week one with Harriet Joy

As I type this I am very aware that one week ago tonight I was in the throws of labor, and at this moment was just getting my epidural. I had pitocin for six hours before I finally called mercy (which translated to: epidural). And even with the epidural, labor still continued for eleven more hours before I was ready to push. I'm exhausted just thinking about it and I'm so glad to be heading to bed in a few minutes.

Hattie will be one week old tomorrow morning at 6:22. After the initial scare of her first few hours of life, everything has greatly calmed down. We had a lovely stay at the hospital. I love room service and I loved my nurses that helped with everything. We came home on Friday and the kids came back on Saturday. I asked my mom to come out on Friday "for just an hour" and then didn't let her leave until the sun went down, telling her to come back the next day with her suitcase. I said I'd like her to stay "for just a night or two..." and I still haven't let her go home. She is the secret sauce to keeping everything running around here...dishes, Ivar and Elsie emotions, holding Hattie so I can shower, and laundry. There is so much laundry with a baby!

I think the most amazing thing is the passage of time during these first weeks. I feed Hattie every two or three hours. And it takes a while because we're both still learning how to do this together. And then between feedings she gets her diaper changed, often an outfit change if she spits up and it all just takes a lot of time. In between feedings I have to eat, or lay down or shower, or pay special attention to big siblings and just like that, it's time to nurse again. Our days go slowly and calmly and then all of the sudden it is nighttime again. My friend Shannon calls these weeks "soft focus"...sort of a blur of naps, nursing, sleepiness and slowly adjusting to the new normal.

And it is good. So good. I am so grateful to have Hattie here and healthy. I am grateful for her big brother and sister who adore her. I am grateful for my mom who came to mother me while I learn to be a mother of three. And most of all I am so grateful for Rory who I grew deeper in love with through this whole ordeal. He was so steady through all the twists and turns of Hattie's birth, saw the fear in the doctor's eyes, the exhaustion in my own eyes, rallied prayer warriors when we needed God to intervene and took great care of me all the while. I am so grateful and my heart is overflowing.