"the moon is scared to me."

A few Ivar fears came out this week. As we were getting ready to go to a parade he came running into the garage and told me, "the moon is scared to me!" He wouldn't go out of the garage. I had to carry him to the car in the driveway with his head buried into my shoulder, hiding from the moon.

In the car we asked him why the moon was scared to him. He said it was moving. (Which is true since Ivar was moving and it kept following him.) And I think he didn't like that it was out in the daytime. He just doesn't trust a thing that comes out as it pleases and follows him wherever he goes. He's suspicious.

Then we went to the parade and he did not like the loud sirens on the fire trucks and police cars. But he didn't cry. He just pulled down his hat over his eyes.

And later, after he fell down I asked him if he was hurt. He said, "I am. I got hurt my feelings."

good mood food

I am tired a lot of the time. And since that's a terrible feeling, I started trying to find a remedy. I went to bed earlier, tried to get a shower in before the kids got up, added some new vitamins to the mix and even started drinking a cup of coffee every so often.

Then Rory, for reasons of his own, began to cut out as much sugar and carbs from his diet as he could. I didn't jump on his train and it was during those two weeks of his eating spinach salads and meat that I was so, so aware of how I medicate my exhaustion with sugar-starchy snacks. Like a bowl of cereal. Or a granola bar. Or a handful of chocolate chips. Or club crackers. And they're great in the moment, but leave me worse off than when I started.

So it dawned on me that I could do something about these sugar crashes, with hopes that it would help my energy too. I started trying to eat only energy-giving food. I read an awesome hippie-dippy article about how we should envision our bodies as fires. You would never feed a fire kindling (sugar and carbs) and expect it to last all day long. But throw a big log on that fire (protein, fiber) and that fire will stay a blazing a long, long time.

So now my question before I eat is: will this meal or snack give me long lasting energy?

It's a great question to ask and has helped dramatically improve my diet, my attitude (most days!) and my energy.

I was greatly inspired by Elise Blaha's post on what she ate with gestational diabetes. She had to test her blood sugar four times a day, and as Elise always seems to do, she made this annoyance seem like a great awesome opportunity to see what foods were best for her body. I read this post and thought it would be interesting to poke my finger and learn this too. Then I decided I didn't need to poke my finger. I could just monitor my own energy.

In her post she writes about the grain-free granola above. She wrote highly of it and so I gave it a try. And man it is so good. Rory likes it, my mom likes it, Ivar likes it and I love it. And it sort of bums me out that Ivar likes it because that kid is bottomless and eats a lot. But I'll get over it.

Anyway, I just wanted to share the link to this granola recipe. It's my new breakfast of choice and it's easy and so good, packed with protein and starts me out on the right foot. Elise recommends cutting the coconut oil down to just 1/3 cup and I agree. Also, I don't have a food processor or vitamix...I just buy the already chopped nuts in the baking aisle and crush the almonds up with a rolling pin like the olden days. And it works just fine. I keep the granola in the fridge to keep the oil solidified and eat it with milk in the mornings. Enjoy!

jealousy: a big, fat waste of life

A few weeks back I read Kelly Rae's blog who had just returned from an art retreat in Bali. Her pictures were magical, her stories were amazing and she gushed about how her awesome husband had insisted that she go, telling her that he would watch their two-year-old son for the nine days she was gone.

You can imagine my thoughts...why doesn't Rory insist that I go to Bali for nine days? Actually, why doesn't he insist that I go anywhere? Come to think of it, why the heck am I always stuck in this house with these two kids all the time?!!

This week it was a dear friend who took a much deserved eight day cruise with her husband. They left their little boy with grandparents and spent time holding hands, swimming with sea turtles and hiking around ancient Mayan ruins in Belize. I looked longingly at the pictures and wondered why we don't have an eight day cruise to Belize on the calendar.

It's so terrible isn't it? It's such a waste of emotion and energy. Before reading these posts I hadn't the slightest desire to go on a cruise or to Indonesia for crying out loud.

But jealousy snuck in. And it sucks. It's so destructive to a happy life.

The irony (and irony seems like too small of a word here, because it's more than ironic. it's rather tragic) is that I, too, am posting pictures and writing stories. And almost weekly I am told, "you are living our dream. we want to do what you're doing so badly."

One friend even told me that it's hard to see our pictures because she gets a little jealous.

Well crud.

When people tell this to my face I am quick to tell a bit of the behind the scenes, the stories that never get told or posted. How most of the time it is just Rory out in the garden and I'm watching from the little windows. How he wishes I could be more of a partner out in that garden, but how my part of the partnership has to be more related to the kids and the house and the meals.

Sometimes my part of the partnership makes me a little crazy. Obviously I adore my kids. I love our home and I feel so grateful for the little life we are beginning on this sweet little hobby farm. But show me a picture of Bali and Belize and I go a little bonkers.

So I've been thinking about this lately. All of this social media stuff is still so spanking new, and we have no idea how it affects us. Except that I think we actually do. The pro side says that sometimes it can inspire us to be more creative with our days. My favorite blogs actually do that. But then there are other times when that jealousy monster creeps into my heart and this farm and farmhouse and simple life I am leading looks like the enemy. And that's ludicrous.

Does anyone else do this to themselves? How do you deal with these feelings of jealousy?

Because when I look at my own life, the one God has put in front of me, I have nothing to be jealous of and everything for which to be grateful.

That same Kelly Rae who went to Bali, posted today that she is moving into a new art studio with friends. She had moved into a studio a year ago by herself but it was lonely. She wrote that she was able to make the move after such a short amount of time in her last space, "because I believe nothing is permanent and we can create what we most need."

Those words shook me out of it a bit and in the end I'm neither going to Bali or Belize. But I did call and get a babysitter for the next three Thursday nights so I can go to the movies with my husband. And that feels like a great step in the right direction.

Take that jealousy, you joy sucking loser.

our first strawberry

So far our little strawberry patch has gone unnoticed by the bunnies, bugs and birds in our area. But there is one pest who is hard to keep away. He joyfully picks the green and white strawberries and proudly tells us about what he has found and what is now cupped in his hand: a strawbally!

It made us wonder if we would ever get to eat a red strawberry. They hardly stand a chance. 

But after lots of coaching and talks of patience and waiting, we finally got to eat our first red strawberry. And we made a big deal of it. 

We split the strawberry four ways. Ivar took the first bite, then Mama, Dado and finally baby Elsie sucked on it for a long time. Then Ivar finished it off. (that makes it sound like it was a big berry. It wasn't.)

But it was one very celebrated strawberry. 

And now, I'd love to invite you to come on over to The Soul Sisterhood where I have my second post on Living your Life as a Great Story. We're not quite writing in our journals yet, so today I am simply introducing everyone to one of my very favorite life stories, my friend Banana Man.  

some sunshine for another gloomy day

The peaches at Cub Foods right now are so good that you probably want to stop whatever you are doing and go and buy eleven of them.

I bought three last night and ate two dripping over the kitchen sink. Rory ate the other and now we are heading back to get more. They're that good.

a card from my aunt annie

My mom brought over my baby book this week and this card from my Aunt Annie was in there. It reads:

Dear Becca,
It was fun to see you and the rest of your family at the Birthday Party. You looked so nice (and much older) in your new hair cut and stone washed jeans. It's fun watching you grow up.

I also noticed another way you are growing. When you were playing with Libby and Mikey you were very kind and caring. You thought about how they might be feeling and tried to make them feel included. At the same time you were gentle and patient- you let them get to know you slowly. The way you acted showed you are growing up on the inside- you are letting your little gospel light shine. I could see you love Jesus. Seeing this made me happy. You are a very special loving girl Becca.

You are lucky to have Annika as a big sister role model. I've seen these same qualities in her as she's growing up. 

Growing up on the inside and loving Jesus more and more is the most important thing. I'm so glad you are growing on the inside. 

I love you Becca
Aunt Annie

***

I don't know what year it was when she sent this...the stone washed jeans make me think early 90's probably. But when I read it this week I was so grateful to have had her point this out so clearly for me. And I needed the reminder and the words of affirmation this week as much as the day I was wearing those stone washed jeans.

So here's an idea for this first weekend of summer. Lots of kids just wrapped up the school year. How about we write some Aunt Annie letters, pointing out how we see the little gospel light shining in their young lives. They may need to hear those words right now. Or maybe they'll need to hear those words again when they're 32.

links for you

It's been a long week here. The sun keeps going away for long stretches at a time and I feel as dreary as the day. But I am thinking a lot about big things lately. I don't feel like I have much to say yet, so until then, here are four links that have been huge blessings to me this week.

This helped me so much, changing my perspective on finding our calling.
I love this thought on goodness and mercy.
A great piece on making small changes.
This made me laugh.

the racecart

This weekend Elsie joined her brother in the racecart at Menards and she was so, so proud.

In other news, if you look below this post, you'll see my awesome husband has added the buttons so you can share a picture or a post on your facebook, twitter or pinterest. And, you can hover over an image and pin that image directly to your pinterest page. How fun is that?!!

the soul sisterhood

My friend Amanda works as the middle school youth director at her church. A few years ago she created the Soul Sisterhood Retreats, weekend or week-long camps for girls. They focus on cooking, sewing, crafting, journaling, building deep friendships with one another and to be empowered in their unique identity in Jesus.

The retreats are intentionally small in size...limited to only 15-20 girls per camp. There is a camp grandma who is there simply to love the girls. There is a camp cook who helps the girls make and bake all the goodies they will eat all week. The counselors are just a bit older than the girls and there to serve as mentors and role models. The camps meet at a farmhouse just outside of the cities. Elsie and I get to help lead a Mother-Daughter retreat in August. We are very excited.

This summer I am going to be guest posting on The Soul Sisterhood's blog. I will be walking through a journaling process as we look at our own lives as if they were the pages in a really good book. What is the climax we are working towards? Who are the supporting characters in our lives who are actually supportive? Are there plot lines we need to walk away from, is there something else we are being called towards?

I would love for you to join us this summer in walking through this writing process. The blog is geared towards tweens and teens but readers of all ages are welcome. So come on over!  Click here to join in the Soul Sisterhood summer series: Living your Life as a Great Story. Your first assignment awaits you!

ivar quotes

I walked into Ivar's dark room this morning and he told me from his crib, "Mama, turn on my curtains."

Later Rory was asking Elsie, "Can you say dada? Dadadadada" And Ivar looked at Rory, "No. She can't."

And finally, as I got ready to change a diaper for Ivar he told me, "It's a real big stink bomber."
And it was.

May reflections/ toddlers and gardens

Oh man, what a month. Remember the foot of snow we got at the beginning of this month? How bizarre. Followed by one of the rainiest springs ever. The field by our house hasn't even been touched yet. It has been a terrible and sad year for farming.

For us, this rainy weather means that every single sunny minute is reason to get the kids outside. We have been celebrating each lovely day, had a few picnics already and are soaking up all of the green that surrounds us. I said to Ivar recently, "Remember the snow? Now it's all green!" He replied sing song, "Ohhhhh."

A few reflections from the month of May 2013:

Elsie is a toddler.
This is huge. Ivar didn't walk until 18 months, so I wasn't ready for Elsie to become so able so quickly. But a lot has changed in the last week. She now can pull herself up to a standing position on the couch and in her crib. She's done with her exersaucer, johnny jump up, rumble buns, baby gym and everything else that meant we had a baby in the house. At the moment she is playing all by herself in the living room. I can hear her talking and laughing and making loud noises. She is a joy.

The attic crawl space is a bonus storage room.
I have been nervous to use this space because we can hear mice in the ceiling sometimes. But I have reconciled that this is what Rubbermaid's were made for and as long as it is in a sealed tub, we should be good to go. So all of the baby gear and baby clothes and Ivar clothes and maternity clothes have moved into this space which has made a whole lot more room for tools and garden stuff out in the garage.

Our garden is going to be awesome. 
Rory is at it again. This garden is going to amaze and I can't wait. My Aunt Louie told me that she doesn't plan a single thing the whole month of September because that is canning month at her house. I took note of that. As I watch Rory's garden grow I am well aware that the work he is putting in on the front end will be my work on the back end and I'm ready for that. I am currently checking out lots of books from the library with canning recipes. I am especially excited about a recipe for a pickled veggie mix you put on Italian sandwiches. Anyone have a favorite canning recipe?

kittens!

We have been trying to get some outdoor cats for a while now. Strangely, this has been hard to do. If you get cats from the Humane Society they have to be indoor. But we need outdoor mousers. 

Our neighbor girls told us earlier this spring that their grandma had a cat who was pregnant, and yesterday we got to see the little kittens. They still need to be with their mama for quite a while longer, but then we're hoping to bring two of these sweet fluffs to our house. Kittens are so cute!

a fence for the chickens

We had a few hysterical moments trying to get the chickens back in their coop when we had to leave to go somewhere. These birds are fast and they are big and they can turn on a dime. So Rory built the fence and now they can be in and out all day long, and when the sun goes down we go out and close the door to the coop, keeping them safe and sound throughout the night.

They seem to like the set up and spend lots of time going up and down the chicken run. Or hanging out at the door.

Ivar visits the chickens many times a day, bringing them lots of snacks. He gave them carrots and snow peas and those remain right where they landed. But the bread and cheerios were better received.

The chickens continue to grow. And now we're waiting for a cock-a-doodle-doo. I hope that doesn't happen too soon. I do love these birds.

a weekend at Mount Carmel

                   IvarTalentShow from Becca Groves on Vimeo.

We got to go to Mount Carmel this weekend to celebrate the camp's 75th Anniversary. It was a perfect weekend, full of lots of old friends and now some new ones.

There was a time for telling stories, the annual meeting, worship and a program where we walked through the camp's history. They played audio of Grandma Bredberg telling of her favorite parts of camp. My mom told some awesome stories and then I spoke too. It was a neat way to get a feel for all of the generations who have loved this place so well.

But the coolest part of the weekend for me was watching Mount Carmel become Ivar's second home. He started to run around like he owned the place and even made some new friends that were often looking for him and he was always looking for them. Three brothers, Sam, Jacob and Joshua were all much older than Ivar, but they were so good to him. Sam even wrote Ivar a silly song on his guitar about Ivar's chickens who say Bagok Bagok.

On Saturday night they held a talent show and I decided to sign the kids up. First Elsie came up and showed everyone her talent: crawling across the stage. It was pretty great. And then Ivar came up. I knew we had a 50/50 chance that he would decide not to sing, but felt our odds were better with Sam up there for support. And sure enough, he sang every word.

The little red book in his hands is the New Testament, a gift from his Papa Groves. He loves that little Bible and I have found him many times sitting at his little table and chairs in his room, flipping through the pages even though there are no pictures. For a while I was hanging onto it for safe keeping...a good lesson for me! He knows what the Bible says!

rainy weekend

It is supposed to rain some more this weekend, and I believe he may be the only tractor driver around who will be okay with that. It's getting terribly late to get the corn in, and the rains just keep coming.

blooming spring

This is our first springtime at our new house and it has been so fun to see what pops up. It's all a surprise. We had no idea those tulips under the coop were there when we first set the coop in place. I felt bad for them, assuming they wouldn't survive, but they seem to love it under the coop. The yellow tulips shot up in the middle of the yard, with a few purple ones nearby. And I am so glad to still have lilacs. That was one of my favorite parts of our yard in Minneapolis. I love that smell more than anything.

But of all the flowers, the ones that are delighted in the most are "The Dandylands!"

the day to day

Yesterday I spent much of the day with my new wheelbarrow. I adore it. It is the tool that has turned me from a nagging wife ("will you please move that pile?!!) into an empowered wife ("I can move that pile!"). I spent the day moving tires, cement block, and removing rocks out of the field. And as I hauled the HEAVY rocks back and forth, I realized that this sort of less impressive work won't make the blog, but it should. Because it is more "normal life" than rainbow cakes. The trouble is that there is no real great picture of a field before and after picking out the rocks. You wouldn't be able to tell much of a change. But I can. And I decided it is worth writing about because it is as much a part of our day to day as everything else.

My other task yesterday was to clean the downstairs bathroom now that the chickens are in their coop. It took me three hours. Every single surface had to be scrubbed down.

When I was done Rory was so impressed he said we should go out to dinner. Instead, I took a rain check and told him we had to mow the lawn. It was embarrassing how long it was. It blew like prairie grass in the wind. So we fired up the riding lawn mower and I drove myself in circles for an hour. And then Rory took over and zoomed around the trees.

Today we are tackling the garage, and planting a few more hostas around the shed. And Ivar is going to keep sweeping the grass. Because that obviously needs to be done too.

how God speaks to us

Sunday was a precious day for me, and one that I don't want to forget. Our nephew, Kirby, was baptized and we went back to our former church for the morning. 

During the sermon, Pastor Strandquist told a story of Jesuit priest Father John Kavanaugh who went to work for a season at The House of the Dying in Calcutta. He wanted to know how best to spend the rest of his life.

On his first morning, he met Mother Teresa and she asked, "What can I do for you?" Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him. "And what do you want me to pray for?" she asked. He expressed the deepest desire of his heart: "Pray that I have clarity."

She said firmly, "No, I will not do that." Kavanaugh was taken aback. Mother Teresa continued, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of. " When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God."

We celebrated Kirby's baptism with a big family meal and then Sara, Kirby's mom, stood and read the blessings and hopes we had written for Kirby and sent to her the week before. The hopes and prayers for this boy were so empowering. I got so excited to get to watch him run the race. And it made me excited to keep running my own. 

Then Sara told of how she and Kirby had been talking the day before about his baptism and why he wanted to be baptized. Kirby had mentioned that he felt like it was the next right step for him, that he wanted to know God more and that he was looking for clarity in what God would have for him.

Sara told this and then commented on the goodness of God to answer his question so quickly, especially on the day of his baptism, through the sermon we had just heard at church. She said, "that is how God speaks to us, and I don't want you to miss that. Sometimes I ask questions to God and it might be weeks or months, maybe years before I hear a word. But God hears me and he is faithful to respond. You asked for something on Saturday and God spoke to you through the sermon on Sunday." 

She was talking to Kirby, but I sat back and remembered this truth for myself. It was a remarkable lesson on the beauty of a faithful walk with the Lord, and how He wants to be in conversation with us. 

Kirby stood up and said how much he loves his family and how special the day was for him and then he said, "Trust is my Clarity!" 

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

And to take Him at His Word;

Just to rest upon His promise,

And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!

How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!

O for grace to trust Him more.

the kind of mom I was today

The kids woke up very early today. Looked at the clock and I felt like a very tired mom.

It took Ivar and me forever to get ourselves organized enough to get out the door. I wanted to move fast, Ivar wanted to move slow. I was a frustrated mom.

I enjoyed the drive to the garage sale we were going to. A pretty country drive with lots of cows and tractors. We even got to watch a train go by and Ivar kept telling me he "liked this adventure." I felt like a grateful mom.

I realized I forgot to get cash. I felt like an absent minded mom.

Went to Cub to buy bananas and to get $40 cash back. I felt like a resourceful mom.

But for the life of me I could not remember my pin. I felt like an idiot mom.

Got to the parking lot and remembered my pin. Went to Bank of the West and gladly paid the $3 additional charge to get my $40 out of the machine. Went to the garage sale and bought tons of clothes for Ivar, books, two dvd's, four tops for me, two pairs of shoes for Ivar, a Thomas the train set for next Christmas and a large cookie monster all for thirty six bucks. Felt like a thrifty mom. Which made me feel like a happy mom.

Returned to the car and couldn't find my phone. Knew I must have set it down at one of the three garage sales we had visited. Felt like an annoyed mom.

Had a lady call my phone, watched another confused lady walk out of a garage looking around and heard my friend call to me, "is this your phone?" Felt like a relieved mom.

Decided we needed lunch before we drove home and got us each a hamburger with extra pickles and a bag of three cookies from McDonalds. The cookies were for Cookie Monster. And I felt like the best, most clever mom in America.

Started our drive home and looked at the clock in the car realizing it was only noon. And I felt like a tired mom.

the chickens are outside!

Elsie delights in the chickens. They make her laugh, they hold her attention and basically we can set her near them and they serve as six little babysitters, scurrying about to keep her content.

The thing that surprises me most about the chickens is how pet-like they are. If they hear my voice, all six come running to me what are you up to? oh you're going over here. we'll come too. so you're painting the trim on the shed. alright. oh careful not to step on us. here, we'll just stand on your feet while you paint. it looks real nice. we like you. a lot. glad you came outside again. 

They are much more like mammals than birds, in this way. And I can see how people can quickly become crazy chicken ladies. I believe I am well on my way.