the 'got done' list

I just had the most amazing epiphany.

I was thinking about how I fight against my daily to do list. Because in my head, and on paper, I have lots of things I'd like to get done. But the end of the day comes and sometimes things get done, but other days nothing is accomplished. I know I've been working all day because I'm tuckered out, but it's hard to know where the day went.

It's hard to not have measurable work. I don't really have much to show for a day, except for children that are still alive and enjoying a secure and happy childhood. And that is enough if I am in my right mind. But if I am in my wrong mind I can go a little batty with the undoing of all the things I'm doing. Like the dishes that need to be washed again because we dirtied them again. Or the laundry that needs to be put away or washed or a combination of both. Or the kitchen floor that was just swept and spot mopped but again has sticky spots and crushed cereal and flattened raisins.

At the end of the day there isn't a lot to show for my time. We live in this house and it shows.

So it dawned on me. My to do list is what I'd like to get done. But often the day has other plans for me. Like to help Ivar come off of his tantrum because he couldn't put his vest on by himself. Furious he cried because he could not reach that other arm hole and would not let me help. Or like how lunch got so messy it necessitated baths for both kids...and they ended up spilling lots of water on the bathroom floor. Or like how I made three meals that kept all bodies in the house healthy and happy. Or how, on an impulse, I finally made a phone call reconnecting with a friend long overdue.

The epiphany is that at the end of the day I should make a GOT DONE list.

My list would read like this:
-Helped Ivar work through his tantrum
-Cleaned bathroom floor and my children
-Made B, L and D for all
-Reconnected with friend

And I might add more:
-Unloaded and loaded dishwasher
-Carried a laundry basket upstairs full of clean clothes
-Carried a laundry basket downstairs full of dirty clothes
-Played Thomas the Train and made up a very clever plot line
-Fed and watered cats and chickens
-Built a fort out of couch cushions
-Put living room back together after bedtime routine

Does this make sense? None of these things would ever appear on my morning to do list. And yet it is so satisfying to see it all written out at the end of the day. I'm not sitting idle. I know that for sure. But I rarely have had anything to show for my days. Until now. The Got Done list changes everything.

a potato bouquet

Our basement has limestone walls and an old cistern. The house dates back to the 1890's, and when you are in the basement, this is not hard to believe.

I went down there to find some onions and potatoes to bring up to the pantry and found this lovely bouquet, all happy to see me. Coming from a pampers diapers box were all sorts of potato shoots, looking for soil or light or someone just to notice them.

I noticed and brought the box upstairs to show Rory the last of his 2013 potato harvest. We laughed so hard! And now we are determined to eat every one of our 2014 potatoes before they grow eyes...and legs...and arms...

winter prep

Last week I turned into a little squirrel, getting everything all set for the first snow. Instead of gathering nuts and hiding them, I cleaned storage areas and organized them which is one of my very favorite things to do. I love organizing and sorting and giving things away and finding a system to keep items organized so that everything has a home. I hung a lot on the walls in the shed, sorted things by type and then made a few trips to good will.

And then I raked the lawn. I asked Rory if he would help and he said, "I won't, as a matter of principle. I don't agree with raking a yard this big. Becca, do you know what compost is? It is leaves and cut grass. People pay big money for it. I'll mow all of this in the spring, and call it compost."

Well. Apparently I still have a bit of "small yard" in my blood, because I could not let it go. The leaves were inches deep, and knowing the snow was coming the next day, I got to work. It's great cardio. I raked twice as many piles as pictured below, and then went around with a huge tarp, raked a few piles on the tarp at a time and dumped each tarp-load in the grove. I broke a sweat and felt quite accomplished when it was done.

And I did have some help. The cats liked to jump in the piles and tried many times to attack the rake. And the kids jumped from pile to pile, making them much less pile-like. I was relieved when they lost interest and went inside.

It feels so good to get everything tucked in and ready for winter. There was something that happens in my soul when I know all of the toys are out of the rock box, the strollers are in the pole barn for the season, the mower is safe in the shed, and the truck is pulled into the second stall. It's like pregnancy nesting, except instead of a baby this nesting leads to a really long winter. 

the first snowfall

We got about two inches, which clearly necessitated the use of the new tractor with snow plow implement. Rory announced our purchase of this kubota tractor over on his blog and we're pretty excited about it. It's the same tractor we've been able to use over the past two years, when we've needed it. Our good friends had it and used it mostly for snow removal in town. But he was looking for a covered cab, leaving this baby for sale. Rory has named it Kubota Tractor Groves.

On Sunday afternoon we realized we needed a home for Kubota so Rory went to Menards and bought the grey thing pictured below. It was supposed to go on the side of the house, but the land was too sloped there. So now we have this little beauty right on the side of our driveway, keeping sweet Kubota Tractor snug and dry. It also has become a favorite hang out for Ivar and Elsie, and the cat family. I have named this structure Functional Eyesore Groves. I am quite tempted to paint it red and trim it out in white.

But look at this happy, handsome man. He stayed up on Sunday night until 2 in the morning building this cozy shelter for his new baby. Welcome to the family Kubota Tractor and Functional Eyesore.

Family Meeting Agenda

Rory and I have added a weekly meeting into the mix, and folks, this is a game changer for us. Now that we have it, I have no idea how we were functioning without it. And actually, the answer is that we weren't really functioning! Too many things felt last minute, poorly planned and frustrated.

We started this at the beginning of October. We meet on Sunday afternoon when Elsie is napping and Ivar is having quiet play time. That is key. No kids are invited to our family meeting. One day when they are older, I'd love for them to be a part, but for now they are just too little. And this stuff is too important to wait to have our meeting after they go to bed at night. Rory and I are spent then, so we have to meet during the day.

We start by going over our Calendars. We look a month or two out going over big things that need to be discussed. We talk about things added to the calendar in the last week, or things we'd like to add. And we walk day by day through the week ahead. I keep a separate 'to do list' while we meet and Rory does too. We schedule in a date night if that feels needed and all the while I keep a running list of babysitter needs. For most of my motherhood I have been the mom who texts every girl in town with a 24 hour notice. I sound super desperate (because I am!) and it's embarrassing. This little part of the meeting has eliminated 90% of those desperate texts.

Then we talk about Projects we would like to see get done. THIS IS AMAZING. We used to bring these ideas up scattered throughout the week as we thought of them. And then weeks later we would be frustrated that no progress had been made. The first week we met I said I'd like curtains for our living room. Two weeks later, we had them hung because we were on the same page and had talked through why this was a priority. It only took us two years of living here and the two weeks of better communication to get it done!

We then talk about People in our lives we wish we saw more. And try to figure out how to see them. This takes intention! We realized quickly our life is way busier than we had thought. Because we have a running list but not a lot of open evenings. We want to change that.

Then it's General Concerns. Probably the most important part of the meeting. This is the time when something that happened during the week can come up, in a nice, civil, level-headed way. There was a Friday morning when I was on the phone for a good long while, contesting a bill with my doctors office. The kids were watching tv and Rory asked me, "what is the upper limit for tv watching for our kids?" Fresh off the phone with a crabby business lady at my obgyn, I flew off the handle at his question. "Upper Limit?!! However freakin long I want them to sit there so I can fight this bill!" That was my answer. But he really wanted to know. So we added this category to the Family Meeting Agenda. Because in the context of the family meeting, I don't have to get as defensive as I do in the moment. It's a fair question. We can talk about it like grown ups then.

Then it's on to Meal Planning. The best fix I have found to my lack of desire to ever do this on my own. With our calendars out we look at the week. If Rory is going to be gone we plan something very basic. If I am home all day, I plan a meal that involves more prep. If we have small group that night and bible study that morning we plan on having a frozen pizza. I write out our meal plan on a template I found online and I make the grocery list as we talk through menu items. Rory tells me what he's in the mood for, and I love the suggestions. And all week long I LOVE myself because there is a plan that has been thought out so that I don't have to think of something on the spot. It's amazing.

And finally we go over The Budget. And I'm not kidding that I pray before and after we talk through the budget. Because our budget conversations can get a little nit-picky. Rory asks me questions like, "do you remember what you bought at Target on 10/19 for $58.93?" And then he wants me to try to itemize what I bought. Oh Lord, I need you now. So we pray. I pray for patience. I pray thanksgiving for all that we have been given. I pray that we would always be wise with what God has given us. And then we talk through it and the whole time I know I have to pray after this conversation, so I better keep my words nice. And it works! (And I have started keeping an envelope in the jeep to hold my Target receipts so he can itemize to his hearts content.)

Overall Thoughts:
You know, every single business I have ever worked for has weekly meetings. How we were running a household without having one, with a set agenda, now blows my mind. We are running a machine here, keeping all the details of family life in order. And to have Rory's undivided attention for one hour, and for him to have mine, has made A WORLD of difference for us.

Maybe you already do this. Maybe you do something similar. But if you don't do anything, I cannot recommend it enough. I even wish Rory and I had started this before we had kids. The routine of it is just as important as the actual communication that happens. I now keep a little list on the calendar of things to bring up. And I know that when I bring it up on Sunday we will be in our right minds.

And the meetings are getting shorter. Our first two were long, because there was so much to cover. But now we're in a groove, and even going over the budget is a lot faster, because it's only been seven days since we looked at it last.

Hope this is helpful. Here's to many more happy family meetings!

while I'm thinking of it...

+I cannot stop eating the halloween candy in my house. I know I could get it out of my house to help with the temptation, but I can't do that either. Because I love candy.

+Ivar got the flu the night of halloween. At first we thought it was just too much candy, but eleven hours later he was done with the terrible part of the flu and still sad and sorry for himself. I was sad and sorry too because we had to cancel his party with 26 Groves and Harringtons coming to celebrate.

+Rory and I watched the six episodes of PBS's 2001 show Frontier House this weekend. It was great television and was so inspirational that Rory went out and bought our first ax.

+I have spent the week cleaning out the shed and have now moved on to the garage. The cold is coming and it feels good to get everything ready for winter.

+I went shopping on Monday night with my friends Melanie and Amanda and it was awesome. My criteria for this shopping trip was: warm and cozy. I got a lot of sweatshirts, sweaters and scarves. It is perfect mom attire.

+Rory and I have started holding a weekly family meeting, without the kids. This is worthy of its own blog post, as it has changed the running of our home entirely.

+And finally, a kid quote. I said, "Elsie, do you  have a poopie?" She said, "I have a diaperrhea!" (she didn't, but I thought the new word was funny.)

another happy halloween

We had a great Halloween. Ivar and Elsie completely understood the process and were great with their thank you's. We went to a college to trick or treat in the dorms and it was awesome...lots of doors to knock on, lots of candy and it was all inside.

Then we went down our street. I had emailed our neighbors, letting them know we'd be coming and they were ready! One commented that it had been ten years since they had a trick-or-treater come by. This is the part of halloween that I love the most: reconnecting with neighbors one last time before we all hibernate for the winter. One neighbor gave us a house tour, and two neighbors dressed up for our kids. Can you guess what Patsy was in the picture below?

A Lutheran Church Basement Lady! Hilarious. Complete with weak coffee, green jello and a church cookbook. Pretty awesome. :)

a happy shark

Grandma Margaret saved the day and we will now have a happy shark on halloween. My mom came over and helped me behead the costume, which ended up really doing a number on the body part of the shark so that she had to take it home and sew it back together for me. And at the last minute we added shoulder straps to keep the whole suit up. The legs are still inches too short, but he doesn't seem to mind. Mostly he just wanted to show Scooby-doo-whop, our little goldfish, that he was a fish too. A fish called a shark.

pictures of october

It's been a stunning fall. The trees, the weather, the pace of life. It's all been pretty awesome. Ivar is outside with his dump trucks and diggers moving dirt around like it's his job. Elsie likes to talk about all the big, round, orange 'kumpins' we have by our house. The cat family is either more snuggly, or my kids are more aggressive at snuggling but either way there is a lot of love between the cat family and the Groves family these days. Monday we were barefoot, walking the sandy beach of the river nearby. Yesterday we were bundled in winter gear moving from vehicle to building as quickly as possible. I believe the next season may be upon us...

the princess and the shark

A few weeks ago I was at a park with my friend Ali and we took turns going to the garage sale across the street. It was there, hanging in the tree, that I spotted these two costumes, each for a deal. I took them down off the branches and decided my halloween costume shopping was done. The kids would be a shark and a princess. They were thrilled and the anticipation has been building all month.

But today I had them try these costumes on. And even thought the shark costume says 3T and even though I thought Ivar might be able to squeeze his 4T (and sometimes 5T) self into this suit, it still was too small. And even though the princess dress looked tiny, at second glance it is actually a fairy costume, size 8. Since Elsie is a size 3T, this is problematic. It is supposed to be a short dress on a taller girl. Apparently I couldn't tell this when I saw it hanging in the tree.

Today we had a trial run of our costumes and it went down something like this. Ivar hates things that are tight. Or five inches too short, tight in the crotch and tugging his neck down to accommodate his body.

 
Elsie loves her dress, though it is hilarious. She is proud and walks like the beautiful girl she is. I figure I may have five solid years with this little costume. We might as well break it in now.

But Ivar is another story. I am not sure what we are going to do between now and Friday. He is set on being a shark. I'm wondering if I may have to decapitate the hood to make the tension between the legs and the neck a little less for this very angry shark. Whatever we end up doing on Friday, I am so glad I had my camera today.

minnesota love

For Sara and Lisa's birthdays this year I invited them out for a Barnwood Birthday Bash. I had no idea what we'd make, but knew we'd come up with something clever because these ladies are clever. Two days before they were to come and I still didn't know what we'd make until I saw this blog post by a new-to-me minnesota blog I'm following called apartment wife. It was there that Jennifer showed a picture of her own Minnesota with a heart and I finally had a plan. Because it was adorable. Thanks Jennifer!

And I'd like to include a special shout out to the guy at Menards who helped me find everything I needed for this project. I had both kids in the big basket of the cart and 20 minutes to find my supplies. I could tell the guy didn't enjoy helping me shop one bit, but I kept on enthusiastically with my list, "okay! now nails! where are they?!!" "And next, I need little metal things the size of my finger that will connect my wood with screws. The ones I saw on this blog I found this project on had holes in them..." He was happy to see me go.

We started out the morning pulling a bit of barnwood off our barn. Just the part that is falling down. And surprisingly, for how fragile the structure looks, the barnwood was hard to get off. Once we had our wood, we figured out how to use the circular saw. Which was awesome and empowering. We used safety sunglasses and were very careful of our fingers. Then we used the drill to screw in the metal things that held the boards together on the back side. Power tools are awesome.

Now back to Sara and Lisa. The best part of having these two ladies as my sister-in-laws is how inspirational they both are. They each live full, intentional, beautiful lives. I feel empowered when I'm with them and that is a sweet, sweet gift in this sisterhood.  I'm so glad we live so close to family in this lovely state of Minnesota.

happy birthday rory

rorysbday from Becca Groves on Vimeo.

I captured a little slice of our life today when we made this video for Rory's birthday. It has it all: silly potty talk, blueberries smooshed on Elsie's bottom and a smothering big brother.

Happy Birthday Rory. The best gift? Our sweet family.

a few thoughts for you on a Monday during nap time

+Pumpkins are my favorite. I loved watching them grow all summer long. I loved piling them high in the wheelbarrow when it was time to harvest. And I LOVE giving them away. People get happy about a pumpkin and it has led me to think we should make a bigger pumpkin patch next year. 

+We got to have my niece Mara here for an overnight this weekend. I have sort of one-upped myself each sleepover with her and Sonna and I knew I had to come up with something fun for us to do. So we drove to the fabric store and got all the stuff to make our own free hand hoop art. If you are on pinterest, you may have noticed I've been really excited about hoop art. Check out this page of inspiration. And as soon as it's done, I'll show you the sweet little beginner art I'm making. 

+A few months back we got cable. And I am here to confirm that even with hundreds of channels, there really is very little worth watching. But I started watching 19 kids and counting, the show about the Duggar family, and I love it. Michelle Duggar is so calm and thoughtful and to hear her reflect on her parenting feels like some sort of motherhood meditation for me. I reflect on my own mothering and am inspired by her family. Her first daughter is about to get married and it's really fun television.

+I recently ordered a book that I have been eyeing for a long time. It's by Lisa Jo Baker called Surprised by Motherhood. I have read Lisa Jo's blog off and on for a while and already knew I liked her mothering perspective, and this book has confirmed that even more. I am about half way through and feel like I would recommend it to everyone. A great read. (And I just found the promo trailer...watch this video until the end. It's so good.) 

+I speak at the women's bible study on Thursday and I'm super excited. I spent a few hours out in the cabin yesterday after church and studied the chapters I have been given to speak on. The fire was cracking next to me and I am so ready to share all that I learned. That's the fun part about speaking and teaching...God speaks and teaches me first and then /i just get to go and share His awesome, life-giving message. It's an honor, a privilege, a true responsibility and a huge joy.