with my sister and my folks. Annika and I left our kids and husbands behind and hopped on an airplane with good books, hopeful for naps and sunshine. And we got a lot of both.

I came home late last night and this morning Rory had really important phone calls that required a quiet house from 9:30-12:30. So we went to the John Deere store, our favorite burger place and the library.

When we got to the burger place I put in our order and then we waited at our table. It's sort of a diner feel restaurant and we are regulars. I needed to use the restroom and was trying to get my kids to leave their chocolate milk to join me in the bathroom so I could go. But they were hard sells and eventually the woman who took our order walked by, heard my plea to my kids and told me she'd be happy to watch them.

When I came back they had discovered their shared love of John Deere tractors. Ivar told me excitedly that she has two boxes of tractors at her house that her big boys used to play with. When she walked away he asked me when we could have a play date at her house.

She brought our food and we asked her name. She said it was Laurie. And Ivar asked if he could play with her tractors and she laughed politely.

After she walked away I explained to the kids, "That is how you make a friend. You start talking and find something in common. Then you learn their name and remember it so that the next time you see them you can say hi. And then you are friends."

As I said it I was struck with how simple this formula is. And then I realized that I had just made a new friend named Laurie, and left motivated to try to learn one new name each day. Especially the names of the people I see often, like the workers at the stores I frequent or really, any place in my small town.

The world would be a whole lot more inviting if everyone shared this daily goal, wouldn't it? I thought it was a nice thought, and I'm going to give it a go.

marriage counseling

I remember reading Mindy Kaling's hilarious book and her writing about how annoying it is for her, as a single woman, to hear her married friends talk all the time about how hard marriage is. She'd think to herself, you married him. Figure it out and get over yourself. You're married. And when I read it I laughed and then for months her words frequently came to mind.

Because it is hard. And because I think it does have to be said. No matter how annoying. Because the other thing that is so annoying is watching marriages fall apart. Except it's not annoying, it's devastating. In the past two years I have heard way too many stories of couples I knew growing up, friend's parents, family friends who have ended their marriages long after the kids left the house. The last one I heard about was a couple that made if 45 years before they divorced. What in the world?

With each of these couples, and I'm thinking of three in particular, I tried my hardest to wrap my head around what could have gone so terribly wrong during year 38 to cause such a rupture in their relationship to necessitate such a decision. Obviously, I don't know the answer. These were couples I knew from a far. But for each one, when I heard the news, I was first filled with disbelief followed by deep sorrow. Sorrow for their pain, for their kid's pain and their grandkid's pain. Sorry for whatever it was they were still looking for and how they didn't feel they had found it yet.

I believe marriage is the ultimate way God refines us. What better way to teach a person selflessness, servant-hearted giving, forgiveness, patience, self-control and real love than in the context of marriage. That almost makes me laugh a bit. Because it's brilliant. God is brilliant! If you want to teach a person patience, have them be united to the same person for the rest of their life and see what happens. I bet they grow in the art of patience.

When I heard of these divorces, of people I knew in my childhood, people I knew from family functions, people I looked up to, it shook me up. Because we're all fallible. And I believe there is a very real enemy who would love to see all marriages destroyed. And he seems to be working extra hard lately.

After Rory and I moved to the country and added a second baby to our family we started getting a bit short with each other. We had bad sleep for about a year there, and it left us both pretty crabby. Plus we had this huge transition on our hands: a hobby farm in a new town with two kids. There were so many variables it was hard to know what was at the root, but whatever it was we were taking it out on each other.

I called many marriage counselors in our area, asked friends for recommendations, looked on the internet. But most were a 30 minute drive from us, and the one I found in town had just stopped marriage counseling because, as she told me on the phone, 'it's so hard to spend so much time with couples when there is so seldom any resolution.'

In a last ditch effort, I asked a staff member at our church on a Sunday morning if she knew of any marriage counselors in the area. She smiled and said she and her husband love to counsel couples. I remember telling her, "I'm not afraid Rory is going anywhere. We're both in this for the long haul. But if he's not going anywhere, we've got to figure a few things out." I thought it was cheeky and funny, but it also was true. Marriage is a long time. And it might as well be awesome.

This couple used a curriculum that structured our sessions. We had homework each week and met for three months. There was always prayer involved and I even went in for a special session to pray about one area that needed special attention. My parents came every Tuesday afternoon to watch our  kids so we could go. And some sessions were incredible, and others were helpful but hard and had us sitting in silence on the drive home. But we could feel the ways God was reshaping our relationship. Marriage at its core is a spiritual commitment, and through prayer and these hard conversations God was able to reshape our hearts.

So much good came from those Tuesday afternoons. It really amazes me to think about it all now. They helped me make a critical distinction in my conflict resolution. I don't like conflict, but I also can't react very well in the moment. I need time to process. This was a HUGE breakthrough for me. Because even though I don't like sitting in the tension of conflict, it often takes me a day to process what I am feeling and why I am feeling it. To learn this with Rory was life-changing. We now know to stop conversations in the moment, and to decide on a time to talk through the heart of the issue.

When we took the huge marriage inventory at the beginning of our session we scored really high on communication. Our scores were almost perfect. But our score for conflict resolution was terrible. Which felt so validating! Rory and I can talk a subject into the ground and back out the other side of the earth and back into the ground again. We're great at talking. We just don't know how to work through all of those words. So we focused a lot of time on skills and language for conflict resolution.

And then we began the weekly family meetings. Those started in direct response to our marriage counseling. I later likened counseling to seeing a physical trainer. It's good, and there is a lot to learn. But if you don't put into practice what you're learning, if you don't exercise on your own time, or make actual changes with how you spend your time, a weekly visit to a physical trainer isn't going to do much good. Same with a marriage counseling. Once a week isn't going to cut it if you don't decide you will actually change how you behave within your marriage the rest of the week. Those family meetings are like our power work outs, where we literally work out the nuts and bolts of running a household and created a space to have some of the bigger conversations that need to happen in order to feel connected.

We still have those meetings every week. And when we can't meet on a Sunday, Rory will break over lunch on Monday to meet. He insists. Because it's that important for both of us.

I guess I'm writing all of this out because I want to say a few things to the world. First, Mindy Kaling, your book is hilarious and I just want to add my voice to the other annoying married people out there to say again, "marriage is hard." Because it is, and I think it's good for people to know that. Because the movies, romance books and basically everything in the world would want us to think it's an all-the-time fairy tale. Second, I am so sad for every single marriage that doesn't make it. I'm sad for the broken hearts, the broken families and the broken lives that are left in the wake of divorce. Third, marriage counseling is incredible. Incredibly hard, sometimes awkward and incredibly worth every single minute. Rory and I are light years ahead of where we were in September when we started. From now on I would always start the search by asking if anyone does counseling within the church. It's less expensive for one, and for two, true healing comes from God alone. To find a counselor that believes in the restoration found in Christ Jesus alone is imperative.

So go build an incredible marriage. Walk through your valleys and fight to make it to the other side. The stories of redemption, reconciliation and restoration are always the greatest stories of all. And our God is the author of every one of those stories. They're the ones He writes the best.

cousin sarah's corn salsa

I have had so much awesome feedback from my Pretty Much Paleo post on Monday. Lots of emails, phone calls and follow up questions.

It probably should be noted that I am not a doctor, or a dietitian, and that I failed 5th grade Human Growth and Development. Now that you know that, I will proceed.

When we are out of the house I eat Wendy's chili, a Jimmy John's un-wich, McDonald's Southwest chicken salad or Taco Bell's hard shelled Taco's. I eat burgers out of their buns and love Chipotle's salad (that dressing!). I keep a baggie of almonds and dried fruit in my purse at all times.

When I am at home it is most important that there are awesome snacking options available. Like my cousin Sarah's corn salsa. I try to have this stuff on hand all the time. It's great with corn chips, and awesome on a lettuce salad with chicken and some sort of dressing.

You can add cilantro if that's something you fancy. But I can't handle that stuff, so I don't add it. Instead I usually add a little extra vinegar. Because I totally fancy vinegar.

Cousin Sarah's Corn Salsa:
1 can black beans, drained
1 can black eyed peas, drained
1 can corn, drained
1 red onion diced small
2 peppers, any colors, seeded and diced small
2 Tbsp. Vegetable Oil
1 1/2 tsp. Vinegar
1 tsp. Cumin
Salt and Pepper
(cilantro, chopped)

Eat with corn chips or on a salad. It's yummy.

possum problems

Tonight I drove home in flip flops after getting a pedicure. I hit the button to put the garage door up and saw two glowing eyes and a pointy long nose of one big possum eating cat food on top of our freezer. I honked the horn, attempting to scare him away, but instead he waddled over to the heated cat beds and made himself cozy and comfortable. The cats were up in the rafters.

I was paralyzed. This thing kept looking at me and I couldn't get out of the car. I basically had bare feet! And very vulnerable toes. So I called Rory who was inside watching tv. But he didn't pick up his phone. So I backed the car up (causing the possum to drop to the floor and hide under the kids' toys) and flashed my brights until Rory stuck his head out to see what I needed. I rolled down my window, "The possums back! He's under the trike."

Rory disappeared back into the house and I was certain he'd come back with a gun. He had been startled by the possum a few nights ago, digging in the cat food bag. But when he came back he didn't have a gun. Instead he yelled, "where's the SD card for the camera?" He spent some time taking pictures of the possum. (The picture above is the possum coming out from under a storage unit. I cropped it for you, kind readers, riding the possum of his tail, the sickest part. I like you too much to subject you to possum tail on my blog.) And then he proceeded to use my kitchen mop to try to move the possum out of the garage.

Gross.

But our garage has too many possible possum hiding places to make that plan go smoothly. So Rory moved his truck out to make more room to find this thing. Eventually he got it out of the garage and watched it waddle back into the woods until he comes back again tomorrow night.

I later commented to him that I was surprised he hadn't gotten his gun. He told me, "for that thing? He's harmless. A possum is just like a big docile rat, Becca."

Thank you, Rory. That is very comforting.

pretty much paleo

From the start, I am feeling funny about writing this post. But this shift in my eating has been such a mental health game changer I feel like I have to share. I ate this way last January to April, and swore I never go back to "normal" eating again. But I fell off the wagon on Easter Sunday and never was able to get back on. I wanted to. For a whole eight months...but it seemed overwhelming and I couldn't quite remember what I ate...

So here I am to document what I am eating, why I'm eating it, and to say from the start that the plan in this eating strategy is this: Get back on the Wagon. That's the goal. The success of this eating plan is not based on calories or pounds, but rather getting back on track when I get off track.

This is going to be a doozer of a post, so if you don't care, just move on. You'll be annoyed by the end if you don't. :) You've been warned, and now I'll move on with the back story. Last Christmas, we were driving home from my mom's house where I had played the part of Mary while acting out the nativity. And a we drove home, I was scanning through the pictures on my camera and could not get over the size of my face. I looked so round and poofy. I looked unhealthy. (And white, which is an unfortunate part of winter...we eat, we hibernate and we turn white. It's really a triple whammy.)

That night I grabbed a book off of Rory's nightstand, The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf. I started skimming it, and I started believing it. Without any sort of fanfare, I started eating paleo the next day. And three days later it was as if a fog lifted. I can't explain it more that that. You just have to try it. Because the same thing happened to me this time around, one year later. Just three days into this eating plan and my energy, clarity of mind and mental well-being are all noticeably improved.

The crazy thing is that I'm eating really fatty foods. Which feels backwards. But last time around I lost a good amount of weight, and this time around the scale is moving in the same direction at a motivating clip.

So I'm going to list out my actual eating menu here. This is mostly for me, to help me get back on the wagon when I fall off. I simply forgot what I ate, how I snacked, even my go-to's for breakfast. This list isn't exhaustive, but it's definitely the core of what I'm eating. And hopefully, if you're interested at all, this will give you a concrete way to start.

You'll notice right away (if you are familiar with Paleo) that I am not super strict with that diet. I think this eating plan falls somewhere between Gluten-free and Paleo. It's more than Gluten-free (I'm not eating any grains except corn) and not quite full-on Paleo (I eat potatoes and even some dairy). Mostly, it includes no grains and no sugars outside of natural foods. (But there are some let's-be-serious foods on there that help me get by from day to day...like dark chocolate and chocolate soy milk. Because, let's be serious.)

So here's my Pretty-Much-Paleo Plan: (all of my eating options)

Breakfast:
Over Medium Eggs and Roasted Sweet Potatoes (I eat this 80% of the time)
Hard Boiled Egg whites (good for eating on the go)
Grain-Free Granola
Scrambled eggs and hash browns
Ham, Salami, Bacon, Sausage
Fruit: banana, kiwi, orange, grapes, pear, grapefruit

Snacks:
Apples with Peanut Butter and Raisins
Ants on a Log (my current obsession. I cannot get enough. It's like I'm five.)
Homemade hummus and sweet pea pods
Hard boiled egg
Prunes
Nuts
Popcorn
Yellow corn chips and Salsa
Sarah's corn salsa
Canned Fruit (when I'm dying for sugar...)
Ghirardelli dark baking chips
Chocolate Chex cereal
Flourless Chocolate cake at cupcake shop (for special occasions!)
Tea

Lunch:
Green Leaf Lettuce or Spinach Salad with Broccoli Slaw and nuts and dressing
Tuna Salad on lettuce
Chicken Salad on lettuce
BBQ meatballs
Soul Sisterhood Chicken
Turkey Kielbasa and Peppers and Onions
Skin-on hot dog with mustard and giardiniera
Chili
Pork Chops
Bok Choy Salad- no ramen

Supper:
I can usually eat what my family is eating in some modified way. Instead of spaghetti, I'll stuff a pepper with the sauce and meat.

A few things to note:
-Last time around I ate no dairy. But this time around I crave milk, so I'm going with it. I'll have dairy in moderation.
-I'm taking a multivitamin, vitamin c and vitamin d everyday.
-I will have some rice, but not even a serving. I also am fine eating potatoes. Mostly sweet potatoes.
-I have found a tea that I drink all. day. long. I'm off of caffeine and sleeping like a baby.

And I try to always have:
-a dozen hard boiled eggs
-grain-free granola in the fridge (for when I want chocolate, something munchy, or "cereal"
-roasted sweet potatoes, already roasted and in the fridge. Makes for fast breakfast prep.
-homemade hummus
-homemade mayonnaise (seriously, I'm losing weight...)
-Sarah's corn salsa

Again, all this is probably overkill. But I hope it's helpful to someone. The greatest part is that once you are off of carbs and sugar, you stop craving carbs and sugar. It can be a tricky three days to get there, but I do not crave those things anymore. That said, if I do have bread or a bar, it is like starting over from day one. My body wants more of that goodness, and it is a fight to get back to this place of non-craving. Which means it actually is not worth it to have a cheat-day, or to indulge just one time. I don't mean that to be legalistic, but it really means there is a three day battle to get back to my happy self.

I got the book Grain Brain from the library last weekend, and it's worth a skim. It's a more technical read for all that I am feeling. I personally didn't need to know so much science behind this eating plan. The proof in my mood, my energy, my outlook, my clarity, my productivity is enough for me. I know there are probably critics to this sort of eating, but when you find something that makes you feel so much better, it's going to be hard to convince me that caramel rolls, biscuits, scones, crackers, muffins, donuts, cereal, cake, bread, buns and bars are actually things I should add back in to my diet.

If you do give this a shot, let me know what you think. I'd be curious to know. :)

a grandparent and grandkid retreat in nebraska!

I'm heading back to Nebraska, and could not be more excited!!! Rory and I lived for two years in Nebraska while I worked at Nebraska Lutheran Outdoor Ministries located in Ashland, right between Omaha and Lincoln.

They were two awesome years at an incredible camp. It was a huge undertaking...each summer I recruited and helped select over 70 summer camp counselors. And then trained those camp counselors for the summer ahead. It was awesome work, and I loved the people surrounding me at that job. I had quality co-workers and met some really neat families connected to the camp.

So when I was asked if I'd like to come back to help lead the grandparent and grandchild retreat this spring, I was over the moon. Mostly, I can't wait to get back to see some dear friends that I haven't seen since we moved (just before Ivar was born! how does time go so fast?!)

And the retreat couldn't be cooler. It's going to be held on a Monday-Wednesday during the week of Spring Break. Grandparents are encouraged to bring their elementary-age grandchild(ren) for a few days of memory-making, story-sharing and quality time together. I will be leading this retreat with Pastor Lance Ferguson who serves at Spirit of Hope Lutheran in Lincoln and Amanda Silva, the retreat coordinator at the camp. The three of has have had a few conference calls to plan the whole retreat and each time I get off the phone higher than a kite. It's going to be an incredible three days.

If you're in the Nebraska area, or have parents who are, or siblings...send them my way! Especially if you are a parent with a kid in elementary school...call your in-laws or your folks and encourage them to take your kid off your hands for two nights of Easter Vacation! :)

And if you're in Minnesota, I have made the drive in 6.5 hours from Minneapolis to Omaha. (might have been driving a bit fast...) Accommodations are STUNNING (we're in The Swanson Center!) and the program will be excellent. You'll be glad you came.

The Schedule, Registration and more Details can be found by clicking here.

the grovestead: a year of projects in review

Rory started blogging this year, and has a whole lot to show for it. He's more sporadic than I am, but he has created really great content all around our second year of hobby farming. If you have a minute, click on over to The Grovestead, to see his super-cool year-end post. I knew he would set up our tallest ladder every so often, but I had no idea it was with the idea of capturing our garden all summer long. He missed a few months, but I can vouch that life was pretty busy...  Enjoy!

kid quotes

Ivar was so excited for his friends Lily and Clara to come for a play date, he set the table for them 24 hours before their arrival. He was meticulous about the seating arrangement, who got what color plate and spoon and spent a lot of time moving things around. So for 24 hours before Lily and Clara came, we ate at the card table. Because there was no way we were going to move those dishes set with such love and care.

***
Quotes I wrote down recently:
*Ivar said, "Hey Elsie, I'm going to eat this yogurt, not you. Because I need it to grow big and strong so that if you need to reach something, I can help you. Okay, so that's why this last yogurt is mine."

*Ivar yelled in the Target parking lot "Elsie! If you don't hold Mama's hand a car will hit you and your skin will rip off and you'll be red forever. Do you want to be red forever? No!"

*Ivar told Rory while getting ready in the morning: "If I was in the toilet and you were going poopy and flushed the toilet, I would go to heaven!"

*Grandma Groves died in December. She was our last living grandparent between Rory and me. Her life story is epic, and we talked a lot about why daddy went to California with his brothers and mom and dad for her funeral. As a result, a lot of conversations were had about death and Jesus.
Ivar: I don't want to die. Ever.
Becca: Oh Ivar, are you thinking about that? You don't have to worry about that. Ever. Because we love Jesus we will live forever.
Ivar: Mom, I just.... I just... I just want two buns with mayonnaise on them!

what 'presence' looks like

On January 30th I sat down during nap time and wrote out what I think applying my one-little-word, Presence, looks like. And I came up with four goals related to this word:
          -Enjoy God's Presence
          -Listen to my husband with better attention, pray together at night
          -Be present for my kids
          -Recognize my own presence: am I hurried or peaceful

And then I made another list. I titled it:
           Life really would be better if I:
          -moved the laptop upstairs and kept it there
          -checked facebook only weekly
          -did my exercise dvd with some regularity
          -woke up for a quiet time before the kids
          -went to bed/took a bath around 9:30
          -ate Paleo again
          -played more with art stuff
          -read more during the day, not just at night

I sat there, decided it was a good list and knew I had to move my laptop upstairs right that moment. Not even wait until the 1st. Facebook is my greatest hurdle for being present to my own life. I don't have it on my phone, just my laptop. So I moved the computer up to the playroom. The next morning, as I made chili, I became acutely aware of how addicted I have become. Because all throughout the meal prep I wandered over to the corner of the counter that used to hold my laptop. And I wasn't sure why I was there.

I was like a lost puppy who had trained herself to check her facebook as a reward to unloading the top of the dishwasher. To check her instagram when she finished unloading the silverware holder. To google recipe questions, and since she was there, check her email (and facebook and instagram), and often forget entirely why she hopped back on her computer in the first place. I was addicted. And it was comical and sad to see the physical manifestation of this addiction as I made our chili. Time and again I'd find myself standing my the microwave, confused as to why I was there.

But facebook is a sneaky little devil, and I know that even a physical change wasn't going to relieve me of facebook the way I know I need to be rescued. So I asked Rory to change my password with the plan that he will log me in one time on the weekend and I can get caught up on all the animal videos, divisive 5-reasons-why articles and occasional actual life updates that I can handle.

These computer boundaries are huge for me. And I'm excited at the thought of a less-distracted, more-focused, present life.

I've lived with no facebook plan for a few days now, and what is most interesting is how bored I feel. I'm trying not to dismiss it and trying really hard to creatively fill it. Already I've been reading during the day. My workout video is an actual time filler between lunch and nap time/quiet play time. I've even gotten out my art journal and doodled the little picture above while the kids watercolor painted. There are moments I miss the convenience of feeling so connected, but even a few days in, my days feel filled with more intention. And that feels way better.