family of three

I was at a garage sale last week and a little girl about Ivar’s age fell off of a tricycle and hit her head really hard. Everyone froze at the sale as the babysitter went to scoop her up explaining, “it’s been a really big day for her…she just met her little sister this morning at the hospital. And she’s wondering where her mom and dad are.”

On the walk home I got weepy (not really hard to do recently) thinking about Ivar and all of the change that is ahead for that little boy. Soon he’ll be the one meeting his little sibling, and then he’ll watch his house be boxed up and then he’ll find himself waking up in a new room.

Dear Ivar,
My sweet baby boy. Soon we are going to add another member to our family and one day we’ll try really hard to remember what life was like before this new sibling joined our clan. We’ll become a strong  family unit and our hearts will grow in size once more (seemingly impossible, but we know it is true.) We are so excited for you to have a playmate, a lifelong friend, someone to share family inside jokes with.

But I want you to know how precious these 20 months have been as a family of three. You are the joy of our hearts and bring us laughter, entertainment and happiness like we have never known. You get all of the attention and this works well for all of us. You love us as much as we love you.

Last night the three of us went to REI and then to Target. And we all shared an icee at Target, taking turns sipping from our different straws. You loved being a part of the sharing, spoke up if we were skipping your turn and screamed excitedly as the icee approached your face. You make our errands actual events, our to-do lists become memorable outings.

In the mornings you yell for Daddo and he will get you out of your crib so you can help him make his coffee. Then the two of you check the garden, set the sprinklers and eat some raspberries. You will also use this time to take petals off of the flowers. Never the dead flowers. Always the thriving ones. You are proud to help.

Some mornings you will join us in bed, but lately this annoys you as it is obvious you believe it is time we all start our day. You want to get down off the bed, but only if we get down too. It is time to be up and moving.

Life is going to change a lot with a new baby. Attention will be split and there will be quite a bit to adjust to. And then we'll move to the new house and settle into new rooms and routines. I have been praying for all of our hearts during this season of transition. It might be rocky for a while. I am sort of bracing for that. But I also know that babies grow quickly and we will find our rhythm in a few months. I have asked Jesus for extra grace and patience as we all adjust to a new home, a new baby, a new sleep routine (or lack-there-of).

But I am so excited that we get to bring you with us. Of course we do, because you’re our son. But in some way I am looking at you to serve as a constant within all of the changes ahead. You’ll still be full of silliness, full of joy for life, full of Ivar-goodness. I like knowing that it is the three of us who are heading on this next adventure together. We’ll adjust together, grow in love together, fall hard for this little baby together and continue to live our days fully alive.

So Ivar Nicholas. I think I got a little off track, but what I really set out to tell you is that these 20 months have been sweet, sweet  months with you. I will always look at the pictures from this season and think of the memories we have as a family of three with fondness, happiness and joy. Because you are our first born, our sweet little boy.