motherhood

I've had a rough few weeks here. Just tired, not confident I will ever feel rested ever again in my life, and easily frustrated with a side of weepy. I know in my head it is just a season, but the day to day tuckers me out.

I was sitting next to a mom last week during Toddler Rhyme 'n Time at our library. She has twin boys a bit younger than Ivar. I asked how she pulls it all off and she said, "at some point my husband looked at me and said that no one was going to come and bail us out. We had to figure out ourselves how we were going to pull this off."

Sort of shook me out of it. And I decided to become proactive.

So today I made a list of things that might help me find my motherhood mojo again. Here they are in list form, mostly for my own sake, but maybe for yours too:

1. I will sit down for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sit. In a kitchen chair. Maybe for five minutes even.  My breakfasts and lunches especially are eaten as snacks, never putting things on a plate, always grabbing more for Ivar, never actually feeding myself. I will dish up our plates and we will sit and eat together.

2. I will stop multitasking. For real. It's inefficient and I never have anything to show for large chunks of my day because I started to sort Ivar's clothes and put his summer shorts away, started to clean the bathroom, began to unload the dishwasher but nothing got done and now the piles I made of Ivar's clothes are all mixed up again, the bathroom looks the same and there are even more dirty dishes on our counter. I will decide on one task. And do it.

3. When Ivar is pining for my attention, I will give it to him. Undivided. I will stop whatever I'm working on and lay on my belly on the carpet and play with whatever he is playing with. I'll play hard. I did this today and he stopped dead in his tracks and watched me, amazed that I could be so fun. And it turned our whole day around.

4. I will drink lots of water throughout the day and take my multivitamin.

5. I will buy another cd player for the upstairs so that we can have music playing upstairs and downstairs. Because music helps me. A lot.

6. I will save my email for night time. Trouble is, I never have any energy then. But I really don't want my kids to remember me as that fun lady who always had her face stuck to a screen. That goes for watching Kathie Lee and Hoda too. Tivo.

7. I will be nicer to myself. More grace for me. And if I have to spend a day regrouping and not performing as an A+ Mama, that is okay too.

And now, it is 9:08 and I am going up to bed. Because an early bedtime tonight is the true key to a happier tomorrow.