thoughts on my 2011 one little word: try

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When I was seven months pregnant with Ivar, Rory and I spent a week at Mount Carmel for family camp. We were sitting at a table in the dining hall that looked over the lake and my friends Amanda and Lindsey came and joined us. They are former summer counselors that I used to supervise, and now I get to count as friends. They came to our table on a mission. They had something to say.


They asked me if I’d ever consider writing a book of short little thoughts on motherhood, stories and lessons along the way. They were persistent. They wanted me to write this so they could read it one day when they had babies. I laughed but they didn’t laugh. I remember later feeling badly for being so flippant at their request.

Something about that conversation stuck for me, and really took a load off. I have wanted to write something for a long, long time. But the thought of publishing, finding readers, critique, and being that absolutely vulnerable scared the wits out of me.

But Amanda and Lindsey were just asking for something that they could later read. I’m not scared of their critique. I’m not afraid of their judgment over incomplete thoughts, typos and laying myself bare. They like me. I like them. I would write for them.

I wrote a lot on the blog about pregnancy and Ivar’s first year, but there is a whole lot I didn’t put on the blog. So I started keeping a file filled with short writings pertaining to every month of his life, filled with transition, awkward moments, charmed moments and everything in between.

My word for 2010 was Try. Because that was the goal: I’m going to try to complete something that I can self publish. I have terrible voices in my head that tell me not to bother, but my word for the year was meant to stand in defiance against those voices. I’m just going to try. No one has to love it. No one has to read it. At least I tried.

So I did. We set up babysitting times once a week so that I could drop Ivar off with grandparents and aunts and uncles and I holed up in library study rooms across the metro area.

I’ve got a pretty complete rough draft to show for it. Because I tried.

I’m in a new stage of writing now, one that I have never been in before…editing. Blogs are funny because nothing is ever edited. I write and publish and what you see is what I wrote. But I’m hopeful for no typos. No glaring grammatical errors. And for that, I need someone else’s help.

So that’s my reflection on my word for 2011. I have a new word for 2012. I’m really excited to share it and more excited to live it. It’s a great word full of meaning for me. Full of purpose and ambition. And this year, it’s a noun.