what 'presence' looks like

On January 30th I sat down during nap time and wrote out what I think applying my one-little-word, Presence, looks like. And I came up with four goals related to this word:
          -Enjoy God's Presence
          -Listen to my husband with better attention, pray together at night
          -Be present for my kids
          -Recognize my own presence: am I hurried or peaceful

And then I made another list. I titled it:
           Life really would be better if I:
          -moved the laptop upstairs and kept it there
          -checked facebook only weekly
          -did my exercise dvd with some regularity
          -woke up for a quiet time before the kids
          -went to bed/took a bath around 9:30
          -ate Paleo again
          -played more with art stuff
          -read more during the day, not just at night

I sat there, decided it was a good list and knew I had to move my laptop upstairs right that moment. Not even wait until the 1st. Facebook is my greatest hurdle for being present to my own life. I don't have it on my phone, just my laptop. So I moved the computer up to the playroom. The next morning, as I made chili, I became acutely aware of how addicted I have become. Because all throughout the meal prep I wandered over to the corner of the counter that used to hold my laptop. And I wasn't sure why I was there.

I was like a lost puppy who had trained herself to check her facebook as a reward to unloading the top of the dishwasher. To check her instagram when she finished unloading the silverware holder. To google recipe questions, and since she was there, check her email (and facebook and instagram), and often forget entirely why she hopped back on her computer in the first place. I was addicted. And it was comical and sad to see the physical manifestation of this addiction as I made our chili. Time and again I'd find myself standing my the microwave, confused as to why I was there.

But facebook is a sneaky little devil, and I know that even a physical change wasn't going to relieve me of facebook the way I know I need to be rescued. So I asked Rory to change my password with the plan that he will log me in one time on the weekend and I can get caught up on all the animal videos, divisive 5-reasons-why articles and occasional actual life updates that I can handle.

These computer boundaries are huge for me. And I'm excited at the thought of a less-distracted, more-focused, present life.

I've lived with no facebook plan for a few days now, and what is most interesting is how bored I feel. I'm trying not to dismiss it and trying really hard to creatively fill it. Already I've been reading during the day. My workout video is an actual time filler between lunch and nap time/quiet play time. I've even gotten out my art journal and doodled the little picture above while the kids watercolor painted. There are moments I miss the convenience of feeling so connected, but even a few days in, my days feel filled with more intention. And that feels way better.