A few weeks back I read Kelly Rae's blog who had just returned from an art retreat in Bali. Her pictures were magical, her stories were amazing and she gushed about how her awesome husband had insisted that she go, telling her that he would watch their two-year-old son for the nine days she was gone.
You can imagine my thoughts...why doesn't Rory insist that I go to Bali for nine days? Actually, why doesn't he insist that I go anywhere? Come to think of it, why the heck am I always stuck in this house with these two kids all the time?!!
This week it was a dear friend who took a much deserved eight day cruise with her husband. They left their little boy with grandparents and spent time holding hands, swimming with sea turtles and hiking around ancient Mayan ruins in Belize. I looked longingly at the pictures and wondered why we don't have an eight day cruise to Belize on the calendar.
It's so terrible isn't it? It's such a waste of emotion and energy. Before reading these posts I hadn't the slightest desire to go on a cruise or to Indonesia for crying out loud.
But jealousy snuck in. And it sucks. It's so destructive to a happy life.
The irony (and irony seems like too small of a word here, because it's more than ironic. it's rather tragic) is that I, too, am posting pictures and writing stories. And almost weekly I am told, "you are living our dream. we want to do what you're doing so badly."
One friend even told me that it's hard to see our pictures because she gets a little jealous.
Well crud.
When people tell this to my face I am quick to tell a bit of the behind the scenes, the stories that never get told or posted. How most of the time it is just Rory out in the garden and I'm watching from the little windows. How he wishes I could be more of a partner out in that garden, but how my part of the partnership has to be more related to the kids and the house and the meals.
Sometimes my part of the partnership makes me a little crazy. Obviously I adore my kids. I love our home and I feel so grateful for the little life we are beginning on this sweet little hobby farm. But show me a picture of Bali and Belize and I go a little bonkers.
So I've been thinking about this lately. All of this social media stuff is still so spanking new, and we have no idea how it affects us. Except that I think we actually do. The pro side says that sometimes it can inspire us to be more creative with our days. My favorite blogs actually do that. But then there are other times when that jealousy monster creeps into my heart and this farm and farmhouse and simple life I am leading looks like the enemy. And that's ludicrous.
Does anyone else do this to themselves? How do you deal with these feelings of jealousy?
Because when I look at my own life, the one God has put in front of me, I have nothing to be jealous of and everything for which to be grateful.
That same Kelly Rae who went to Bali, posted today that she is moving into a new art studio with friends. She had moved into a studio a year ago by herself but it was lonely. She wrote that she was able to make the move after such a short amount of time in her last space, "because I believe nothing is permanent and we can create what we most need."
Those words shook me out of it a bit and in the end I'm neither going to Bali or Belize. But I did call and get a babysitter for the next three Thursday nights so I can go to the movies with my husband. And that feels like a great step in the right direction.
Take that jealousy, you joy sucking loser.
7 comments:
This gets a RAISE THE ROOF from me (yeah, I said it).
Life is so daily sometimes (most of the time), and the comparison game is nothing but ugly. Thanks for the reminder to be present, to be grateful... and I LOVE that quote from your friend. We can create what we most need. Amen.
Great reminder to be thankful in the here and now moments. Thank you! I have often felt like I'm walking around with one hand tied behind my back every time I think I might be successful in accomplishing something truly great. But I am learning that its what I do with the seemingly little moments, that says the most about who I am and don't you know it Is true that nothing is permanent? Change is freeing and growing and oh, so inspirational. That sort of gives me hope that someday the not so great things about today will be different and I will be missing the mid-night feedings and the cheerios all over the floor. I get jealous over clean houses, time enough to really focus in on creative projects, and generally quiet moments all to myself. Your last sentence made me lol! :) It's true.
I looked at the title of this entry and LITERALLY laughed out loud. I love your honesty and funny words/quotes! "You joy sucking loser." Hahaha!!! =D
-Josie
I recently heard a saying that people will use when they hear (or in this case, read) something really good. It is "that'll preach." And Becca, this will preach! Great word. Thanks for being real.
I feel like this so often! I recently read this article from Relevant magazine that talks about how negatively we can be affected by the stream of social media we are bombarded with daily.
It reminded me to be content with what I have and embrace the good stuff in my life on a regular basis!
Here is a link to the article if you want to check it out: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/tech/stop-instagramming-your-perfect-life
I so totally agree with you on this one, but it's definitely something I need to work on!
Kristin, thank you for that link. It's a great article...well written and a good point about how we're mostly on the internet when we don't have much going on ourselves...which compounds the problem because I'm sitting here in my pajamas and you're out there livin the dream. A good read. Thanks for passing it along.
Becca, I truly love your honesty! You are living our dream with your little hobby farm! Although, I bet if that dream came true for me I would start dreaming up something else. It seems like a common struggle in this life where we are never satisfied with where we are at. But, when you think about it, that's kind of a good thing. We are not meant to live on this Earth for forever and I think there can be a healthy level of not being fully satisfied here. Jealousy of course is bad, but you know what I mean!
-Danielle Estvold
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