a work in progress

Today I got out a tiny 3x5 canvas frame and made the background above with tissue paper and modge podge. This picture makes it seem a lot bigger than it is. But it's tiny. I am planning on putting a little song bird on top of it all, but Rory is very concerned I'll ruin it, and would like me to keep it just the way is. Not sure what it has to do with hearts, but it was crafty. 

But if we're talking little hearts, today I did make my next ob appointments and I now have the dates for our next heartbeat appointment and...the ultrasound!

Naturally, I got out some fun paper and made a chain with 49 loops, counting down until the day they goop my belly and we get to see the baby growing inside. Now if that isn't a project fit for hearts-and-crafts week, I don't know what is. Paper loops and staples all marking the time until we see the little life inside of me pumping its own beating heart.

heart wreath

Yesterday was a great start to hearts-and-crafts week. Two things that helped this: I have a bad cold which means we're not doing anything other than laying low at home. And the tv is off. That really helps in the productivity department. Oh, and one more...pinterest. I have ideas unending after a look around the valentine craft ideas on this site. But I am treating pinterest like a new addictive drugs. I can tell if I get to close, I might get sucked in and never come out. So for now, I'm just browsing. Not participating with my own page. But talk about a kid in a candy shop. Wow.

I found this wreath idea through pinterest on this site. Adorable, easy, and would have gotten done a lot more quickly if I didn't have a one-year-old crushing my hearts as I made them. Crafting with Ivar is a whole new experience, but he loves it. Loves the paper cutter, loves the stapler, loves the ribbon. It's all new and he's so interested in my toys. I don't blame him. They're fun toys.

pink play dough

The more I need a nap, the more Ivar refuses to lay his head down. We fought over this one for quite some time this afternoon. I am in the middle of a head cold that makes my face weight 100 pounds. I really could have used a nice long nap, but Ivar wasn't feeling it. So we got back up after a very, very long battle of the wills.

Lucky for me, I had thought about making play dough as one of my projects this week. So I got out of bed, put Ivar in the living room with some toys and made some play dough.

For me.

I have thought about this a lot lately. How hard I work to be sure Ivar learns to play, interact, develop, keep his routine. And I've been wondering how I can ensure that I still make time to play, interact, develop and keep a routine. I decided that I need more just-mama play dates.

And I decided that I need more playtime for myself. Hence Heart-and-craft Week...and the pink play dough I made just for myself to knead, to roll out, to cut into hearts. I squished, pounded, rolled it into snakes, rolled it into balls, made it into pizzas and ice cream cones. And it felt so good to play. Only trouble is that now I have a hankerin for rolled sugar cookies in the shape of hearts. (Remember these beauties?) That might have to be added to the list for heart-and-craft week.

**Here's my mom's recipe for play dough. It makes silky, lovely play dough that is easier to clean up than the store-bought kind. I have come to find that people are very partial to their particular play dough recipe. Sort of like all the varieties of chili out there, usually you like your mom's the best. I swear by this stuff, but to each her own.

2 cups flour

1 cup salt

4 tsp. cream of tartar

2 cups water (with food coloring added to the water)

2 Tablespoons vegetable oil

In a saucepan mix flour, salt and cream of tartar.

Add colored water and oil.

Place over medium heat. Stir constantly for several minutes. (It gets heavy! It's hard to stir!)

It will begin to separate from the pan and become more dough-like and look like a lump of mashed potatoes.

Remove from heat and knead with hands. Store in an airtight container.

love rocks

I didn't blog very much last week. And that was mostly because two of the three projects I wrote about on Monday's post were sort of coming to a head. I think all of my creative juices were pouring into those two things.

But now that they're in a less demanding stage, I started thinking about fun things to do with my days ahead. This pregnancy has had me down in the dumps in many ways, creatively, physically, emotionally... But I just stepped into second trimester and with all my heart I am hoping for a new season ahead.

So I decided to be really proactive about this next trimester. I thought about what I could do that would feed my soul, bring me back to the Becca I enjoy. And I came up with two solutions. #1 Unplug the tv for a week. This feels extreme because the amount of television I watched during first trimester was extreme. But I have hit my limit of the barefoot contessa, throwdown with bobby flay, income property, designed to sell and house hunters international. (I am not, however, sick of The Bachelor. And this will be a sacrifice this week. I get more enjoyment out of that amoral show than should be allowed.)

The second plan of attack this week is to make something crafty each day. Super simple is key. Something that might even be done in under 20 minutes. This morning I got out the modge podge and made these love rocks. Ivar loved playing with my fabric scraps and the rocks, I loved using my fabric scissors again and I am hopeful that tiny, little, small projects might just be what is needed to get my normal back to normal.

So get ready for a week of hearts and pink and purple and scissors and glue. I'm excited to play!

our huge church turned tiny

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You know when you invite a friend to church how hard it is to sit back and enjoy the service? I have had this experience so many times, praying for a good sermon, wishing the special music was more special, critiquing how long the announcements drag on. When you bring a friend to church, you want momentum. You want everyone’s best foot forward. You want the spirit to show up.


When I was growing up we called an exceptionally powerful service “a real barn burner.” It doesn’t quite translate from sports because it’s not like it was “a close game” but more that it was “an exciting service.” If I thought Dad’s sermon was above average and if the choir sang something amazing and if the Spirit was felt I’d tell my dad, “Now that was a real barn burner this morning.”

You can feel it when everything comes together.

We had a real barn burner service at Cedar Valley this morning. The whole time I was wishing I had invited every single person I know.

The worship songs were powerful, the preaching was spot on and exactly what a sermon should be. But the thing that made this service come to life was that our huge church turned tiny for a few moments in the middle. It felt like an intimate family, all thousand plus of us gathered.

I don’t think I’ve written about this before, but we are in a life group with good friends Scott and Emily. Emily announced she was pregnant right about the time Ivar was born and sometime before Christmas last year they had their first ultrasound. It was discovered that their little baby boy had his heart, liver and most of his intestines growing on the outside of this body.

Prayers and tears and hope filled lots of conversations until we got a text one night in May that Emily was going into labor. Calvin was born almost full term and for 7 ½ months lived in the ICU as doctors tried to graft new skin, stretch existing skin, and make life possible before they were able to take him home with the help of 24 hour home healthcare.

This morning at church Calvin was dedicated.

It was the very first time Rory and I have seen him in person. With the risk of germs and disease, they are obviously quite strict about who can see him. But this morning we saw Calvin with his sweet cheeks and bright eyes. We saw a living, breathing miracle. His whole life is a testimony, with two parents who have faithfully prayed for their son and a church who has rallied behind them as they walk this unimaginable road.

Calvin was dedicated and then had to leave through the back door, back to his own car to his own home. Away from all of the coughs and colds that came along with us to worship.

Then the youth pastor came up and announced that he and his wife have taken a call to a new church in Mesa. This youth pastor is beloved at our church and this was a real blow. He and his wife cried as they made the announcement and thanked this church for being their home, thanked the senior pastor for being his spiritual mentor, thanked the pastor‘s wife for the love and care she has shown their family. It was heartfelt and left you grateful for a whole multitude of things, namely the gifts these two have shared with the church and that God continues to call and lead and direct all of our steps.

And finally, Pastor Roger then took the microphone after the youth pastor sat down and announced that he was diagnosed with cancer of the kidney this week and was asking for prayer. Pastor Jerry invited all who are in need of healing to come to the altar to be anointed with oil and for prayer. Almost 100 people stood up and walked forward. The woman in front of us stood, and suddenly I realized her wig. And how frail she was. And the sadness in her husband’s face. They walked forward and I wondered how it was that I had just greeted them before church and didn’t have the eyes to see any of that. But suddenly with the holiness that had entered our church, I could see.

These three moments, one after the other, were overwhelming. Baby Calvin, Youth Pastor Jesse and Pastor Roger all brought their broken-in-need-of-a-savior-selves before the church and the church in turn reflected all of our broken-and-in-need-of-a-savior-selves right back.

Only the Holy Spirit can bring that sort of vulnerable power into a room. Only Jesus can save all of us gathered. Only God can heal our brokenness and hurting hearts.

It was a real barn burner.

beautiful boundaries

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I was asked by my home congregation to lead five nights of confirmation, all centered on meeting God in creative journaling, free writing, art and imagination. It was the perfect invitation. I got super excited about it and 24 hours later called the youth director and said I couldn’t commit.

The next day I was asked to lead one morning of a women’s bible study at my current church. I was honored, got super excited, and in the end turned this invitation down too.

Around this same time I was asked to head up the decorations for a huge kids banquet at our church. I was thrilled at the thought. And then I said no.

Here’s the thing. I rarely say no. I’m a pretty obedient Yes Girl. But before these invitations arrived, I had mapped out three large projects I wanted to tackle in the new year. Projects that are often put on the back burner, but require some time and energy and I want to see them through.

So I said no to three incredible invitations. Even writing each of them out made my heart sink a little. They were hard to turn down.

All of those invitations came in November and December but now it is in January that I am feeling the relief of not having over committed. I’m not sure I’ve ever known this sweet feeling before. I’m so grateful for boundaries!

So this is just a post to remind you, it’s okay to say no. Even to good things. It’s important to still listen for where God is calling you, but sometimes I think God is calling you to still waters. And clearing my life a bit with some foresighted no’s in December has made for a really lovely January.

when did this happen?!!

Ivar is changing before my very eyes into the beginnings of a very little boy. I see it in his face and it catches me off guard. His teeth, his parroting words, his personal will, his happy dancing, his conversational babble, his joy...little signs of all that is to come, living life with this little guy.

I read two great pieces on motherhood recently and wanted to pass them along for a bit of weekend reading. The first went viral on facebook and you may very well have read it already.

It's called Don't Carpe Diem. It's got some good, honest stuff to say and I really appreciated what it had to say about kairos time versus chronos time. I think about this often now.

The second blog post I wanted to share is called This Big Sister's Advice. And it's sweet and tender and a good reminder of what this whole mamahood gig is all about.

Along those lines, on Tuesday I joined a mom's group at my church for Bible study. It was the best thing ever. I told Rory it felt like empowerment therapy. We shared a lot, but it wasn't a commiseration fest either. I left inspired, ready to live out my call as a mom with a second wind.

If you are a young mom and not a part of a mom's group of any sort, I beg you to start looking for something similar in your area. I know MOPS has a great reputation (your children don't have to be in preschool!). And I would hope most churches have something similar. It is so necessary. I am building friendships with ladies who are so easily able to relate, and there could be nothing better. So check out a local church, the MOPS website, community centers in your area...just find a group of girls and walk this road together.

clean house

I like to keep a tidy house. But Ivar and his many toys seem to have taken over. Some days I can handle this, but after days of feeling too sick to clean up after the boy, our house went to pot.

(What does that saying mean? Like pot the drug? Or a pot for plants? Why does the word pot looks so weird right now?)

Anyway. I read a super inspiring blog post about putting all the toys and books together and making three piles, one to keep out, one for short term storage and one for long term storage. (I'd like to say there was a pile for good will, but the kid is one and it's hard to throw anything knowing another is on its way.) The part of this plan I loved the most was the short term storage. I got a huge rubbermaid and filled it up with great toys, but toys that have many pieces, toys that seem to spread all over the house.

And now, the plan is to swap out a new toy each day. (Though so far, he is totally entertained by the few toys I left out.) He has one train set in the living room and his bedroom cleans up in a jiffy.

(What is a jiffy?)

Here's the crazy part that I want to share. Ivar plays for longer stretches of time now, with fewer toys. He found a tennis ball tube that he fills with trains and then dumps out and then fills again and dumps out. This was all out before, but now it's the only stuff out. And he stays focused longer.

I'd say I put away 60% of his stuff. And we now have a less cluttered home. And our son occupies himself for longer stretches of time.

That is a win win.

the nuts and bolts of my Kitchen Table

Within the last week, I have had a meal on the table six out of the seven nights. One of those nights Rory put the food on, and another night I was too sick to make anything and getting myself to the table wasn’t really an option.

I’d say a really solid start.

After a week I have a few plans that I hope to stick by:
1. Meal is on the table by 5. This is so early, I know. And yet we eat lunch around 11 at this house and by five there are three hungry bellies to be filled. We started out at 5:30, but Ivar wouldn’t have it. So we moved up our suppertime.

2. I keep my laptop off of the table now. The kitchen table is no longer able to be the catch-all place. I try to keep it relatively clear throughout the day. This helps when it's time to set it and fill it with food.

3. The meal doesn’t have to be homemade. Hopefully one thing on the table is, but there just needs to be a meal on the plate. That’s the goal. The night Rory cooked we had sausage, eggos and strawberry's. It was very nice.

4. Coborn’s Delivers. More on this another time, but let me tell you, I adore this service. After a terrible experience involving me and Cub and a gagging spell and hitting a wall of exhaustion so hard I thought I’d curl up under my cart in the cereal aisle, I decided to look into this grocery delivery service. We’ve had four deliveries so far and all I can say is that it still feels too good to be true.

5. My four week meal menu. I have had so many people contact me with great meal planning ideas, great recipe websites, even their own excel spreadsheets (thanks Marie!). I find much comfort knowing that lots of others need a system for meal prep too. I listed out all of the meals our family enjoys and set up a weekly calendar with a food-type for each day the week. So far, week one was a complete success. We're now on to week two. I'm not strict about what we eat each day, but this calendar is so helpful as a place to start! (On a few days I use the slash to list two different options, one that might take more time along with an easier option.)

So that’s the plan. I’m sure I’ll modify it as we go along, but until then, I’m so happy to be feeding my family!

our little israelite

Ivar has learned two new words this week: more and banana, which he pronounces, "nana"

But today he morphed the two words together and now, when he wants more food, he yells from his high chair, "Manna! Manna!"

And you know, food always shows up on his tray. Like it just rained down from the sky.

creative juices are flowing again!

I have been blog browsing lately. A dangerous pastime that usually ends up in a lot of time passing me by. But I have been feeling a little burst of creativity lately, and that feels really, really good. At this point I'm just taking in a lot of ideas, not sure where I'll begin. But in the process of surfing I found one new site that I ADORE. Can't get enough.

Check out Modern Parents, Messy Kids. The pictures above are from that site. The page I am linking to is all sorts of fun projects to do with kids. Makes me want to get crafty again so badly. It has been so long!

Second, this site called Organic Families was up on my computer when I sat down tonight. I think Rory must have been looking something up for his garden, but I love this post I'm linking too. A system for teaching your kids how to pick up after themselves. It's pretty brilliant.

And finally, I stumbled upon Cluck, Cluck, Sew and have been bitten by the quilt bug. Actually, it bit really hard this time. I've already been to two speciality fabric stores and am cleaning the table in the basement so I can set up shop down there. Can't wait to try my hand at a little wall quilt.

And you? Have you been inspired lately?

a little heartbeat

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A life has been growing in me for the past 12 weeks.
Sometimes I forget this. I don’t forget that I’m not feeling well, but I do forget that the reason I feel crummy is because a little heart is beating in me and fingers are separating and eye sockets are forming and reflexes are starting to develop.

With Ivar I was so aware of every new change happening inside. I daydreamed and wondered and sat in awe of all that was to come.

Now, with a one year old to chase, this pregnancy continues to take me by surprise. Like yesterday, Rory and I sat at my obgyn and they gooped up my belly and we heard a steady, strong heartbeat. It was as joyous as seeing my positive pregnancy test. Sort of surprised me in the same way. That’s right! We are having another baby!

So to all of the baby #2’s out there who fear you were sort of lost in the shuffle. You may very well have been. The second is totally different than the first, even 12 weeks in. But the joy is the same. And the anticipation and excitement when it does come, is very, very real.

Best of all baby-to-be, you have a big brother who never forgets you are coming. Every time I get Ivar out of his crib, he reaches for my shirt, lifts it up, sticks his finger in my belly button and says, “baby.” I am pretty sure he thinks belly buttons are called babies but I’m not going to correct him anytime soon. It’s the best reminder that life is growing, a brand new heart is pumping and we have a little life working really hard inside of me getting all set to join our family.

my kitchen table theme song

Sara wrote this song while doing the dishes. The song is about all of the daily tasks to be done, only to be undone and then done again the next day. Setting up the Pins is about deciding to either resent those tasks or embrace them. "You can find joy in the fertile ground" is the line that rings true for me.

I adore this video. Though you'll note Rory and I are the only family members missing for the family supper. We lived in Omaha and couldn't get back. But just know a little part of me dies every time I see it. #1 because I missed my opportunity to be in a music video and #2 because...well, I missed my opportunity to be in a music video.

It makes me grateful we live in Minnesota again. And are available for music videos.




And if you have a minute be sure to watch this video too. It's great storytelling and song writing.

Okay, I just keep coming across more good Sara video's on Youtube. Be sure to watch this one too.

my 2012 word for the year

What on earth? Will someone please tell her that’s actually two words?!! And that the one little word isn't supposed to be a noun? ‘Kitchen Table’ is ridiculous.


Well, you could tell me that. 

And I could have chosen two other words that probably would have made more sense to the one little word club. I thought about intention. As in 'intention to get a meal on that table each night.’ And I thought about the word gather, as in ‘gather round family, its 5:30 and I’ve got something real tasty for you to eat.’

But intention and gather felt too flowery for me this year. Too schmaltzy, if you will. This isn’t about pretty sounding words and high hopes. This is about meat and potatoes. It’s about the practicalities of getting a routine in my life so that grocery shopping isn’t a mystifying experience every week. It’s about planning and preparation so that I am not begrudgingly trying to guess what I should make for supper every single day. And it’s about peace of mind knowing that the days of eating in front of the tv are over, Ivar is old enough to sit through a meal with us and that the time we gather and talk and break bread at the kitchen table is perhaps the most sacred time in our day.

Now to be fair, it's not like we never eat at the table. We probably do 3 or 4 times a week. But this new plan has as much to do with my attitude about the daily task of putting something on that table as it does getting us all there. My plan with Kitchen Table is to up that number of nights per week and to up my attitude about filling that table with good things to eat. (Rory has already said he'll take a night.)

So the word is Kitchen Table. As in, I’m going to clear the table and set the table. Sometimes I might even have a centerpiece. A lit candle seems like a good idea. I am going to meal plan, organize my grocery list and think about the next night’s supper and what needs to thaw overnight. And then, at 5:30, I’m going to call my family to the kitchen table and we’re gonna thank God for the sloppy joes before us.

thoughts on my 2011 one little word: try

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When I was seven months pregnant with Ivar, Rory and I spent a week at Mount Carmel for family camp. We were sitting at a table in the dining hall that looked over the lake and my friends Amanda and Lindsey came and joined us. They are former summer counselors that I used to supervise, and now I get to count as friends. They came to our table on a mission. They had something to say.


They asked me if I’d ever consider writing a book of short little thoughts on motherhood, stories and lessons along the way. They were persistent. They wanted me to write this so they could read it one day when they had babies. I laughed but they didn’t laugh. I remember later feeling badly for being so flippant at their request.

Something about that conversation stuck for me, and really took a load off. I have wanted to write something for a long, long time. But the thought of publishing, finding readers, critique, and being that absolutely vulnerable scared the wits out of me.

But Amanda and Lindsey were just asking for something that they could later read. I’m not scared of their critique. I’m not afraid of their judgment over incomplete thoughts, typos and laying myself bare. They like me. I like them. I would write for them.

I wrote a lot on the blog about pregnancy and Ivar’s first year, but there is a whole lot I didn’t put on the blog. So I started keeping a file filled with short writings pertaining to every month of his life, filled with transition, awkward moments, charmed moments and everything in between.

My word for 2010 was Try. Because that was the goal: I’m going to try to complete something that I can self publish. I have terrible voices in my head that tell me not to bother, but my word for the year was meant to stand in defiance against those voices. I’m just going to try. No one has to love it. No one has to read it. At least I tried.

So I did. We set up babysitting times once a week so that I could drop Ivar off with grandparents and aunts and uncles and I holed up in library study rooms across the metro area.

I’ve got a pretty complete rough draft to show for it. Because I tried.

I’m in a new stage of writing now, one that I have never been in before…editing. Blogs are funny because nothing is ever edited. I write and publish and what you see is what I wrote. But I’m hopeful for no typos. No glaring grammatical errors. And for that, I need someone else’s help.

So that’s my reflection on my word for 2011. I have a new word for 2012. I’m really excited to share it and more excited to live it. It’s a great word full of meaning for me. Full of purpose and ambition. And this year, it’s a noun.