Smiling Elias

One week ago tonight we were waiting for labor to progress and still so uncertain that things would pick up that we decided to make pickles. Which will forever be a memory of this birth story now. At 8:00 my contractions suddenly became regular and intense. Rory was working fast in the kitchen trying to get the pickles done while I was realizing that things were really getting started now. I was upstairs in bed and would call him on my phone at the beginning of each contraction, "Starting," I'd grunt. "Ok, honey! That's six minutes from the last one! And I'm almost done with these pickles!"

I remember having a sense of humor about the whole thing even in the moment and by 9:00 we both knew it was time to load up for the hospital. And thankfully the pickles were done.

Anyways, it seems Elias has our same good sense of humor. His default face is a grin. It's a riot. He hears my voice and his cheeks turn up. He smiles and grins all during his sleep. He is a happy baby and for that I am so glad.

This first week has me pretty sleep deprived and remembering just how much you are up at night with a newborn. But with this little boy grinning at me, I can't complain. Newborns are so sweet and I know very well that this season goes so fast.

It's a boy!

Introducing Elias Anton Groves. He decided to come on his own (no pitocin! my first baby that didn't need pitocin!) and was born on Sunday morning at 8:50. I had contractions off and on starting at midnight on Friday and irregularly all throughout Saturday. And then Saturday night it all kicked in and we checked into the hospital about 10:00.

I have so many thoughts.

First, newborns are so wonderful. I mean, so, so wonderful. Elias is darling and snuggly and squeaks a lot. We landed on his name just on Monday morning. We had been stumped for 9 months trying to come up with a name. My great uncle's name was Ellis, and that was in the running. Ivar like Elliot and Emmit was discussed. We thought about Elijah and then finally when Rory said, while brushing his teeth, 'how about Elias?' I felt my heart swell and knew we had finally landed on his name. We will likely call him Eli, but for now I am trying to use Elias, mostly so I remember it! It's that new of a name, and he's not named after anyone, so I have to go through my own foggy memory to remember...Elias. I have time though. Mostly we call him "Alden...I mean, Elias" and likely will the rest of his life. :)

And Rory's great grandfather was named Anton. And his grandpa's middle name was Anton.

We had a great stay at the hospital and were the only patients on the birthing floor the whole 36 hours we were there! The nurses that delivered Elias were the same two who delivered Alden two years ago and we all remembered each other. I ordered french toast four times after delivery, as well as three different omelets and bacon every time with everything. The hospital food service people kept saying to me, "it's just so nice to find someone who likes hospital food. we'll be sure to tell the workers in the kitchen."

My folks brought the kids on Sunday after they had all been to church. We facetimed the kids before their church service at Shepherd of the Valley so we could tell them that we had a boy. And then they came right to the hospital after service and lunch at McDonalds. Alden usually naps at 10 or 11, so when he arrived at 1, he was a disaster. Oh it was so funny to me. Poor boy. He just wanted to push every button on my bed, and say no, and cry and and cry some more. He was a wreck when Rory brought him out to the car and I don't know if he ever recovered. Well, more accurately, I don't know if my dad will ever recover! Ha! He looked pretty worn down himself!

And now we're back home, just the three of us. We just woke up from a good nap in our own bed which was wonderful. Rory said, "sure beats the school bus cushions I slept on the last two nights." The kids will come back from Mimi and Papa's tomorrow, and then life will pick right back up, I'd imagine. But we're ready for it.

So those are my scattered thoughts at the moment. I still want to write out the birth story and another thought before the kids come back. I just have this feeling if I don't get this stuff out now, it may be a while! We're going to have corn on the cob and tomatoes and mozerella for dinner now and then I'll go take a bath in my super clean tub. So glad I super-cleaned it! And then we'll try sleeping for a few hours at a time all night long, working on a good latch, trying to get a good burp. I feel seasoned at this newborn thing, and yet it is amazing how awkward it can all feel at the same time. I changed him into an outfit before we left the hospital and he flailed all around. It felt like I was getting my sea legs back. So that's what we'll do this week. Elias and I will work as a team, finding our rhythm. And the fab four will come back and we'll transform into a family of seven as we find our footing.

My heart is positively overflowing.

life and death

This morning we got the heartbreaking news that our dear friend Avis passed away early this morning. Avis goes to our church and she and her husband Fred, sit right behind us every Sunday. Some people are occasional attenders, but Fred and Avis are there Every Single Sunday. This past March Avis invited me to her 74th birthday party, a sweet breakfast with four of her best friends and me. I felt so honored to be there.

Just two weeks ago they got the news that Avis had stage 4 cancer. And it went that quickly.

It is sobering because in this season of waiting for the baby, I am once again amazed at how little control we have over birth and death. These are the two most mysterious of all events in a person's life, and in a world where we feel like we can control most things in between those two moments, it is always a shock to the system to realize how little control we actually do have. I think God uses birth and death to help us not forget that he is the giver of earthly life, the giver of eternal life and that he holds all time in his hands.

So birth and death. We don't have much say. But we trust the one who made us, the one who holds all time in his hands, the one who has formed this baby in my womb, the one who is holding Avis now, and the one who is most tenderly holding dear Fred.

still waiting...the beginning of a birth story

I was having some symptoms over the weekend so that when I called my doctor on Monday morning, her nurse wanted me to go to the Birthing Center immediately. We called Grandma and got the kids situated. Then Rory and I packed our suitcases and drove to the hospital.

They put me in a hospital gown, hooked me up to a monitor to hear the baby's heartbeat, took all my vitals and I got right to work looking through the cafeteria menu. This is always a highlight for me when giving birth. After the baby comes I eat off the breakfast menu for every meal until we go home: omelets, oatmeal, hash browns, bacon, sausage, orange juice and french toast. Over and over and over. I've been looking forward to this part of giving birth ever since getting pregnant again. I wanted to call in my order for oatmeal, but Rory insisted that we wait and make sure we're actually staying before calling room service.

So they checked to see if I was leaking amniotic fluid. The test took a half an hour and I just kept feeling these swells of excitement to meet this baby. It was the exact enthusiasm I felt as a little girl looking forward to my birthday or to Christmas. I just was so, so excited. I knew that if it was amniotic, they would want to get things going immediately and I would be meeting this baby within hours.

You might remember in Elsie's birth story that I went to my 40 week appointment and told them, "Pregnancy is so weird. I just keep slowly peeing my pants..." And they rushed me to the hospital after testing that my water had actually broken.

So here I was, same boat, different kid. The nurse finally came back and said, "well, it's not amniotic fluid. you can go home."

And I laughed so hard, "oh my word. does this mean the baby is just on my bladder?" And she nodded.

I got dressed and Rory and I took what he later called The Walk of Shame. Four nurses all popped their heads over their computers to see the woman here to deliver her 5th baby, who came in because she'd just peed her pants. Oh dear.

Not coincidentally, we now both had a hankerin' for a big breakfast. We drove around for nearly an hour, every single diner closed once we got there, or had stopped serving breakfast. Finally we ended up at Perkins and I decided that I will now switch from Whole 30 to a new eating program called Whole Waiting, where I can make any food choice I want while waiting for baby. So we shared a mammoth muffin to begin our meal of omelets and eggs benedict and hash browns, and split the pancakes. All of it was so good.

Then we went home to nap for an hour so I could sleep off all that gluten.

We went to our doctor appointment later that afternoon, and she said we could induce Sunday night if things didn't begin before then. Rory and I left and went to walk around a nearby nature center for a few hours. It was a dreamy afternoon and full of really great conversation. Then we went to the grocery store to defeatedly stock up on meals for the week. My folks were ready to bring our kids back, but I asked if they could stay until after dinner. I just needed the whole day off. And I wanted my house to stay tidy for just another hour or two.

And now today we spent the day in a haze. All the excitement of yesterday wore off. I slept a lot. Hattie and I ran errands for a while and ended up at Culver's sharing another scoopie of peanut butter cup custard. I swung by my good friend Allyson's house who loaded me up with home cooked meals including a loaf of bluberry lemon bread.

Tonight Rory took the recycling bag out and told me he had it lifted over the chicken fence before he realized he was about to dump it into the chicken yard instead of the recycling bin. And that sort of sums us up right now.

What is strange is that we have been here before. We absolutely should be used to this and know how to handle these extra days. But it seems it doesn't work that way.

Birth and Death...it always amazes me how we truly have no control over the timing of both. There is a good kind of surrender that simply has to happen, knowing and trusting that God holds all time in his hands. And I trust him.

I just may eat a lot of ice cream and blueberry lemon loaf in the meantime...

you were made for this

I texted a bit this weekend with my friend Shannon. I don't know if I have ever written out my favorite story with Shannon on this blog...but I was with her when her water broke quite dramatically before her second child was born. That story is in my top three stories of all time, which is saying something, because I have a lot of stories (other two: Story City and the Water Skiing Story). If I have time today I'll look to see if I have already written my Shannon Story, or maybe I'll just write it out again because it's as good as it gets.

Anyway, Shannon is a supporter of mothers, of birth, of making sure women feel empowered and strong during pregnancy and postpartum. She has a studio on California that offers all sorts of classes and workshops and seminars that basically surround the new mama with resources and support and friendship.

So it is not a real surprise that the words I think about most often while in the throws of labor are Shannon's words to me, spoken before I had Ivar. She had two kids already and knew all that was ahead of me. When I was concerned about the pain of labor she said to me, "Becca, you are a strong Scandinavian woman built for giving birth."

Those encouraging words always come to mind while gripping some hallway railing, trying to breath through intensifying contractions. At the moments when I wonder if I will really survive this pain, I begin to remember that I am a strong woman, built for giving birth.

So that's what is ahead! I have a doctor's appointment today and I have a feeling they are going to want to get things started. So prayers would be so appreciated. Especially for the moments when I'm white-knuckle gripping the hallway railing! This isn't my first rodeo, and I am fully aware of what comes next... But I'm also aware that after that part, I HAVE A BABY!!!!

And I do want to just say this: I LOVE being pregnant. And I am going to miss this feeling. I love carrying a life in my womb. I love that I get the honor of feeling baby move and sway and kick and dance inside of me. The miracle of it all is not lost on me for a moment.

In an odd twist, this pregnancy has been my very best. I have felt healthy and strong and able the whole time, right up to the end. Take that Geriatric Pregnancy Pamphlet that told me all the things to worry and fear! I felt better at age 38 than I did at 30! And I don't take that for granted either. I know every pregnancy is different for every woman, but what a joy to have this one to leave me feeling so good and grateful.

So I'm off. I got up at 4:30 this morning and got a few more things situated. You'll be happy to know the inside of my microwave looks brand new. I do believe that means it is time to go and have a baby.

the good fruit app

I have this app idea called Good Fruit. I think about this app nearly every week. It's just a hub on your phone where you can report what fruit is awesome at what store and location on that day.

For example, last week I got peaches at Aldi and they were the best ever. Perfect in every way. I would have logged on and reported "The peaches called "Hollywood" that I purchased on Saturday August 3rd were exceptional. I got them at the Aldi with this zip code." And then if someone was at Aldi later that week, they can get the peaches too and leave their own comment. Because the kicker is that this week I bought the same peaches and now they're mealy and not worth it. I would quickly log on, enter the fruit, brand, date and description and tell others to forgo to the peaches.

That all sounds way more complicated than this nifty little app would be. It would be simple and fast. And it would mean you would know if the green grapes are good and firm or soft and lame.

I'd love to see this one available. I'd drive to a special grocery store if I knew the cherries there were fantastic and affordable.

Anyways, these are the things I am thinking about these days. Still no baby as of Saturday night, still no real contractions. But my official due date isn't until tomorrow, so I can't actually complain yet. It's just that I feel so ready! So I think about app ideas.

Yesterday our One Fun Thing was to cook hotdogs over the fire. I'll tell you it was not that fun. It was rather stressful and full of bugs. But that's okay. My clean bathroom continued to bring me joy all day long.

Today our One Fun Thing was homemade cheese curds (Those are cheese strands hanging from the kids mouths above). I had a hankerin' for some fair food and decided to make it at home. For dinner we had cheese curds, sweet corn, fried green tomatoes and watermelon. It was all delicious.

I'd get on the Good Fruit App and report that the watermelon I bought at Aldi today was awesome and only $3.99.

project: one fun thing

Yesterday I began a new program called: One Fun Thing. Each day until baby comes we will do something out of the ordinary that will help all of us pass the time. Hattie woke me up early this morning (as always) and told me, "baby come out and put clothes on. baby is very chilly." She is quite concerned that the baby has no clothes on right now. She's ready to swaddle and snuggle. So am I!

Yesterday's fun thing was super fun. We took six scoopie tokens we got at our town's home and garden show and cashed them in for cups of delicious ice cream. It was so good. And so sugary. I am still doing whole 30, except for obvious moments like this...and that custard is so sweet! And delicious. We drove our ice cream to my favorite picnic table in town and had such a happy time. Followed by popcorn from the popcorn stand and all the kids putting their feet in the fountain. It was a perfect summer moment.

And here I am! This picture goes out to my Aunt Louie who said she needed a side profile shot. So thanks to Ivar for taking my picture. :) I had my very first contractions last night from 12-4, enough to wake me up, but not enough for me to get out of bed or anything. So things are moving in the right direction.

I woke up this morning and cleaned my upstairs bathroom for over an hour. This is hilarious/embarrassing, but I thought my bathtub was discolored from some product or something, but after some serious elbow grease while on all fours, I realized it was just that dirty. Ha! ...and Gross! I think I was trying to overdue it to see if I could get things moving along. But nothing happened other than I now have the cleanest bathroom ever.

Enjoy the weekend! I cannot imagine more perfect weather than these days we're enjoying right now!

the fence!

We're all still here! And baby is still cozy on the inside. But we got the fence in and we love it. We walked the perimeter of our property last night and it was such a beautiful night. I am so tight in the belly and I couldn't sleep last night until 2am. Things feel like they're beginning, though I still have not had a contraction...so who knows. This afternoon we are going out for ice cream cones. I insisted. :)

39 weeks, 3 days

Well here we go! My due date is this Sunday, August 11th. That said, Alden arrived 7 days after his due date, Hattie came 10 days after her due date, Elsie came promptly on her due date and Ivar made his appearance one day before his due date. My babies stay put for the long haul, it seems.

However, at my appointment a week and a half ago my doctor felt my belly and said, "oh my. that's the head. it is so low!" And then at my appointment a week later (this past Monday) she said, "it is so, so low." And it's true. I usually carry my babies so high right up to the end. But I actually look smaller with this pregnancy because I think everything is positioned so differently. And when I sit in a chair, it feels like I have a bowling ball snug on my lap. 

So we are right in the middle of the mind-game stage. The one that makes me think every little feeling or tightening or wave of nausea might be the start of the real deal. But then I remember it's not that likely, so then I hit a huge project to keep me occupied. But them I am exhausted and worry that now I'll go into labor tired and depleted...so then I sit and think that every physical feeling might be the start of labor... And on it goes. 

It's also that stage where the kids are extra clingy and have all sorts of emotions of their own as we all are waiting. Hattie helped me pack the kids' overnight bags for grandma and grandpa's and mimi and papa's. While packing she asked one thousand times, "we going today? no? when baby comes? oh. when will baby come? today? no? when will baby come?" 

And I suppose that's the exact script running through all of our heads this week.

But today we have the very last project on the list: the perimeter fence on our property is being installed! The guys dropped off their equipment last night! This is a project that demanded 27 other projects to get done before this day could arrive. You know those projects? Rory has spent the whole summer removing trees, stumps, wood piles, clearing brush, leveling land, taking down an old wooden fence, mowing down thistle, calling in friends for a chainsaw party to help make a way through thick woods... oh it has been so much work. But here we are! The guys come today and after today 3/4's of our property will have a permanent fence to keep our animals in and other animals out. It will help greatly with setting up temporary paddocks with our electric netting. It's like that game you used to play with your siblings with the grid of dots on the paper, and you each take turns drawing one line to complete a box. Having the perimeter done will help so much in the world of fencing. And really, much of successful farming is simply successful fencing. So we are thrilled.

I felt like things were starting up last night and Rory asked kindly, "oh please, let's just get the fence in first..." So real quick, we're going to get the fence in...  

drive thru window

On Saturday we went out to the little cabin Rory built originally as a home office and played drive thru. We had a good friend live in the cabin this summer for about 7 weeks. She goes to our church and lives with a woman from our congregation. But that woman had her daughter coming home for part of the summer and needed Lena's room back. So Lena moved in with us! The cabin has electricity, but no running water. She said it felt very Thoreau-esque.

Lena moved out last weekend, which left a cabin all set up with a bed, a desk, and basically it makes for the perfect playhouse now. Which delights the kids to no end. But, thanks to a screen that was popped out, we ended up playing drive thru with me making up silly orders and them gladly making my food and us handing money back and forth, all in our imaginations. It was so fun.

Elsie told me recently that she is going to take care of the baby all the time. She said, "just think, the littles will be in the rock box because they love it there. Ivar will play legos and you can just bake and clean and take a nap! Because I'll take care of the baby!"

And part of me believed her! Because I think she will genuinely be a huge help to me. She already is in so many ways, making bread in the bread machine all by herself, helping load and buckle when it's time to go somewhere, helping me get meals ready and on the table. I am so glad to have her help!

She somehow scraped her face really good on the picket fence in the kitchen garden. I still don't get how it happened, but it left a scratch right under her eye. While brushing her teeth and looking at herself in the mirror she told me, "I'm glad my scratch is still on my face. It shows that I am a tough cookie."

She is a sweet and delightful tough cookie.

Awesome and Wonderful

Rory will often take one of our girls out on a daddy-daughter date. Hattie got to go to Menards last week and brought home a box of Dots. But she was so thrilled at the special time she kept telling Rory in every aisle, "We dating, Daddy? We dating!" So this week Ivar called in a special mother-son date. He had the plan: Walmart to look at legos and dinner at A&W. When we got to A&W he was a bit panicked that a kids meal might not fill him up enough. He was really hungry, he told me. So I got the kids meal and he got the value meal which meant his float was twice the size of mine...and this positively delighted him. (The float was a whole 30 exception, and was totally worth it!)

We had the best time. We laughed so much. I kept making up fake monologues that cracked him up. When we arrived at Walmart I said, "Alden, you have to let Ivar help you unbuckle. Nope, I am not going to do it. Ivar is going to help you. Hattie and Alden, you cannot take off your shoes every time we are in the car. This is too much work for me to put them back on each time. Now find your buddy and hold hands. Alden. You have to hold Ivar's hand." And Ivar would laugh and laugh, "That's exactly how it is, mom! Exactly!"

We got home and he told everyone about every part. Even how "most people at A&W are really old." Which was accurate of last night. The 70+ crowd was represented well. But Ivar and I decided that the two of us will continue to bring that average age down, hopefully with a monthly visit.

When he went to bed he came over and hugged me and said what a great date we had. And it felt so good. Ivar is my oldest, and he puts up with a lot from his siblings as well as high expectations from me. He is a good kid who thrives on order and routine, and life can be stretching when you have little siblings who consistently disrupt order and routine. We work through those challenges a lot. So this night together, laughing and eating and enjoying each other was so, so Awesome and Wonderful. A&W.

Here's to many more root beer floats!

a hattie wake up call

Hattie wakes up at 6:20 each day like a set alarm. Only instead of beeping or playing music, she gently nuzzles her head to push open our door that is held closed by a pillow in front of it. She used to announce her arrival by saying, "Knocka Knocka!" But that has changed. Now I first I hear her in the hallway, playing with something or quietly talking. And then I see our door begin to slowly open, and the pillow pushed along the way. She is on all fours and her head comes slowly in to look around. She is so quiet and slow and sneaky at this point, getting her body in the door and then quietly moving the pillow back and closing the door to a crack.

I'm not sure why she is so quiet coming in, because moments later she pops up in my face like a coo coo clock and says full volume, "Mom! It thirty o'clock yet?!! It thirty o'clock?!!" And I tell her, "No. Hattie is not seven o'clock yet. You may not come in our bed yet. You can lay quietly on the floor until it is seven o'clock." And so she lays down with her head on the same pillow that holds our door closed and sings and talks and basically we know our day is now beginning. Rory usually gives up the fight first and when he gets out of bed, then Hattie crawls into his side. She looks at me intently, and it's hard not to be amused at the whole situation...her bright eyes, wide awake, ready for the day.

***

My other Hattie story lately is her response to our house when it gets too noisy. She will begin to yell as loud as she can, "INSIDE VOICES! MIA SAYS INSIDE VOICES!" Mia is her favorite friend and nursery worker at church and apparently this is where she learned this phrase. Though she doesn't seem to have learned how to apply it to her own volume yet...

But I still consider it a nice step in the right direction.

a little slice of time

I know I wrote about most of this already, but my sister and mom just returned from two weeks in Tanzania and my sister just replied to this email I sent to her last week. I re-read it and thought, "I have to save that somehow as a little slice of time..."

Hello Singing Ladies!

Oh I wonder where you are when you read this! Can you get emails on your phones? Or do you go to an internet cafe? I bet it is so different from 10 years ago...

I'm writing mostly to tell you I'm exhausted. Ha! Seriously, so tired. Rory cut the field yesterday and I got out all of the newborn stuff. I found the carseat and got out the outfits and baby toys. The kids played all day with the baby toys, and then at the end of the day I got rid of half of them. We had friends over for supper last night and fell into bed. And then today the interns came and I brought them to a farm in Faribault where we know the family, just to see another small-scale family farm in operation. The mom milked the goat for us and they have pigs and a donkey, ducks and chickens. They are very similar to us and it was a joy to see how their family operates their own farm. Then we came home and butchered 17 chickens in the back yard.

You would be proud...I cut heads off. I gutted the birds. I held them by the feet and dunked them in the water. I defeathered. It was seriously an experience, and in the end, not too bad. But I had to leave before the last bird was done and go to my Spinning lesson with Eleanor at Northfield Yarn. The lesson was 2 hours and I WAS TERRIBLE AT IT. Cannot emphasis that enough. I positively could not get it! It was hilarious. We had a great time together and the lesson was a joy, and a humbling. So crazy how something can looks so very simple and then be so super foreign.

I came home and found Tony and Alden picking blueberries, Lena and Elsie picking raspberries and I threw a pizza in the oven, cleaned my sty kitchen and we ate our pizza while watching Little House on the Prairie. Anyway, it was a good day and I'm heading to bed after this. But farm life is FULL right now and we still have many showing up this week to pick up their chickens, the rest of the kittens, friends for dinner and baling the field.

But! If everything goes well, Rory and I are taking off on Friday morning for an overnight babymoon. Lena is going to watch the kids here and I think we'll head to Lake City or someplace over there and nap for two days.

I hope you guys are well. Can't wait to hear all about it.

Love,

Becca