blog envy.

I’ve been in a blog funk lately. Not really about my own blog. It’s more about other people’s perfect blogs. The ones with the well-lit pictures, the adorable children, the delightful and inspired crafts, the sweetly coordinated parties, the amazing cakes, the witty writing, and the writers who have a clear and consistent voice that seems to come effortlessly every time they write a new post.

A lot of the time I can read these blogs for what they: a person’s loving addition to their corner of the internet. Other times I read them and I am left feeling like I need to buy a big fancy lens for my camera and wake up before dawn and bake a loaf of bread to be photographed in the early morning sunlight.

This isn’t a poor me blog post. Actually, the opposite. I have never ever enjoyed a spring and start of summer more in my life. Ivar is at a perfect sitting-up-and-not-crawling-away age and we spend nearly every day outside hanging out as a family on a blanket in the back yard. Rory is working from home and the three of us are growing into a family unit. It is precious and wonderful.

However. When I put that sweet baby boy to sleep at night and finally end up plopped on the couch with my laptop for some me-time ready to enjoy the sights and sounds of my favorite blogs, I end up with poor-me time. Poor-me, I’m not at Disney world. Poor-me, no one sends me free items to review on my blog. Poor-me, I have no fashion sense. Poor-me, I have no original art to be sold in cute boutiques across america.

Well, it’s ridiculous. And absurd. And offensive, I believe. Offensive to a really quality life that is somehow feeling belittled by the perfection that is projected out there. And the very worst part? I know I’m part of it. I make pretty cakes too. And my son has yet to take a bad photo.

Maybe it’s all my extra hormones I am carrying around because this feeling is fairly new. I used to read blogs with a very healthy sense of self, enjoy them for what they are worth and click on my way to enjoy my own day. But now I read them with a sort of Eyore undertone. Bleh. It’s no good. It’s not healthy.

I thought about taking a summer vacation entirely from blogging. Even wrote the post to announce that I’d be back in September. But then I got a phone call from Hildur’s sister, Lois. Lois is a new reader, just started reading the blog after Hildur’s funeral and after talking to her on the phone I’m pretty sure she has read my whole blog. Words cannot express how honored I am! Lois told me that she reorganized her fridge after reading my post on my food organization and that her husband of many years loves the new system because the produce isn’t going bad anymore and he knows right where to find the leftovers. Knowing that Lois is reading, enjoying what she is reading and actually taking some of these ideas to heart makes me want to keep it up.

I also want to keep blogging because this is the very best way I have found to write the stories that go with the pictures of my life as it is happening. This blog is ultimately for Ivar and the kiddos to come and I want to keep up the discipline.

So I have a new game plan for the summer. In perfect timing, I am right in the middle of reading a book my mom gave me for Mother’s Day. You’ve probably heard about it and I’ll write much more about it very soon. It is called One Thousand Gifts and focuses on gratitude in a way that makes every page feel like a little mini-vacation. It’s got me breathing deeper and climbing into bed earlier just so I can return to the happy tropical island that awaits me in her writing.

The book has me thinking and has me looking at my life with fresh eyes again. And it has given me a whole new blogging direction for the summer ahead. I am going to make my own list of One Thousand Gifts. I am going to stop wishing and wanting and start savoring and appreciating.

And I’ll do it one gratitude at a time.

If you want to join in this quest for contentment and a grateful heart pick up your pen and join in! Life is too good and rich and full of blessings to sit back and wish, want and wonder. It’s time to recognize, name and appreciate all that God has given to us!

a life of journals

Have you ever met someone who has written in a journal their whole life? When I read about writers like this I always have a tinge of jealousy...wishing I had that sort of written history.

But today I realized that I do! My mom came over for most of the day and we went through boxes in the basement, getting rid of a whole lot of paperwork and school binders that I have held onto over the years. And in one special box we came across more than a dozen journals that I have kept since the 1st grade.

It was so perfect to discover these notebooks of written history with my mom! We laughed as we read entries filled with memories of hurt feelings, excitement, disappointment and all sorts of age-appropriate "stress." It was obvious that I have always been a bit of an extreme writer, very feeling, and very dramatic.

The above text killed me. It is from the very first page of my journal from second grade. To think the same little girl who wrote these misspelled, poorly constructed sentences ended up loving words, and still loves writing, is a pretty cool thing.

why i blog

I've been thinking about the whole wonder of blogging lately. I love it a lot. I love getting thoughts out there and I like reading what other people are excited about on their own blogs. I often describe a blog as a personal magazine column...like we each have our own daily column and the editor doesn't really care what we write about. "Just express yourself," this kind editor says.

I have taken these words to heart and I write about whatever is on my mind. Often at the end of a week I'll look back on my posts and laugh about the different topics I have covered. Last week I ranged from tropical fruit to American Girl books to an inaccurate tutorial on RSS feeds. Laughing out loud as I type.

But I keep writing, because scattered or not, I like this medium of communication. And the motivation to keep writing comes from the moments of PURE JOY I experience when I find out about a new reader, like I did just a moment ago.

I just received a comment from a friend of mine from back in the day. We knew each other from church and school. She just wrote about how she reads this thing. I had no idea. But I LOVE that she is here! I remember going to camp with this friend one summer, and laughing hard. I mean, hard. Our humor was so crazy-similar. And because of college and life and time we haven't kept in touch, but here she is. And I'm so glad we're connected like this!

Connection. This is why I blog.

I got a similar email recently from a friend I worked with at camp. She reads daily. I didn't have a clue. But I love that she's reading, and if we lived closer I know we'd be living room friends, talking for hours on each other's couches. But we don't live closer, so I tell my stories from my own couch with my laptop on my lap and she can read them on her couch.

I'm going to keep blogging. (No, I never really was considering otherwise). But it's going to be scattered. Because I am scattered.

The interesting thing is that I think my Umbrella Topic is emerging. Like my, catch-all-this-is-what-I-blog-about topic. And it only became visible after getting so many of these super-fun-make-my-day emails and comments from friends and strangers alike. My catch all topic is this: I like community. I like people. I like life. And I want the world to be less of a lonesome place. I want people to appreciate life and family and friends. For me, I appreciate life most when I am with people, when I am listening to and telling stories, when I am creating something fun and new, when I am spending my time in faithful, meaningful ways. And I guess, those are the things I blog about. Scattered, but so good.

So thanks for reading. I know there are lots of you out there and I am so excited to keep connecting and sharing with you in this way.

Here's to community.