gil and virginia

Cozy up for a love story. One of the best I know.

I worked at a nursing home for two years in Minneapolis wearing a couple different hats. One was to lead activities on the advanced alzheimer’s floor. Memory loss is a mean and cruel thing, and my job was to lead activities and faith conversations to help create community, provide comfort and bring a bit of fun to the third floor.

This was a challenging job for me, especially in the beginning. Asking about pictures on the wall would lead to confusion, frustration and sadness. It took me a while to figure out how to hold conversations pertaining to the very moment we were living in. I have a few memorable conversations about the wonder of doorknobs, scooting around in slippers and long motorcycle rides that one woman took each day in her mind.

I learned so much during those two years about family, faithfulness and love. Gil was a retired Lutheran pastor who faithfully visited his wife, Virginia, every single day for hours at a time. Virginia spent her days nervously wandering up and down the hall. When Gil arrived each day she would look right at him and begin to repeat over and over, “Oh Gil, I’m so scared. I’m just so scared. Gil. I am so scared.” And Gil would lead her to the couch and sit next to her, telling her there is nothing to be afraid of. And after a while, Virginia would stand and Gil would pull her gently down onto his lap, telling her over and over again there was nothing to fear. He would stroke her hair, hug her shoulders and rock her back and forth. Virginia would curl her body up like a little kid, and tuck her head into his neck. And Gil would whisper promises to Virginia, “It’s okay. I’m here. There is nothing to be afraid of. You are safe here.”

Rory and I were very newly wed when I knew Gil and Virginia and I remember coming home often and asking Rory if he’d still hold me when I was 85. And we would wonder about what it would be like to be married that long, knowing each other so well, and what it would be like to walk down a road so dark. We would wonder about our own road ahead, humbled that we just don’t know what our future holds.

But there was so much comfort in witnessing this clear picture of love. And so much peace knowing that God has set us up in marriage so that we may have a best friend for life. Someone to hold, to gently rock, and to comfort.