baby bump

Monday marks week 12 for me, and I am certain lots is happening in there. I am undoubtedly inhabited. Based on my loss of energy, appetite of a teenage boy, sudden hobby of frequent gagging, and the fact that I can put a check mark next to all of the possible symptoms listed in my pregnancy book, I think we're right on track. I am pregnant, and honest to goodness, I love, love, love knowing there is a little life growing inside of me. No matter what the symptoms, I am down right giddy with this joy.

I actually have just one thing I want to say in this post, so I'm going to get right to it.

I wrote about this briefly before, but it is the number one thing I am thinking about with this pregnancy. So here it is: I cannot get over how little I have to do with the creation of this life. On a 5th grade human sexuality level, I understand how this babe was conceived. But, come now, even that makes utterly no sense! The fact that these little itty bitty cells got together and then began to grow into a human being is absolutely beyond my comprehension. It is pure miracle.

I get weekly emails from the baby center and they tell me specific things that are happening inside of me like "this week, your baby is developing a liver" and other important things like that. And I just can't get over how little I have to do with all of this! I eat and I sleep, but at some moment when I was completely unaware, this baby's heart began to beat, its webbed hands spread into fingers, and the earlobes fell into place. And all I've been doing is sleeping and eating...and gagging...

Last night I was at a women's bible study at our church and we were talking about being a mom. I listened mostly, hearing mom's with kids of all ages talk about how hard it is to watch their kids make decisions that have life-lesson consequences. It's in a mom to want to protect their kid from all of these things. In the end, they can guide and direct, but really, at many different points, they have each surrendered their child once again into God's hands.

I listened and thought, that's actually how I feel right now (and my child could not be physically any closer to me!). I feel that sort of surrender and trust that God is shaping and forming this baby, weaving this child in my womb, and that I just get to be a part of its life. Because this whole process has been so hands off...other than good nutrition, I'm not the one forming fingernails on my babe this week.

It's all a wonderous miracle, and I get to be a part of it. It's the greatest privilege I have ever felt. To be entrusted like that. To trust God like that. To know that I have an important role (with Rory, we have the most important earthly role in this baby's life) but that from the very start, this is God's kid.