fatherly wisdom from Madison Groves

There was a period during Rory and my dating, when I was trying to figure out if I should marry him. And by period, I mean the entirety of our dating right up to our vows. (I put the boy through a lot.) I remember having a conversation with Sara at some point and her sharing that when she was in that season with Troy, she met Troy's dad, Madison. And she realized if this is the guy my future husband is looking up to and modeling after, then we're fine.

And it's true. You could hope for no greater father for your husband to aspire to. Madison lives his life with purpose and determination and if he says he's going to do something, he does it. It always catches me off guard a bit. Because most people just talk about taking a boat trip for an entire year when they retire. But they actually did it. And most people talk about writing a book. But he wrote it, self-published it and promoted it. Most people talk about living a good Christian walk, but Madison's entire life history and every decision reflect his love for his savior.

Rory LOVES talking to his dad, and still thrives on every word of encouragement and accolade. Same goes for his mom. In fact, recently Rory told me kindly after telling me of a new company idea, "oh. if you were my mom, you'd just encourage me right now and not tell me your opinion, concerns or worries yet." ha! Marlene and Madison set the bar high and have raised one amazing man for me to spend the rest of my life with.

I give you, Madison Groves.

1. How would you describe your style as a dad?
Marlene and I came from pretty similar backgrounds on parenting issues, even though we were brought up in different parts of the country. In their early years, I was at work a lot and her time with the kids was what really counted. So I wanted to be supportive whenever possible. I guess I would call our parenting style co-supportive.

For the past twenty or so years, I have really enjoyed the friendship of my sons and their wives. We sometimes get into issues I can help them on, but I am careful not to intrude into those areas best left between them and their wives.

As much as I am able to help them, they help me deal with the issues of life going forward, and I highly value that.

2. What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
Much of the advice we got was collaborative with other parents in church or from reading many good books, both secular and Christian. My dad was quite authoritarian, so I took several pages of that role in guiding our sons, all within the confines of agreement between Marlene and I.

One of the best pieces of advice we got was from our associate pastor in Honolulu. In a nutshell, parents should focus on a high support/high control model with their children. It is this quadrant of parenting style that seems to be most effective – and we see that our own children are doing a great job in this area.

3. Was there a specific part of being a dad that challenged you and your confidence in being a cut out for this?
Yes, I wished that I had been involved in more sports as a youngster myself so it would have been more comfortable for me to pass that on to my sons. As it turned out, they became active to a sufficient degree in that area that it may not have been the issue I perceived it to be.

4. What is your favorite part of being a dad?
I think the best part of being a father is seeing how your sons have stayed true to their commitment to the Lord and are all still very active in their faith today. For some reason there is this unwritten rule that boys have to go out and sew their wild oats and then settle down. Not true. And while nobody’s perfect, my sons aren’t living their lives today trying to unwind regrets of the past.

After my bride of 44 years, my sons are my best friends. They took me out for a great time about a year ago. We spent the full day just the four of us. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.

5. Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
I have several, but one that stands out about Rory was his very positive experience from attending Lake Geneva Bible Camp. When he returned that year, about age 11, his zeal for the Lord was several notches higher than before. We have always appreciated the value of the camp experience for our sons and that only confirmed it again.

6. If you were to go back, and start your season of parenting all over again, what would you tell yourself?
Knowing what I know now about my sons, I would tell myself “you are about to begin a journey for the next few years that will be both difficult and exhilarating, but know that God has everything under control, and you will do just fine, and your sons and their children will do just fine too because you will make church a priority for the family.”

7. Any words of advice or thoughts you want to pass along to Rory?
Rory, you will make a great dad because I know your heart is set on pleasing your heavenly Father and being the best husband you can be. Your example as a dad is what your children watch and you are well equipped there. Also, keep in mind that your job as a dad is to prepare your children for life during those few years. I distinctly remember that conversation we had together while sitting on your bed at our home in Bloomington. It was my message to you and to myself at the time. Proverbs 3:5,6 was and is my favorite Scripture for life. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.