adult birthdays

I wrote this blog post almost a year ago and I never posted it. But I recently read it again and it made me laugh a bit and I still think it's true. So today I'll throw it out there...

I have something to write about, and it's not very flattering: I'm having a hard time making the transition to adult birthdays.

The birthdays of my childhood are all pretty epic. The days were celebrated from sun up to sun down and I felt special all day long. But adult birthdays sort of come and go. There is no mom letting everyone know it is your birthday. There is no teacher waiting for you to bring in Tootsie Pops for all of your classmates (always Tootsie Pops, for me). This year I realized I had my facebook birthday still set to January 1st. I could have gone in and changed it mid-day, but I didn't want to come across as too, you know, needy.

But the truth is I have needs unending on my birthday. Many I don't even know about until they go unmet. Mostly a need to feel special, a need to have a day different from all other days. And somehow adult birthdays don't really allow for this. There are still diapers to change and kids to wrangle into car seats.

This might be some sort of passive-aggressive post towards my husband. Except that he did pretty well on my birthday this year. He planted me my very own bulb garden for my gift. Thoughtful in every way. And he had the kids make me cards. And we celebrated a bit at night.

The truth is, after ten years of birthdays with him, I think I'm finally letting him off the hook. Our very, very first fight in our history of togetherness was on my birthday. And it was over the lack of fanfare for my birthday. Not a pretty story, but a true one. He had big plans for me for the weekend after my birthday. And he learned a very important lesson that birthday about the need to celebrate on the very day. Never, ever, ever, ever after.

I get that none of this is very flattering of me. Many of you reading may even be thinking, "I'm glad I'm not married to her." But I have a feeling you are married to her. I brought this whole adult birthday problem up with my friends at ecfe and it was pretty much a resounding amen around the table.

Hence my openness in this blog post.

The trouble with my expectation for my birthday is a tricky one: I expect to be surprised. Not with a big party (in fact, I'd rather skip the big party.) I'd like little surprises. Like coffee in bed. Little surprise notes. Little surprise gifts. Little surprise outings. Or a surprise babysitter. I want to feel special all day long. I want to feel remembered and appreciated from sun up to sun down. And I don't want to have to be the one to plan it.

Can you see the problem? That last little expectation is a huge one: I want a day full of surprises and I don't want to plan it. I just want it to happen. But I have expectations, so when I'm up with my kids at 7:30, I'm already disappointed. Because I wanted coffee in bed.

So do I spell it out? Because then the day isn't full of surprises. Then the coffee in bed is obligatory.

My friends, I do not have the answer on this one. I do know that winter weather has thwarted my initial birthday plans two years in a row now and I'm beginning to believe the answer might just be to get out of dodge. To not be in Minnesota and instead have an annual warmer weather get away. I also have a friend who has a group of four friends who go out for lunch and each get a massage on each other's birthdays. They have taken birthdays into their own hands. I find that birthday plan pretty brilliant.

I don't write all of this to gain pity.  But rather just to say it. Adult birthdays are hard. They're a bit doomed from the start, in my opinion.

That was the end of my sorry post from last year. I read it before my birthday this year and knew I had to become the adult that I am, and ensure my own birthday was lovely. There were lots of ways I could have done this, but I chose Mesa, Arizona. We chose to go that week because I couldn't risk another snowy birthday with roads that would wreck my Minnesota plans. And my birthday was lovely. It was a beautiful day in Arizona, the plan from the start. And then my mom hosted a lovely party with family friends and aunts and uncles complete with my traditional bunny birthday cake. It was a fun party with lots of my favorite picnic foods, doubly awesome because we were in Mesa. 

So the lesson I learned during this 34th year is: Your adult birthdays are in your hands. Because you are an adult. So plan accordingly. :)