Yesterday I woke up with the kids. This isn't a great idea but I'm living large these days and find myself wide awake right around 2:30 in the morning for an hour or two. It makes me not quite ready for the day when it's time to get up. So I rolled out of bed and got Hattie and marched us downstairs where we ate breakfast for an hour. I'm not sure why it takes that long, but there were lots of needs and a counter full of dirty dishes that needed to be loaded into the waiting-to-be-unloaded dishwasher.
The kicker is that the whole time I just wanted to be in the shower. And I kept getting distracted from making my coffee. And I kept thinking about how hungry I was, but getting my eggs made seemed to be the last priority on the list.
The morning sort of just went from there. My kids needed me in every way possible. There were slivers that needed to be removed, spills at breakfast, scraped knees on the driveway. And I just wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready for them. I still had my list of needs and none of them were getting met. No ones needs were getting met.
Now I want to pause right here and clarify one thing. It is okay to make kids wait. And it is okay to not meet their needs right in that very moment. But in this instance, I knew very well that it was my own lack of preparation for the day that was turning the whole day south. If I had just gotten up an hour before them I could have showered, put my contacts in, made my coffee, eaten my breakfast and read by Bible all before the kids woke up... and the entire trajectory of our day would have been set in a better direction.
At one point I was posting a picture on instagram and the kids ran upstairs to get bubble gum and that which quickly devolved into an Ivar-Elsie yelling spat about gum size that woke a sleeping Hattie. And the anger I felt in that moment was hot and furious. Because then I had a crabby baby all the rest of the day added to an already challenging day. But you know what? The whole gum suggestion was because I wanted some quiet to post a picture on my phone. Again, I have to own that one.
So last night I told Rory about the whole derailed day and we made a plan for me to get up and to be ready for the masses to wake up with their many needs. I took a shower, put my contacts in, got fully ready, drank my coffee, ate my breakfast and read my Bible. And when my kids came trickling downstairs I was able to meet them and help them get their day started right too. Today has been completely different from yesterday. I wanted a do-over and I got it. We're all enjoying this day much, much more.
It was a good lesson for me. Both days are sort of "typical." Some days I'm on my game. Other days I'm not. It is certain that the whole calling of motherhood is a refining calling, ridding a girl of her own selfishness and helping her to learn selflessness. Putting the needs of others above herself day after day is definitely not natural. It goes against everything in my human nature. But it is a high calling and I believe it is fully worthwhile. And it means that I really should just set an alarm and meet my own needs before I meet the needs of the masses.
Motherhood is good. Happy Mother's Day! And happy every other day that you pour yourself out as a mother.
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