grandma b

When my grandma was young she was caring for her grandmother who was old and not well. Her grandmother asked her to give her a bath, "so that I will be clean when I meet my Savior.” Grandma bathed her grandma, put her in a clean night gown and propped her up with pillows in her upstairs bedroom. Her grandmother then told her it was time to get her grandfather. Grandma did, and when the two of them came back up the stairs, they found her Grandmother still, absent of breath, at peace with a sweet and calm expression, having left this world and passed to life eternal.

My grandma has told me this story so many times and always ends it by saying, “and that’s why I’m not afraid to die. There is nothing to fear. I have watched so many breathe their last and it’s not scary. They know where they are going. They’re going to meet the Lord.”

Grandma B is going to meet the Lord. She is on hospice care with a surprise aggressive lymphoma overtaking her body. A week ago she looked, in the words of my cousin Mark, vibrant, and now she is yellow, frail and so tiny in that hospital bed.

When we walked into her hospital room she told us, “I have asked the Lord to take me home so many times, and now he’s got my room ready.”

My dad read scripture for us by her bedside and then prayed with his mother-in-law. He was overcome and couldn’t continue so grandma did. She prayed and prayed and to listen to her was like eavesdropping on two friends in sweet communion. She talked to God like she was a little girl and he really was her daddy. She prayed for a pastor in the Philippines who she sponsors who is bringing the gospel to ears who have never heard. She prayed for their hearts and for the wonder of the work he does. She said, “oh Lord, we think of Martin Luther and how he was able to use the printing press to spread your Word, and now just think of all the different ways we have to spread your love. And oh, there are so many who don’t know you, Lord. And you love them so much.”

Then she ended, “I know you’re preparing my room Lord. Remember lots of birds. I’ve always loved your birds.” And it’s true. She’s always telling of pretty birds she has seen, birds at her feeder, geese flying across the sky. She's already decorating her new home.

Grandma has been coherent and present and has shared many prayers, blessings and kind words with her family. And she is not afraid. She has peace and love abounding. She's not afraid, but I’m afraid of how empty it will feel without her in our family. I am afraid of losing my last living grandparent. I am afraid of how much I am going to miss her.