and I'm left wondering if it is okay to be so very unproductive.
I remember my sister calling me a few weeks ago complaining that she didn't have anything to show for her last 13 weeks. And I reminded her gently that she actually had a little 13 week life growing inside of her and two daughters (ages 2 and 4) that she is raising each day that might count as "something to show for." But I think what she meant was nothing above and beyond just getting by and making it from day to day.
Well, sister, let me tell you what. I've been thinking about that conversation a lot this past week, because I am so dog tired lately, so utterly exhausted, that I believe just getting to work should earn me a gold star. And then staying until 5 is basically reason enough to throw a parade. And by parade I mean, drive myself home to nap/snack/and watch tv until it is 9:00 with the last float of that parade throwing my head onto my pillow for my beloved bedtime.
But this is so hard to actually be okay with...vegging like this each evening. I'm a doer. I make to-do lists, and then I get things done. But this just isn't working lately. I have had a project on our table for over a month. Each time we need the table and have to move the entire thing Rory will kindly comment and question, "this is really going to be great. when do you hope to finish it?" And the truth is, it has been number one on my to-do list every night and every weekend for the past four weeks. But somehow when I get home, I just fall into the couch and have trouble climbing back out.
Annika's frustration makes sense to me now. On one level I do want to say, "Becca, you're 11 weeks preggers. Just sit on that couch and take a load off." But that other voice of, "Becca, look alive! Remember when you used to do stuff with your life?!!" is very, very active. And it's just hard to find the grace to veg in that second voice.
I'm banking on finding my steam again come week 14. That's what I read in a book somewhere, and I'm really hoping it just finds me one morning and gets me out of bed and says, "hey! here's your mojo! let's finish some projects today!"
Until then, you can find me snug on my couch watching Dancing with the Stars (can't get enough...drama, drama, kate-you-poor-thing, drama), Lost (this show is currently knocking my socks off. Unbelievable.), Modern Family (start this show at the beginning so you get to know the characters and then watch out. I laugh loud in this show, and that's saying a lot because I'm a silent laugher) and The Food Network (all shows, every show. I love food lately...and by lately I mean for the last 29 years)
4 comments:
Oh, Becca, hang in there and be gentle with your pregnant self. You will get a boost of energy come week 14 (at least I did with pregnancy #1, not so sure this time around). And then watch out! Come the last week or two (# 39 & 40) you will be amazed at your ability to get things done. Nesting is shockingly real.
For now, enjoy your shows and your snacks and naps! I love you.
(Sonna just asked me if I was going to shower today. I haven't decided yet. And when I planned to drop Mara off in my PJ's (sweats), she protested. Poor kid!)
Annika
I agree with your sister. Big sisters always know best. That - and I've been there. My first trimester had me very, very tired as well. Second was amazingly awesome, and third to end-of-third was again a challenge.
I think the best advice I can give you (not that you're asking for it, but hey - that's what you get when you blog about it ;) is to indeed hang in there and enjoy the process. You will never again be 11 weeks pregnant with your first baby. This is monumental. Take the time to feel and enjoy and SLEEP. It's your body's way of telling you that you need it.
And maybe just move that project off the table, so Rory doesn't keep asking you about it. :)
{My favorite line to Anthony during certain hormonal pregnancy times (ahem) was, "I'm growing a person inside of me. What have you done today?" Hmm... I never said I was a role model.}
Love ya!
p.s. I cannot handle Kate on DWTS any longer. It's actually more painful to watch her on there than it was on J&K+8. And that's saying something.
girl, if you are staying awake till 9 you are doing amazing. I barely made it to 8 most nights when I was pregnant.
it is what it is. don't fight it. :) embrace!
get a snuggie/slanket and break it in :)
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