if I had blogged on Tuesday...

If I had blogged on Tuesday I would have written about how good I am feeling after this pregnancy. How sincerely strong and able I feel. We had the whole Frick family over on Tuesday (Rory's mom's side of the family) who were here from Colorado for the wedding. It was a joy to be together and as we all love to say, it was a Frick n' Groves good time.

If I had blogged on Wednesday I would have written about how seasoned I feel at this motherhood thing. Babies do seem to get easier, because I know what I'm doing. (Plus, Hattie is pretty low-key...) And I know not to put my baby in anything with snaps or complicated foot holes for bedtime because I just don't have patience for that stuff at 3 am. I know to go to bed at 8 so I can get in that first sleep cycle before 11. I know that I can't actually sleep when the baby is sleeping, so I must sleep when the big kids are sleeping. Things aren't brand new, this isn't my first rodeo and I feel great. Also, it was Rory's birthday. Which I did absolutely nothing for because something had to give. I'll make it up somehow...though all he wanted was wood chips for his garden and look what he got:

If I had blogged on Thursday I would have written about how I started out the day noticing a blocked duct and how by the middle of the afternoon I was pretty sure I was dying. I got so sick. I was supposed to speak with Rory at our local pregnancy center banquet and by the evening I was in bed with the shakes, the sweats, and painful, painful nursing. It was bad news. By the middle of the night I was sort of wondering if I'd survive it all.

If I had blogged on Friday I would have written about how I lay on the doctor's table, answering questions with my eyes closed, how I felt so sorry for myself being so sick and in so much pain and still having to feed my baby through the pain. And then by evening I would have written about the horrors of mastitis and the miracle medicine that is the antibiotic. Because two pills in and I knew I was going to make it. I also would have written a sonnet to my mother, who came back on Thursday to sleep over and take care of me (and make me my third batch of mini monster cookies since the baby was born! because oatmeal is good for nursing! right?!!)

If I had blogged on Saturday I would have written about what a difference a day makes, how easily Harriet took my pumped milk from a bottle (my first baby to take a paci and a bottle!) And how my pump, after two other kids, sounds like a rocket about to take off and doesn't have a whole lot of power left in it. Then I'd write about how Rory's folks came in the afternoon when my mom left and how my mother-in-law sent my father-in-law to Target to buy me a new pump. And bless his heart, he went to that baby aisle and stared at all the nursing pumps and later told me that he found a woman with two young kids and asked her opinion as to which one he should buy. He came home with a great pump and it felt like Christmas morning. He said to me, "13 years ago when I was driving the tour bus and you were Troy and Sara's assistant, I could have never seen this day coming..." Oh we laughed. I don't remember the last time I was so grateful for something new. I adore my new pump. It's quiet and fast and I'm feeling so much better. And Harriet seems to love her bottles, a totally new experience for me as a mom. And I would have written about how we finished Mary Poppins with the kids and how hard Ivar laughed at all the funny parts. That movie was a joy to watch with an almost 5 year old.

Now it's Sunday and I actually am blogging. So I'd probably wrap this whole thing up saying that there are so many highs and lows in motherhood. There are joys and challenges, good days and hard ones. There are moments I feel like I rock at this gig and moments I feel brand spanking new to it all. There are moments of self-confidence followed by moments of self-pity. And it's all a part of the ride. Hattie and I stayed home from church today and I gave her bath and then we lay on the bed and looked at each other for an hour. And then I made myself a cup of fully caffeinated coffee with maple syrup and cream, which has put it me in the chattiest and happiest of moods. Plus, this afternoon I walked around our farm with the big camera and the big kids and took in all the pretty things happening around here. I'll post those pictures soon.